Earlier today, I had the opportunity to take acid on a sugar cube for the first time (I've taken acid many times - this was just a first with the cubes). It was quite potent to say the least. It reminded me that I could have the kind of acid trips I had thought were a thing of the past, full of the bountiful tracers, lively textures, size and distance distortions, text breathing and what not. It reaffirmed something that experiences with that aesthetic weren't a thing of the past from DMT's transfiguration of the experience as with mushrooms when the trip seemed like an ayahuasca trip - no differences noted.

I spent the first five hours or so at my buddy's house just hanging out. When I came back home, I discovered I had the house all to myself, so I put some music on and just started to settle in and relax, when the inevitable thought crosses my mind of whether or not to smoke DMT.

I decide to smoke the DMT but am instantly faced with a dilemma:

Do I proceed with the music on, or should I shut it off?

I went back and forth in my head, over and over, and for some reason I decided to leave the music on....While on acid, I always felt like it was easier to inhale marijuana tokes and as it turned out the same applied to DMT. As a result, I was able to hold these enormous breathfuls of DMT (that I would never normally be able to hold down normally) that I was able to hold for what seemed like an indefinite amount of time. I must've taken around three big lungfuls, but then again, I can't really remember. As I was holding one of my hits in, I noticed that the lamp situated in front of me had taken on a certain form...a certain aesthetic that told me I was in line for one of those special experiences.

I closed my eyes. The color scheme is only what I can describe as those deep pinks and purples of a powerful sunset. I was literally being swept onward and upward into the heavens. I could practically hear harps playing and it was the sweetest, most peaceful, loving, motherly feeling that one could possibly imagine as I was being cradled into the arms of heaven itself: the soft purple clouds swooping around me. The closest human word I have to describe this feeling was that it was sheerly angelic in its purest form.

For some reason, I thought in my head at that instant that the music was starting to interfere with my visions...which quite frankly it was. I could feel the music slightly pulling the experience away from its natural course. I decide to quickly try and stand up to turn off the music (which of course has to be a few steps reach away). I turned it off, but then again, I also turned off the experience....or not exactly.

It was more like I turned the experience inside out. It was like I was watching my vision unfold before me upside down, inside out, crazy backwards. I was not very pleased with myself very much at all at that moment in time. I had screwed up my big chance at seeing what my best guess was that it would have been the most beautiful thing I would have ever seen in my life. Let me tell you, the inside-out version of it wasn't too bad either. It was captivatingly beautiful in the most bizarre way. Very deep sinister purple, and unfathomably intricate in its fractal nature.

Once the immediate experience of the "backwards action" stopped, I was left with a very similar afterglow as when I saw the godhead in my white light experience on ayahuasca. Only this time, it was practically like cutting out the middle man. Instead of being cosmically fulfilled, I had a cosmic hole inside of me. I felt like a rather complete being until today, and now there's something that's missing. I couldn't believe I fucked up the experience of a lifetime.

My first instant thought is to try and smoke a couple more lungfuls of DMT to see if that wouldn't knock me back on track. I deplete what I can out of the GVG and I didn't quite resume where I left off, but I was certainly in for another show. This time it was like physics opened up before me. Mathematical representations unfolding in front of my eyes. I even opened my eyes, and stared up at the ceiling and my vision remained in tact, looming above me. The best way I can describe it is to imagine that you're in the center of a globe. Now that globe has all those latitude and longitude lines running all across it, but now imagine that it can have such curves simultaneously in other planes. I was having a representation of something like that working itself out in the space over my head.

I could go on for a while on how the rest of the day unfolded. It was surprisingly eventful and full of revelations, though for the most part I didn't leave my living room. Perhaps I'll write more of that later, but for now, I'd just appreciate any feedback you guys got on this. Lemme know what you're thinking please.

That is the classic human condition. We never quite reach perfection yet we continue trying.
There will be more times to try though, so worry not and don't dwell on it.
Think of the good parts of your experience and how lucky you are to be able to continue to try.