all caps in the title doesn't matter at all!!! in fact, nothing matters!! I still don't know for sure If I have returned or if I'm thinking I'm returned. Or if the language I'm typing is understandable to you. or if this is the real nexus in earth or what's i'm doing now (sending message here) is beng purely in my mind. is this my real PC and keyboard or not?? looks like I've returned but I can't trust anything yet. I had (or still having) a veeeeery bad trip. I was (am) still in my room, but I was (am) fearful if what I see as my room is in my head and my physical body is doing something else in the real room, and I was (am) making theories about my Death, "poor kid torched the place or dropped out of the window and died after a period of interest in psychedelics" I was (am) thinking maybe I've already died and was veeeery sad for my family.

Before I was an agnostic leaning toward atheism, but I was made sure only God can save me from this agony and disaster. I was totally helpless and I didn't worth shit, Someone was possessing me and talking to me using my own mouth and tongue, telling how shit and worthless you and your shitty fucking racial ideologies are.

I've changed now, I swear I never do harm to anyone and anything and respect God.
Thank god he listened to my begging and screams and saved me from death (or I am dead already and I don't know???)) please someone here say something which can't be made by my mind to confirm I'm really here. everything seems real but unreal at the same time. If I return I'll never touch this stuff for a looooong time, but I'll still make effort in spreading the availableity of that for others to see the other side themselves, NOTHING WORTHS SHIT IN THIS WORLD REALLY.

BTW If I've really returned and the time is real, my experience lasted around 20 minutes!!!
I smoked pure harmala freebase with hot spoon and funnel until heavily stoned by the MAOI and hear the Harmala stonedness RING in my ears, then smoked 50mg jungle spice using the same method, all in one single huge toke and holding in as long as ... in fact I don't remembered anymore if i exhaled it or if i'm still holding in in my lungs, nothing mattered shit from that moment... the spirit possessing me was commanding me to don't move and don't do anything stupid, just hear and watch you fucking worthless ignorant human.

damn, sounds like a crazy intense trip. well..whatever you feel is real. there is no defined/sanctioned "real"..it is subjective and arbitrary.
so..accept everything in your life as it is now. Let go of your "beliefs", and let reality BE what it becomes when you don't care about what your mind believes."
Meditation will def help you. just stay aware of your own self in whatever way you want; but stay detached from your mind, because its only noise, and will distract.


...that's impossible

don't care much about "what reality you may be in" even if this is not "real." In the end, just know that Life is wiser than us all, and always heads in the right direction. You are where you are at the moment, because Life decided that. Rejoice in its choice, because you and life are not separate "things", but rather one continuum with only a split between subject/object.
ONE WITH LIFE is the only answer. it only requires trust in a power greater than you, so that you can surrender to its decision.
best of luck. you have some surrendering to do..get on it

hey Eranik

Welcome Home!!! Good to hear you are waking up. I read from eckhart tolle that when we get to the state of dispare we have reached an important time in our lives and are on the edge of oomplete bliss.

I have been following my bliss and it sounds like to me you have a lot to be thankful for. It has taken me many years to know how illogical and craazy this world is. We have bothed reached the same place but from different ends. Its time to forefill your true function. No I am not religious. But at the moment have been studying the course in miracles and life now makes much more sense that it has in 15 years. As U study it I understand now the roles we play are just THAT roles! Our true function is the release of our perceptions.

I hope this helps

let me know how it feels in that state and maybe I can shed some light on it.

Namaste
chibbio

"Naturally the machine avoids the waking state because it dreads having to put the meaning of its ordinary existence back together again. The sleeping state has to be reconstructed each time from the waking state. It is all shattered and fragmented into what Buddhists call skandas, which is to say, its primary components.
[...]
Using special techniques, these can be made to periodically shatter just so they can be intentionally reconstructed - in the process of rebirth. We can learn to take ourselves apart and put ourselves together again, like Dodgson's Rosicrucian myth of Humpty Dumpty.
The machine wishes to avoid the fragmentation, the loss of face of the waking state, because to the machine the waking state is like death" (bold by me)
The Human Biological Machine as a Transformational Apparatus, EJ Gold

I think that perhaps the terror you feel bears direct proportion to how asleep you were; like a fire alarm ripping you from deep, deep dreams. Just take some time to integrate, and all will be well.

