I'd like to share with you an experience I had last night that completely shattered me to peices in the best possible way.
To say that it was emotional is a gigantic understatement. I'm still feeling the waves from it.

Last night I dosed on methoxetamine, a research chemical some of you may heard of. This is beyond a trip report for me, which is why I have posted here. Anyway, 30mg of MXE eaten had me in a very relaxed state, but it wore off fast, and I decided to up to dosage by another 30mg, with all the residues it may have even been up to 70. I was on the chat and listening to some minimal techno, when suddenly i just felt the urge to go to take a shower.

What an experience that turned out to be. I ended up feeling like bits of my memories were being washed away, my sanity was fading from me, and my feelings and emotions were dissolving. Water ran over my closed eyelids and I saw the blackness of space and the light of planets in orbit around a distant sun so impossibly far away it's almost as if it didn't exist. I felt nothing but my observing nature, to stare, to work out, but not amazed or thrilled, numb, in blackness, purified but empty.

Oh how I longed to feel something. Anything.

I came back into the room at the computer. I was on chat, and I was sent the most perfect thing for the moment anyone could imagine. Brian Eno's 'An Ending (Ascent)'. This piece of music truly made me feel. (Nice one Xtechre <3).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOgQyIMX_XU

And this is when the real experience began. The sound created a feeling, a familiar one. Wonder. I thought about the universe, the size of it, the size of us in relation to earth, the size of the blue speck in relation to the solar system, the size of that compared to the spiraling arms of our galaxy, softly slowly drifting in endless space and endless time. And I began to question.

'....Why...?'
'...what....?'
'...HOW!?'

The crushing ABSURDITY of the fact that I even exist came down upon me with all the weight of the universe, making me feel IMPOSSIBLY small when compared to whats out there. These questions made me feel, this ability to wonder somehow made me more real. I am my own amazement! But.... why!?

And then I realized I was crying. Tears running down my face, yet I was laughing at the sheer absurdity of all of existence and my ability to even question it, when I AM it, and I don't even know what IT is!

I felt so impossibly small. Yet so fantastically great, and was overjoyed to be able to think, to feel, to love, to laugh, to wonder, to be myself again after all the emptiness earlier that night, I didn't think I needed such an experience, but I am truly blessed to have been a part of whatever happened to little me in my teeny part of the universe in the infinitely small increment of time I call the morning hours of Tuesday, 15th March 2011 on this tiny blue speck, in a universe that, when zoomed all the way out, is a particle of light reflecting off the water glazed over my wondering eyes!! And running down my face...

THE MYSTERY! MY GOD!

But I'm done with this stuff now, Ive had many important experiences with MXE, may of them have crushed me in interesting ways, but this grand finale was the one, the reason I found it, and the last I need of it. So with determination i disposed of the stuff, never to be touched again.

I'd like to thank you all for continuing to wonder, but also to accept, to feel, and to be REAL!
It's you! You exist, you're real, can you imagine? YOU EXIST!

That alone is the most absurd thing I can think of.
Nothing is more stranger than reality itself.

Thank you for reading, this was important to me.
Keep loving, feeling and wondering. <3

Wow, great report Orion, I've also started experimenting with MXE and I think it definitely holds great potential as long as it's not abused

Pretty cool huh?

Satori

I kinda knew what you were going through man. Glad you liked it.
Blows my mind, absolutely blows my mind. Reduce me to dust, I'm honored to have existed.

If words could only express just how this really is. Just how powerful and awesome the huge questions and their answers (or lack thereof) truly are, and our place within this. It's almost as if I could scream, but I won't, it's not enough, so pale a reaction it does not even bear contemplating.

Thank you all so much for reading this.

Very impressive report Orion! You did it! You got it into words, you got it down! <3<3<3

Thanks for writing this Orion.. it was a great read

i was flooded with memories of previous experiences and similar revelations

Brian Eno's An Ending (Ascent) is DEFINITELY a great song to experience tripping..it has very powerful energy that sort of opens and relaxes the mind. A few years ago, whenever me and my friend introduced people to spice, we would play this song softly in the background. People really enjoyed it


"Reduce me to dust, I'm honored to have existed."
<3