hey everyone, so ive been going through some things that i cant get out of my head. i have a problem letting go of the past and living in the moment for starters. i feel like the main source of my anxiety is my fear of mainly lsd and "tripping" in general i guess.

i have experience with various states of mind and used to be able to ingest lsd and other pyscadelics with little anxiety and as time drew on i grew more and more "afraid" of these states. i have a very small stock pile of very strong white paper and a little orange spice. i feel like this might be the source of the problem as i always have the option to "experience" but never do because of this fear i have acquired. my soul loves the zen and in my soul deep down i know everything is fine but my ego is litterally destroying me.

sorry if this isnt well put together i dont really know how to put this whiole situation into words. im always afraid something bad will happen while tripping and this has carried into my "real" life basically i have lost my peace of mind and cant keep positive. i just want my life back.

any feed back is extremely valued. i just need a solution desperately

with love,
alladins

Are you certain that the anxiety you are experiencing really relates to a fear of tripping?

You are not compelled to trip and if this really is the source of your problems then dont do it.Regard it as something youve done in the past and enjoyed, but life is too short to allow something like this to impact on your life.

I understand what youre saying and I wonder if its the duration of the LSD experience which can certainly be anxiety-provoking.I wouldnt take LSD these days but I was quite partial to doing trips of 200-300mcg alone and spending 6ish hours properly out of it with no-one to act as a reference point for sanity.As you can imagine this can be really very demanding.It is however excellent 'training' for managing the state of ego-loss and has helped me in my exploration of DMT.DMTs beauty is its brief duration when vaporised (though its very nice to draw it out a touch with caapi x 11 as changa).

Having said all this, a part of me is half-considering trying DMT via the oral route with MAOI.....Im still at the half-considering stage though!

i mean maybe there is something subcouncously but right now i am compelled to feel like i am just afraid of something bad happening while on lsd and me not being able to control or read the situation in a way that is effective or safe. i too have taken strong doses alone overnight in my room and used to absolutely LOVE doing this but now i am just plain afraid for no reason that i can find. happiness and peace of mind are so close but seem so far away.

the power to "get better" is within us but sometimes it seems so hard. i just need advice and input and someone to relate too. where i live i am a bird in a house... (<-- Railroad earth anyone?)

You'll intuitively know when the time to trip has come -- when it does, just push through that anxiety. You're always going to be anxious about tripping on some level -- it's only natural to be apprehensive about an intense uprooting of your entire consciousness.

But if that anxiety isn't just an instinctive fear of change, but it reflects an uncertainty about tripping in general, tripping would be kind of a crapshoot, and I'm not in the position to advise it.

so tomorrow im going to change things up to end the monotony that is my life and i called a friend to organize a road trip. also im going to reorganize my room tomorrow then celebrate the new years with a joyful mind set

Why don't you get some shrooms and just do a low dose.
You could do that a couple of times or more to work on that anxiety before you do a proper dose.

Well good luck

I have the same problem, even went the same way as you. I used to like LSD and other forms of hallucinogens but developed a fear bassed on felling like my thoughts could get out of control. I believe i could still trip in the right setting, with the right people that could help guide me through a good trip. But personally i would not recommend just trying to push throgh the anxiety, that has the potential to make the problem worse(Not saying it will, but it did for me).

I would recommend finding someone who is expirenced with tripping, and a good person, to help guide you through a few trips to re-gain the comfortable state. Its harder when tripping and no one else to comfort you if things start going bad.

^ This has been a good way for me and others i know to ease back into psychedelics after some harrowing trips. A low dose IN NATURE with a trusted friend is usually very therapeutic and sounds like it could really help you out my friend

Also, are you eating healthy? Doing some yoga and meditation? reading or writing at all? Do you play any music, draw/paint? or have any creative outlets? Things like these really helped me to integrate my experiences and become more comfortable with psychedelics.. actually, i was in a pretty horrific situation a few years ago which was accompanied by a few bad high dose lsd experiences that really left me desperately trying to rebuild some barriers and sense of self. The things i mentioned above really helped me get over this and learn from even my 'bad' trips, and now, thankfully, i am in LOVE with lsd once again

good luck man, and keep us posted

I trip very rarely myself. I have been wanting to trip lately because I just got through my first mescaline extraction. I'm eager to try but the anxiety always deters me. I have always been quick to dose on a whim but now almost always have to plan out my trips a month in advance. Keep thinking about it and coming to terms with the fact that I have decided to put myself into a psychedelic state. This time however is different. I've never tried mescaline and have heard only good things but am still anxious to take it. I have been eating well and everything. I blame it in part on the holiday stress, you know how hard it can be dealing with family, especially inlaws. Anyway, I'm rambling but what I'm trying to say I guess, and I can't speak for any of you, but most people I know that are serious psy-explorers always get anxious before journeys. I plan, others do low doses to get reaquainted, some just jump in. Its a personal thing, this sort of anxiety, and each individual has to deal with it differenty. Meditate, pray, or do whatever you do when you need clarity and your own individual answer to your problem will come.

