First of all an update from my last post. I continued doing small doses unscaled until a more accurate scale arrived. During these low doses I saw lots of colors and found that with my eyes closed I would see the same designs almost every time. It almost always looks like a wall with millions of `pieces` arranged in columns which were all on different plains..... it`s impossible for me to explain but it seems like every time the exact same design catches my attention. It`s a yellow circular design that reminds me of a ladybug when really it looks nothing like one.

Now before the breakthrough dose I had weighed up 3 or 4 hits approx 25mg each. I did these hits experimenting with different breathing techniques hoping to breakthrough. These attempts were unsuccessful and I was left seeing the `fractal`(not sure if i am using this word correct, mind my English) wall and my yellow ladybug. One of these hits was done no more than an hour before my breakthrough.

After the unsuccessful hit I did something careless that is very much out of my character. I loaded up the GVG with an eyeball 30 mgs. I then took the deepest, longest hits I could handle. Almost immediately i knew it was going to be different. I felt the intensity in my chest, it was similar to the low doses except much stronger. I had a bandanna over my eyes to block the sunlight.

As the intensity became stronger the fractal wall appeared only this time i wasn't looking at the fractal wall, i was surrounded by it, it was a cylinder around me. I saw the lady bug spinning as well and ended up focusing on it as usual. I had remembered people online saying to focus on your breathing to calm yourself and that is where my problem began. I tried to breath but I couldn't, i was gasping but felt no air entering my lungs. This was the most awful feeling i had ever had. I laid there gasping for air while the cylinder spun around me. I had the feeling of something looking down into the cylinder watching me die.

This whole time I remembered I had smoked dmt.... i remembered that I need to let my mind go and stop trying to breathe but it was impossible. I was so shocked that I was letting DMT beat my mind, i knew i was losing and that I couldn't let go. I repeated Love over in my head when i realized focusing on breathing was useless. I found repeating love and love over again was also useless, I knew i was just distracting myself. At one point I said to myself that I need to just wait it out no matter how long it feels and it did feel like forever.

When the wall stopped spinning i was in a room identical to my own room, nothing was where I had left it and some objects were unrecognizable. I can`t tell if i was able to breath but the feeling of dying was replaced with the most warm and alive feeling I have ever felt. There was a female presence, almost like a sort of ancient statue just there. She knew I was there but it seemed as if we were both observing each other. She also wasn't completely full, more transparent. My bandanna was gone and I vaguely remember thinking about quiting smoking. She said nothing but I got the feeling in my head that she had told me `we will worry about that if you ever come back`. At this time I had been undecided if dying was worth being reborn.

I felt something slipping down my face and i closed my eyes again for a good 5 minutes before opening them and taking off the bandanna. I found it interesting that my computer had been kicked off the end of my bed. I had no sitter so I have no idea what had happened while I was gone. I literally thought I had missed my job interview that was 5 hours after I had smoked.

DMT is something i want to share with everyone now but I don`t think many can handle the pre-death I went through and I thought I had it all figured out.

The things i remember the most are the dying and how long and agonizing not being able to breathe was, also the sudden feeling of enlightenment. The rest i remember but it's hard to tell if that is exactly how it happened or if my memory is playing tricks and enhancing themselves.

I think I'll be trying it again someday soon but I have had enough for one day. Thanks for letting me share my experience and as always sorry for my poor English, i have difficulty with some uses of it.

The only time I felt I wasn't breathing was the very first time I smoked DMT. I thankfully remembered hearing that users often reported the sensation of not being able to breathe, so it didn't scare me and I just kinda ignored the fact that my body wasn't doing what it usually seems like it needs to do. Some days after that happened, I read some article that despite the fact that users sometimes indicate not being able to breathe, when their breathing was monitored, it didn't show any fluctuations, so the user only perceived to not be able to breathe. They continued to theorize that it was due to massive time distortion from the rush of incoming data so that the time between breaths can seem to take forever. I remain a little skeptical of this explanation, but I haven't really had much of the chance to observe/test this theory as I haven't had troubles with breathing since then. If it should happen again, just remind yourself that nothing bad will happen and that if you redirect your attention to something else, before you know it, you'll be involuntarily breathing again.

Thanks for the bit of information. I think I may have been subconciously holding on to my breathing as a last reminder of being alive in the real world, meaning that I was purposly trying to see if i could breathe and when I wasnèt able too is when things seemed rough. Next time breathing wont be my calm down technique. Either way I am not going to allow that to ruin my view of DMT. The loving feeling afterwards made me feel amazing after the time of torture and im still alive at 100% health and mindset so there will be another go at it in the near future.

SWIM has been monitored several times as well, expressing the same feeling of not breathing properly or regularly, but the monitor said that was not the case breathing was normal.

I think it's just that when we smoke the spice, time compresses. Where we are thinking "Hey I hope I'm still breathing, I think a long time has passed" in actuality you probably took your hit like 30-40 seconds ago. At least I find in my case that seems to always be it.