I am concerned about your wellbeing my friend.
Please take a while to relax, integrate what has happened but be sure to keep any major decisions at bay for a while.

Many folk had had a serious deconstruction/reconstruction via a large dose of DMT. I doubt many things could be as terrifying. But the DMT trip is over now. Please look after yourself man. I know you will i just want to show some love you know?

xxx Be safe and if you need to talk then pop in the chat room or PM us. xxx

good points xtechre, and dont forget to read through the health and safety section

During the trip I vomited several times, in multiple places, almost covered the entire house with my vomit, but hopefully no vomiting occurred really, it was all tripping. during the vomiting, the voice spirit possessing me whispered like gollum "don't pay attention to these, even if you shit and piss everywhere you CAN clean them later with a little effort, but how about your bad deeds and bad thing you've done which can't be cleaned?? your worries should be toward them which you can't clean easily, you're helpless, only God has the power to let you return.

Beside being very creepy, the voice also was talking very dirty, insulting anyone and anything from our realm, I was fearful of neighbors finding me in this state or hearing my screams, the voice insulted them all and said "they don't worth shit as well, why worry?? listen to me, don't move, watch, listen to me, don't move.... (loop)"

Seriously, If I had a sitter, it would be a lesser bad trip, for at least I could be rest assured about my physical body doing well and safe.
I was telling myself constantly that I'll return and I'll be fine, but the voice was talking tricky to me, I heard the firetruck sirens outside in the street.

Then someone else was telling me "piss, shit, and vomit more, you'll be doing that in your own world which doesn't worth shit already, so don't worry and shit (but I did not).

These spirits were tricky, I was not sure which one was talking at the moment exactly, and to trust which one? or don't trust any? I was constantly fighting and refusing them.

I'll not touch DMT for a long time (But I will sometime in the future again), For I'm sure I need to do something deep inside me first, or the same agony will replay itself again if I trip.

BTW, something I was wondering about: Did I breakthru or not? I dosed large and potentiated it heavily with Harmalas, but I was still in my room, but hell was unleashed in my room, but I was not sure if i was in my real room or not, because I was able to walk around, and one spirit was warning me each time I did, warning me about the dangers "don't move, don't do anything stupid, just sit, hear and watch good little kid (in a very creepy commanding and threating way)".

I tell myself, If this was not breakthru, then guess how many times more painful would it be if it was.

Overall I'm veeeeeery happy that finally I've returned.
Just it's horrific when I think about possiblity of going to the other side when finally I age and die. Wish I just destroy 100% when I die and don't have any "soul" or whatever you call to keep living.

I love life, I enjoy every breath of air I take, people planning to suicide really need some experience like this to change their minds.

Just reading this makes one consider their own life and actions!

i am curious though... you wondered if you had broken through? when you talk about walking around vomiting... but not actually vomiting.. im guessing this was not in the "real" physical world? im guessing that unless you actually have had to clean up any sick you must have broken through into something!

I think what you encountered was jinn ; evil spirits.

Dont them too seriously; they do not speak anything but trying to distract you and take you from your path!

Yes, I would say the same.
That's why shamans use tobacco smoke to keep them away.
That's why I always put incense in my tripping room before I start my journey.

I recommend you see a shaman or someone who deals with spirits fast. they can take care of this. I personally witnessed
a shaman clearing possessed people from evil spirits.

If you do it again, make sure it's without MAOI and with a sitter! If I were you I would stay far away from it after trip like that!

