DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 1689 Joined: 18-Jan-2008 Last visit: 18-Apr-2015
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Young Billy was sitting on the side walk with a small bottle of acid, pouring drops on the ants as they crawled past. A priest passing by saw this, and approached the lad. "Good morning, young man. What are you doing with that little bottle?" he asked politely. "I'm burning the ants with the acid," the boy replied. Thinking that a bottle of acid was dangerous for a small boy to play with, the priest thought of how he could persuade the boy to part with it. "Listen Son, I have a bottle of holy water here that you could put on the ants instead," said the priest. "No way Father!" said the boy, "I'd rather have this bottle." "But mine is special holy water," replied the priest. "Well, what's so special about it?" enquired the boy. "Ah," said the priest, "I once put a drop of this on a lady's belly and she passed a child." "That's nothing!" exclaimed little Billy, "I once put a drop of this on a dog's gonads, and he passed a Kawasaki!!!" shoe
ॐ भूर्भुव: स्व: तत्सवितुर्वरेण्यं । भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि, धीयो यो न: प्रचोदयात्
Love, Gratittude, Compassion, Fearlessness!
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 1689 Joined: 18-Jan-2008 Last visit: 18-Apr-2015
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The hostess poured a cup of tea for a middle-aged man at her party and asked him if he took sugar. "No," he said. "Yes," said his wife brightly at the same moment. Then she turned accusingly to him. "But I always put sugar in your tea!" "I know," the man said rudefully. "I used to remind you not to. Now I just don't stir." shoe
ॐ भूर्भुव: स्व: तत्सवितुर्वरेण्यं । भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि, धीयो यो न: प्रचोदयात्
Love, Gratittude, Compassion, Fearlessness!
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 1052 Joined: 18-Jan-2008 Last visit: 29-Jun-2017 Location: Earth, of course??
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shoe wrote:The hostess poured a cup of tea for a middle-aged man at her party and asked him if he took sugar. "No," he said. "Yes," said his wife brightly at the same moment. Then she turned accusingly to him. "But I always put sugar in your tea!" "I know," the man said rudefully. "I used to remind you not to. Now I just don't stir." That's more of a funny moment than a joke, but I like it.  "Within your heart is a lotus, and within this lotus is a diamond. This diamond is the source of creation, and in all the creation, there is only one lotus."
"Only from the Heart can you touch the sky." ~ Rumi
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 1052 Joined: 18-Jan-2008 Last visit: 29-Jun-2017 Location: Earth, of course??
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shoe wrote:Young Billy was sitting on the side walk with a small bottle of acid, pouring drops on the ants as they crawled past.
A priest passing by saw this, and approached the lad.
"Good morning, young man. What are you doing with that little bottle?" he asked politely.
"I'm burning the ants with the acid," the boy replied.
Thinking that a bottle of acid was dangerous for a small boy to play with, the priest thought of how he could persuade the boy to part with it.
"Listen Son, I have a bottle of holy water here that you could put on the ants instead," said the priest.
"No way Father!" said the boy, "I'd rather have this bottle."
"But mine is special holy water," replied the priest.
"Well, what's so special about it?" enquired the boy.
"Ah," said the priest, "I once put a drop of this on a lady's belly and she passed a child."
"That's nothing!" exclaimed little Billy, "I once put a drop of this on a dog's gonads, and he passed a Kawasaki!!!"
That's funny. "Within your heart is a lotus, and within this lotus is a diamond. This diamond is the source of creation, and in all the creation, there is only one lotus."
"Only from the Heart can you touch the sky." ~ Rumi
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 1689 Joined: 18-Jan-2008 Last visit: 18-Apr-2015
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I *love* your avatar, Dimitrius. Have you got the fullsize for my desktop please?? shoe
ॐ भूर्भुव: स्व: तत्सवितुर्वरेण्यं । भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि, धीयो यो न: प्रचोदयात्
Love, Gratittude, Compassion, Fearlessness!
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 1052 Joined: 18-Jan-2008 Last visit: 29-Jun-2017 Location: Earth, of course??
