The day started nicely..

The previous day I made a tea of 50g Peruvian Torch for me and my girlfriend to share.

We start by drinking some ginger tea to ease the nausea. We started drinking our cactus tea at around noon and watched a disc of the second season of Dexter while we were waiting for the torch to kick in.. enjoyable.

The first effects were felt about 20-30 minutes later. It was a feeling of sedation/relaxation and generally a content feeling. It definitely would have been a chore to go for a walk at this point.

At around the 2/2.5 hour mark we notice that Dexter was starting to get unusually intense, and the trip is starting to progress, so we decide to move to the bedroom to lay back and listen to some music.. Now this is where it theoretically should have gotten better.. but there were a few things that were brought to the surface that made it difficult to relax at this point.

My girlfriend has been struggling for quite a while with issues regarding self esteem and self confidence. Every time we have a psychedelic experience together it gets to a point where she starts calling herself crazy and second guesses every action she takes. When I look her in the eyes she avoids eye contact for too long. It is as if she is afraid to let herself go.. This ends up reflecting back on me, and then things get strange for hours at a time.

I thought this experience would be different because of the "candy flip" nature of the substance. We have taken MDMA numerous times without any problems, but I know that MDMA is rather easy. When it comes to psychedelics (even pot) things always end up getting weird.. In retrospect, I should have seen what happened coming.

At one point, me and her were lying next to each other, and it felt like her negative energy was flowing through me.. My muscles felt like they were spazzing out for a while, and there were moments were my hands or my feet would shake uncontrollably.. I didn't know how to release this energy. This went on for about an hour or so.

The torch was kicking in full force and my head felt like it was going to pop. It had a lot of resemblance to a candy flip mixed with some dissociation (a combination of MDMA + LSD + MXE might have a similar effect).. It wasn't a highly visual dose, but I did notice that the visuals were very reminiscent of acid. The body high felt very close to MDMA, but more intense. I had no noticeable nausea.

A few hours pass in the madness with no real progress. I decide that a change in scenery would do us good, so we decide to go for a walk. As soon as we step outside it feels as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Everything was beautiful. It was a perfect winter day.

We spend the next few hours walking around town drinking coffee, smoking a cigar, and conversing with one another. My girlfriend is noticeably more comfortable at this point. We spent some time talking out some of her problems. It felt as though she made some real progress.. It was a beautiful walk.

After the walk we decide to cuddle and listen to music again.. Which is much more comfortable at this point.

We spend the last stage of the trip relaxing and watch another disc of Dexter.

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All in all, it was a good first experience. It felt a little taxing on the body, and there was some mental difficulty for a while, but the majority of the trip was very positive and healing.. I look forward to future encounters with my new ally. <3

Just one thing. Maybe watching a show about a serial killer and murder and all of that other fun stuff might not be the optimal input for a good mindset going into a trip.
Just my 2 cents.

You may be right.. Although it didn't seem to effect the trip in any way. It's not like I had thoughts of killing people running through my head during the trip.. But I do see your point.. There could have been more positive things to watch while coming up.

No offense, but..If my girlfriend were having those types of problems while tripping... watching a show about serial killers and murder on the comeup and comedown of a psychedelic trip would be just about the last thing I would do. Just because it didn't make you think of killing people doesn't mean it isn't affecting the energy of your trip in a counterproductive way

That sucks you guys had some road blocks, but i'm happy to see that you worked through them together in the end. Maybe some relaxing breathe work would help her calm down? Has your girlfriend tried any yoga/meditation? Besides helping turn a trip around positively, these things can also just help in daily life to relieve stress and firmly ground oneself, which definitely helps with self-confidence related issues

Looking back, I should have chosen better trip material.. It could have been more productive. Future sessions will be more planned out.

There were roadblocks, and there almost always are roadblocks.. Even when she smokes weed, she gets really anxious and it gets uncomfortable between us or anyone she is around. I just wish we could trip together without it coming down to this.. but she has some very real issues she needs to work on. She is nervous a lot, and it shows.. Whenever we are in a social situation, she tends to make the vibe awkward.. She talks a lot, cuts into other peoples sentences before they are finished talking, and no one really pays attention to her.. It doesn't seem like she is being herself. I want to help her out of this.

I have suggested meditation/yoga to her, but I can't force her to do either. I'm trying to help her but I'm not sure what I can do at this point.. Really, it is up to her. I can only point things out, and give suggestions. I'm not sure if it is healthy for me to trip with her at this point.. There was some very dark energy flowing through me at one point that I had no idea what to do with.

This...and..



It seems like your girl is in a tough spot. It would help if she knew she was ready for the ups and downs of the experience. As in, do I really wanna trip, hallucinate, take up strange places, or am I fine without that stuff. Peoples level of comfort and courage mean a lot to how they approach life, how much they value one or the other. If she is ready to accept what psychedelics give her, despite the discomfort, then good news, she can continue in good spirit. If not, then, good news, she's accepting of herself.

Maybe you could facilitate a high dose of cactus or aya for her, if she wants. These things for me have made me much more comfortable with who I am. I see my power and my unique light a little better now. I can't wait for some of the higher doses.

It sounds like overall your first cactus experience was revealing, if not pleasant. Also sounds like that dark energy is no joke. Anything 'healthy' would be good. Light diet, outdoors, exercise, stretching/breathing. Force start it, objects at rest remain at rest.

And yeah, Dexter...c'mon man, set and setting, lol. I like the show well enough, but I can just imagine the bad vibes...hahaha,

I've been doing yoga for the last 2+ months, and my girl is just catching on. Physically she needs it much more than me. Got tired of telling her. Grabbed the benefits for myself, and now she can't deny my calm composure.

If your GF is having problems with self confidence and low self esteem it may be wise if she dumped the weed. Not that it is the cause but I doubt if it's doing her any favors at this point. I think she can overcome her problem through self assertiveness exercises, working on a core beliefs system, therapy. All hard work and she has to be an active participant but I'm sure she wants to be a much happier person and it's doable. I feel for her though.

My girlfriend stopped smoking weed about a month ago.. It does seem like this helped her slightly. It was simply doing her no good. I could always count on weed to ruin a perfectly good night.

I'm thinking of ordering more cactus and splitting 100g with her next time with the intent of working some things out. It often seems that she's in a state of discontent.. More than anything, I want to help her find confidence and peace within herself.

The story about your girl remembers me a lot of myself 10 years back. I also had problems with self esteem, confidence and didn't get noticed in conversations. I really couldn't figure out why.
Then in some soft skill trainings I had to attend for my job I got aware of my own personality and after these sessions I grew more and more in a positive sense. I learned to accept my personality and not to fight it by getting out of my comfort zone, but rather using my strengths in daily life instead of trying to be another person.

There was one test which pointed out my personality spot on. It's called Myers-Brigg and there are many sites offering the tests for free. From your story I think there is a great possibity that your girlfriend is an INTP personality just like me, at least an INXX.

Personality types rarely change in a lifetime (even with psychs ) so it's very helpful to get aware of who you are instead of trying to be like 'others'. Also there are many forums for each personality type where you can discuss your issues with like-minded.

The process of getting to know my self helped me a great deal in my career as well as my personal social life (deciding with which kind of people I wanted to be, gaining more self esteem and confidence).

Since then I never had big issues again during trips or smoking weed. Although I just quit smoking weed for a month now after 15 years of daily use because I got a little to lazy to my likings.

All the best with solving issues!