I should clarify a little.
It was everything. It was like a complete summation of my own existance and of all existance.
As i said in the beggining I had the thoughts and feelings of innocence....all things were interesting and equal. Pleasure and pain....That was me exploring my desires.
Then my fears came....All my fears....of sociaty, of death, of suicide( at one point it seemed that death itself was the most desirable thing period....I should say that I confronted my misuderstanding of reality which is all that fear and desire is.
Desire becomes fear becomes nothingness. Yet until I gave up on my fears and desires I was not realised.....I had to submit my being to my own control completely.
I will probably not do it again for at least a long time.
It basically reaffirmed my beleif that everything under the sun happens in its proper time and place...everything....being enlightened is no better than being simple
and being a promotor of freedom is the same as being a a tryanical man as one could not exist without the other. When cruelty comes kindness apears, when injustice apears justice comes...etc. In other words I am the sacrifice I offer on the alter of myself for myself.
Anyway I my opininios of aya and all other aspects of reality will probably be flutuating a lot for a long time.
but I am still glad I experienced what I experienced.
It was a cleansing thing like what confession is supposed to be for a catholic but brings even more pleasure and pain because its real.
In regards to your question about what I will do
I will simply continue as I see fit which is what I always do and will always do.