Much Love, Peace, and Understanding

hey everyone i appreciate the positive replies much appreciated. so to kind of address everything at once;

-sadly, my diet is near terrible. i have no appetite all my close freinds say i need to eat more. i generally dont feel healthy, i smoke ciggarettes lightly as of new years (used to smoke more frequently), smoke cannabis daliy , and i have brucitis in my hip? so my hip hurts pretty bad and see a chiropractor two to three times a week

-regarding the low dose issue, i have no access to mushrooms and as soon as i can get some i will jump on that as the new year has brought a little more confidence. my buddy ordered some 2ci a while ago and i did that twice whithin a month or two at low dose and was very pleased. i have also tripped lsd whiile in this terrible mindset i'm in at low dose and feel like low dose is less enjoyable then high dose on lsd but am afraid of the complete plunge if that makes sense.

-im working on getting my diploma online and am nearing graduation which is very stressful

-im about to move to somewhere ive never been to join likeminded peoples as soon as i have the money and my diploma

-i always tweak about my body functions even when just high on cannabis i just need to RELAX. i had a heart problem scare but got it checked out and everything seemed fine to them so i guess i was just panicking about nothing? thats a major role in this whole situation i'm in. ill try and post the link to the thread of my frantic post before i got it checked out at the doctor.

-i do play drum kit and hand percussion daily. i love to drum. i know no one to play with though. i like drawing also and do that occasionally but not so frequently lately due to graduation soon.

thanks so much everyone,
alladins

Maybe this theory is part of the key. The placebo effect can be a very powerful thing. I used to have anxiety attacks just thinking about cannabis after it turned on me in my 20's (after 20 years, it has turned back to some degree). Just having it in the house was too much for me.
A close friend keeps a bottle of valium in the medicine cabinet. She says it works almost as well sitting in that cabinet as it does when she actually takes a dose. Just knowing it's there helps her, and she rarely takes any.
Maybe having psychedelics in your house isn't a good idea for you right now. Is there any way you can make them harder to get to? Buy a little safe and mail the keys to a far away friend? Something like that? Keep the stuff at a trusted friends house for a couple months (if they won't consume it that is ) See if that lowers your anxiety level.
Just an idea.

just a bit ago i ran out of lsd an dmt due to me "turnng on" a few people that needed it more than i did and a little cosnumption my self. but literally acouple days later i was offered a very good deal on a twenty square and the relief i felt was forgotten again. sooo im going to try letting a friend that lives about an hour from me everything maybe, or just give it away. its not like i wont be able to find this pure of lsd again and the xstals i have capped up are kindof nasty looking anyways. thanks for all the support everyone i needed a helping hand

so i found happiness for a few days and relapsed back to the gloom. i got rid of my stockpile, well see how things go

any feedback is much appreciated this is eating me alive by the second. ive been looking into ibogane or a pharma trip in the long run definetly not now or even finding a budhist monestary? i would go on a long self reviving expedition or go study under someone but i play drums and dont want to lose all my practice (i play everyday and i have to keep it that way) hope that doesnt sound arogant

Keep playing the drums. I'm a drummer as well, and music is an excellent release for me. You can always put a post up on craigslist.org or something saying that you're a drummer looking for a band or a jam session to hop into or whatever. We've found other musicians that way before. You could also maybe find a local bar that has an open mic night go and check that out.

Whenever I take acid or shrooms (can't do it for oral DMT based experiences), I always keep a half a bar of xanax in my pocket. I never take xanax for any other reason other than to prevent a bad trip from spiraling out of control (or bringing myself back if it has already done so). On the majority of occasions, I never have to take the xanax and after the experience, I simply put it away for next time. Shit, I've held onto the same bar of xanax for close to a year now and have had more trips this year than any other of my life. Point is, when I have that bar with me, things just tend to not go so bad. Just knowing that I can get out of any sticky situation with it makes it much less likely that one should arise. And should it arise, as it has, I simply take the half a bar, wait five minutes and I'm completely chilled. Any anxiety or negative emotions I had are chilled out and I can resume the trip. Usually takes a small percentage of trippiness out of the experience, but these are the prices for not dealing with it naturally. Most often, if I see myself going down the dark path and anxiety comes about and what not, I will try my hardest to try and steer it back the other way with mental will and trying to think positively. Should this fail, I know what I can count on...

Have you considered seeking out an understanding therapist?

It seems like there are non-drug issues in your life that need to be addressed, and sometimes it’s appropriate to talk to a “professional listener”.

Have you considered stop smoking pot? For many people pot is a source of anxiety and can be addictive at the same time (most people that suffer anxiety from pot refuse to give it up for the reason that it calms them when it isn't the case at all). This is something that can be done yourself and if no improvements are noticeable I'd go with gibran2's sugggestion as I don't think it's the tryps.

so to adress all at once:

-i was seeing a therapist regularly to deal with past but rarely meet anymore as we have worked out the things i wished to accomplished and we just meet occasionally to get a second opinion on how things are going from a nonpeer.

-the only things holding me back in life are where i live and am in the middle of moving across the country. i absolutely hate everything about where i live.

-i have a little xanax powder in a cap a friend knowing my situation gave me a while ago.

-i have been trying to cut back my cannabis consumption but its hard to break my habit ive been smoking daily for about two years no breaks

thanks for all the help i feel slightly better after getting rid of "mind" stash