This isn't a report about n,n-dmt, but about our wonderful little fungi friends. 4-ho-dmt is still dmt right?

Anyway, life has been amazing these past two weeks. Both Sundays I have consumed a mushroom tea and for the first time in...ever, my life has turned around. I came to the nexus (and DMT) in a search to cure myself of a long lasting depression that I've been in since I was about 15. What happened was nothing short of miraculous. I'll split the report into two sections for each day.

1. I woke up knowing that I was going to eat mushrooms and I told myself that I was going to have a life-changing experience, or at least that's what I wanted. This was also the first time I journeyed with mushrooms by myself, although I wasn't alone. The night started hanging out with my roommate, just sitting around and talking. I've never been a supervisual person, but when I closed my eyes I see this "cube", and a total feeling of deja vu overwhelmed me. I've seen it before, and it was a heads-up that tonight was going to be special. The reason I was tripping alone was the fact that I wanted to meditate in the state of mind. I went upstairs to my dark room where the visions definitely intensified in the lack of light. I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes, and let the visions come to me. I saw many female figures, and I now understand when people say that it has a sexual feeling to it. It was almost as if they were dancing with me in a way. Then, for the first time on any psychedelic, I was able to see myself laying down from another perspective. I saw my head open and in my brain where bunches of gears and wires, and it felt like I was being reprogrammed. This alone was a huge stepping stone for me, and what follows only gets better.

As I'm laying in bed, I remember my intention of having a life changing experience. It's a little fuzzy, but at some point the message came to me. "You are unhappy because you have forgotten how happy you are to be alive." Instantly tears came to my eyes and a huge smile came across my face; utter bliss. I've figured out my plague, and it was so simple. It's definitely a lesson that everyone should learn, as it is also so easy to forget in the grind of daily life. After this, I started to see mayan(ish) patterns and then it happened. I had this feeling as if I was seeing God, that something almighty has come to ME, and it was the most incredible feeling I've ever witnessed. As the vision faded, it didn't just fade, it felt as if someone was leaving and saying goodbye to me. This has had a huge impact on my life as I have never been a religious person, and always been on the fence when it came to believing in god. I can honestly say that I do now, and this divine intervention has seriously turned my life around.

This trip was simply amazing. Words cannot even describe it. My wounds are healed, my questions are answered, and I am at peace. As someone who has always been negative, I see life in a new light. I am happy. Just saying those three words is remarkable for me, because I have spent a quarter of my life in a very, very dark place. Another thing that was great about that night was the entire trip really seemed like a lot of DMT experiences. I am still relatively new to spice, and have only dipped my toes into the waters. I feel as if I'm ready now, like I have graduated. Meditation really is a powerful tool. Also, damiana was brewed with the tea, as it is an herb I am very interested in. It may or may not have made a difference.

2. This time, a friend who I work with came over and we both indulged into some mushroom tea. Ever since that first sunday, I've been telling people about meditation. How powerful it is. As we peak we're talking, as my friend is very social, and there is absolutely nothing better than intellectual conversation. When it came time to meditate, I really found myself just not in the mood. It wasn't the right time, and it honestly feels like something that I must do alone. This trip was very light, I was in complete control and nothing was overwhelming at all. We were both in great moods and invited some friends over and drank some wine. Every sip was pure bliss going down my throat and hugging me from the inside, and I am someone who does not like to drink. We all sat in my backyard since it was a beautiful night out, with heat lightning in the background, just talking and having a great time. My friend and I really realized that there is simply not enough love in the world, and how screwed up so many things are (violent video games for example). We also both felt an extremely deep connection to the Earth. She loves us, we destroy her, and she still loves us unconditionally. I was really inclined to get out of my chair, lay face down in the grass and let gravity do its work as I just hug the Earth. I love her, and she is a mother that shows us nothing but love. Another great night, nothing like the first but amazing nonetheless.

This night really showed me that although psychedelics are tools, they also allow us to just have a great time. It's all about INTENTION. I'm still integrating these last two weeks into my life, but my quality of life has improved tenfold. I can't thank the universe enough for how fortunate and lucky I am, and how amazing it is to be on this Earth . I'm sorry for the long post, but this has made a huge impact for me. I really wish people knew the truth about the substances, how powerful they are, and something so simply can improve your life dramatically.

I LOVE YOU ALL!
-Halten

You're most definitely on the right track. Intention coupled with acute awareness is in my opinion, the key to maturity (and also whatever you may want/desire).

Themes of reprogramming/healing can be quite common with all forms of DMT. Although we tend to have universal judgments about certain things (killing is bad, loving someone of the opposite sex is good, etc), we have to remember that life is sort of a neutral experience and that it's us that makes judgments on what we see and decides whether we like it or not. Your experience is what it is, it's up to you to make what you will of it. Don't let your fears restrict you, don't let your anger and sadness pollute you, try to choose positivity/love and if you hold onto that intention, you will overcome and you will find it. Just remember that you are essentially free; even death is only the beginning of the next chapter. The only thing that should really be 'feared' (nothing should really be feared, maybe understood, but not feared) is simply prolonged bad experience (which again is only made bad by you, the person who is judging the situation). Understand that you will be tested again. In my experience, the testing never truly ends. You simply have to remember a few beautiful pieces of information that will guide you/save you in darker times (refer to paragraph above for a few of them). Don't ever forget what you know, it will be required that you recall this information some time in the future.

Always remember to respect the tools/the medicine. With the proper usage of these tools, they can provide great healing. Also remember that misuse of these tools can result in some very tough lessons. Anways, before I ramble on too much longer, welcome to the wild world of entheogens! I look forward to seeing more posts from you.

that's so cool man :]

Glad you found some relief from your "ego"

Thank you for the replies! I am not new to entheogens by any means (I actually consider the study of them my true passion, but I digress), but these experiences are on a completely new level. I feel free, like I've broken out of the prison I've locked myself into.

Positive energy is an amazing thing.

Cool yeah, great report. It even inspired SWIM to plan a little tea ceremony later on this week . I don't know if you're into reading philosophy but there's a wonderful writer/philosopher by the name of Martin Buber you might find helpful in your search. His most famous book is "I and Thou", and it's all about how to related to what he calls "God" while living an active life here in the world. He says the more you seek out G/d, the more G/d comes back to you, as G/d came to you during your mushroom experience. G/d is a fairly accurate formula developed by 5-meo-DMT aficionado James Oroc. G = the ultimate, supreme reality, d = our individual capability of realizing G, that is, making G real within our life and being. G over d is therefore the closest we can come to this transcendental reality.

Agreed, positive energy is amazing, I find it hard to keep spreading it at times. Thanks bro.

Do you live close to the ocean? Try surfing, it cured my depression. Mushrooms cured what was left, and DMT scrubbed me clean. I am becoming dirty again and I have to keep reminding myself how lucky I am to be alive. I love life, I love me, I love the people with me, and I am learning patience.

Ah matey you just warmed my cockles.