Wow, sounds like one helluva tough run. Reminds me of my 3rd salvia trip. Full blown gone. Was so glad to be back, but felt like being back was just me choosing to ignore the horrors of after or 'other, more real' life. Really felt like trees, music, history, was all just a way for my conscious to relate things to me. Still got a feeling like I know something of what to expect with death.



Yeah, it's so not cool to say goodbye right. To feel like you will take memory of all the people and the 'good' and 'bad' you did while here, affecting others. To never have a glance a chance to speak your heart to them again.

It's cool man. Apparently, we have these trips, and are taken to a place that's somehow so strangely more familiar than life. In fact such a thing scares me. Maybe your trip was darker or more than I'm imagining, but for me, just the reality-shattering view, and the idea, no the realization, of my passing, rocked me hard.

I can't explain the endless details, but the fact is, I returned much like you, with a OMFG I can't even trust my own mind this place might not even exist we are all just ideas inventing other ideas, nothing matters, etcetera. But for me, this life does matter, it's a chance for me to play a game and enjoy and battle it out in my interpretation of a middle world. My chance to get to know my desires, powers, weaknesses. It comes in time. You're a month pass already, have you indulged in awakenings since?

edit: For the record, I've been indulging only lightly since my 'overdose', about 5 months ago

Regarding the matter of the Jinn (since it came up); I'd like to point out for anyone interested that Islamic mysticism and the Quran are full of tidbits about these beings. Where the subject comes up there is usually quite a bit of detail and I'm somewhat forced to believe that early Islam dealt with matters of the unknown extensively.

Although nowadays only scraps survive of what must have been vast mapping of the other side.

For anyone interested I'd like to direct your attention to "Islamic tileworks" and "Iranian tileworks" @ google.

These psychedelic patterns are abundant all over Mosques everywhere in Iran and to gaze at them while intoxicated is quite a ride. Speaking of which, to stare at the designs of a hand-made persian rug sometimes produces results which I can only describe as "flying carpet." Anyone else back me up on this?


So, what do you think these ancient rugmakers and tileworkers were smoking?

-f

I didn't have any experience with any psychedelics before that experience with DMT, the moment it took me over I realized that, "every moment in my life, minute to minute day to day, all these years were just a game with one purpose and fate, to extract DMT and vaporize it, and now all those years of growing up to finally try DMT are over forever and I'll never return there, now I'm here and that's the only thing which matters, all the things which mattered to me are gone, family gone, silly political debates gone, life gone, me gone, everything I knew was gone".

I fear tripping more than anything but I still love it. when I'm sober I like to do something and trip, but when the trip begins (strong cannabis) I say OH SHIT NO!!!

If there was a psychedelic, which could give the user the opportunity to only watch from distant, rather than taking him THERE himself I would love that. I mean something that you can open your eyes whenever you fear and say "whoof, thank God I'm still here".

@Eranik: If you haven't tried mescaline yet I suggest that you do.

-f

Hmm, sounds like a really difficult integration eranik. Don't over perceive, or try to sense things you can't see clearly.

I wouldn't worry about tripping for a while. I'm in a similar place myself. I Like the idea of tripping, but a little scared of feeling like my heart/head is coming undone. I guess I might say I fear tripping more than a lot of things right now too. But I try to be the kind of person who isn't afraid to do something that's a little scary. Sounds like you are too. I know I'll trip again, breakthrough level. Knew it as soon as I came down, I wanted to know what was in there, what scares me so much, etc. But there's other things to worry about to. Can't get lost in wondering what's behind the curtain. Chill back, enjoy the show.

I also highly suggest mescaline when you are ready for a taste again. Easy enough to procure, and so safe and warm feeling. Start small, look for signs that direct you. Will you go further in, or not? Who knows, but try to just breathe the experience out some. It was traumatic, admit that, (assuming I'm right), and try to let it go. It was just another door you opened. Open more later if you like. And there are of course doors beyond 'psychedelic' experiences.