Young Billy was sitting on the side walk with a small bottle of acid, pouring drops on the ants as they crawled past.

A priest passing by saw this, and approached the lad.

"Good morning, young man. What are you doing with that little bottle?" he asked politely.

"I'm burning the ants with the acid," the boy replied.

Thinking that a bottle of acid was dangerous for a small boy to play with, the priest thought of how he could persuade the boy to part with it.

"Listen Son, I have a bottle of holy water here that you could put on the ants instead," said the priest.

"No way Father!" said the boy, "I'd rather have this bottle."

"But mine is special holy water," replied the priest.

"Well, what's so special about it?" enquired the boy.

"Ah," said the priest, "I once put a drop of this on a lady's belly and she passed a child."

"That's nothing!" exclaimed little Billy, "I once put a drop of this on a dog's gonads, and he passed a Kawasaki!!!"

The hostess poured a cup of tea for a middle-aged man at her party and asked him if he took sugar. "No," he said. "Yes," said his wife brightly at the same moment. Then she turned accusingly to him. "But I always put sugar in your tea!" "I know," the man said rudefully. "I used to remind you not to. Now I just don't stir."

That's more of a funny moment than a joke, but I like it.

That's funny.

I *love* your avatar, Dimitrius. Have you got the fullsize for my desktop please??

Uh, yeah...here: ...well, shit...I don't know it was under like, "lotus throat chakra center" or something like that in a google search, but i can't find it now.

Maybe I can just send you the files, or if you want me to, I'll just post them right here. I'm not very good with this computer stuff, so maybe they'll be large enough??

Yaeh just attach it in this thread

whats invisible and smells like bananas?



monkey farts!

So I attached a few others just in case you like them. I found them all on one website, through a google search, by one artist. I just can't seem to find it now, but there you go.

HA!!

WS

how rude of you guys to talk about me behind my back like that!

What do you call a fart in a fur coat?






A Pimp!

How many Emo's does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ... NONE CUS THEY ALL JUST SIT THERE IN THE DARK AND CUT THEMSELVES!!!!!!

Obviously the classic: What d'ya call a man with a spade stuck in his skull.... well, Doug of course.

LOL
How many punk rockers does it take to change a lightbulb? ... Trick question, punk rock never changed anything.

I thought it was funny tbh. Also, I didn't think we'd get many fans of the sex pistols on the DMT nexus... It just doesn't seem to gel with the whole attitude at all.

I always liked the one about the Dyslexic, Agnostic, Insomniac who stayed up all night wondering if there was a Dog.

I wouldn't call it a "good" joke but I always liked it...

What do you call a fly without wings???


A walk

What do thongs and barbed wire have in common?

They both protect the property without obstructing the view

A baby seal walks into a bar... The bartender asks "What will you have??"

The baby seal replies "anything but a Canadian club!"

A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe,

the barman pipes up and says, hey! you cany leave that lyin there!

and the guy says its not a lion mate its a giraffe! (the joke probably works better in a scottish accent)


HAHAHAHA a fly with no wings = a walk. Belter!


Its like what do you call a bear with no ear?

a b...

Peace