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shoe wrote:I *love* your avatar, Dimitrius. Have you got the fullsize for my desktop please?? Uh, yeah...here: ...well, shit...I don't know it was under like, "lotus throat chakra center" or something like that in a google search, but i can't find it now. Maybe I can just send you the files, or if you want me to, I'll just post them right here. I'm not very good with this computer stuff, so maybe they'll be large enough?? "Within your heart is a lotus, and within this lotus is a diamond. This diamond is the source of creation, and in all the creation, there is only one lotus."
"Only from the Heart can you touch the sky." ~ Rumi
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 1689 Joined: 18-Jan-2008 Last visit: 18-Apr-2015
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Yaeh just attach it in this thread  shoe
ॐ भूर्भुव: स्व: तत्सवितुर्वरेण्यं । भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि, धीयो यो न: प्रचोदयात्
Love, Gratittude, Compassion, Fearlessness!
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 163 Joined: 01-Jan-2009 Last visit: 18-Oct-2015 Location: Electric Ladyland
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whats invisible and smells like bananas? monkey farts!  I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 1052 Joined: 18-Jan-2008 Last visit: 29-Jun-2017 Location: Earth, of course??
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shoe wrote:Yaeh just attach it in this thread So I attached a few others just in case you like them. I found them all on one website, through a google search, by one artist. I just can't seem to find it now, but there you go.  Dimitrius attached the following image(s):  4d1b2303606b9d0f0b3af4b7d2e8db20.jpg (105kb) downloaded 326 time(s). 9f9ed68f00eafbb32b62470045cc9117.jpg (84kb) downloaded 322 time(s). 0f868772ff76c9775b1d25579e1f616b.jpg (113kb) downloaded 323 time(s). 0a9967379fa87ddd7e08176ba01e46d1.jpg (98kb) downloaded 324 time(s). daa763482fd8b4c83a3fdf94821054a7.jpg (144kb) downloaded 325 time(s). f26d5ae7b2d271c9a5e3f4bb4ee0fc16.jpg (229kb) downloaded 322 time(s)."Within your heart is a lotus, and within this lotus is a diamond. This diamond is the source of creation, and in all the creation, there is only one lotus."
"Only from the Heart can you touch the sky." ~ Rumi
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 1813 Joined: 18-Jan-2008 Last visit: 17-Oct-2013 Location: Heart of the Sun
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Buster wrote:whats invisible and smells like bananas? monkey farts! HA!!WS All posts are fictional short stories depicting the adventures of WSaged!! None of these events have actually happened and any resemblance to any real persons or incidents is totally coincidence!!!!!!!!!!!!
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 62 Joined: 14-Sep-2010 Last visit: 26-Aug-2014 Location: the challenger deep
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WSaged wrote:Buster wrote:whats invisible and smells like bananas? monkey farts! HA!!WS how rude of you guys to talk about me behind my back like that!  just be yourself... everyone else is already taken
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 163 Joined: 01-Jan-2009 Last visit: 18-Oct-2015 Location: Electric Ladyland
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What do you call a fart in a fur coat? A Pimp! I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 1689 Joined: 18-Jan-2008 Last visit: 18-Apr-2015
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How many Emo's does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ... NONE CUS THEY ALL JUST SIT THERE IN THE DARK AND CUT THEMSELVES!!!!!! Obviously the classic: What d'ya call a man with a spade stuck in his skull.... well, Doug of course. shoe
ॐ भूर्भुव: स्व: तत्सवितुर्वरेण्यं । भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि, धीयो यो न: प्रचोदयात्
Love, Gratittude, Compassion, Fearlessness!
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 2354 Joined: 24-Jan-2010 Last visit: 21-Jun-2012 Location: Massachusetts
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LOL How many punk rockers does it take to change a lightbulb? ... Trick question, punk rock never changed anything. PK Dick is to LSD as HP Lovecraft is to Mushrooms
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 1689 Joined: 18-Jan-2008 Last visit: 18-Apr-2015
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I thought it was funny tbh. Also, I didn't think we'd get many fans of the sex pistols on the DMT nexus... It just doesn't seem to gel with the whole attitude at all. shoe
ॐ भूर्भुव: स्व: तत्सवितुर्वरेण्यं । भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि, धीयो यो न: प्रचोदयात्
Love, Gratittude, Compassion, Fearlessness!
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 4804 Joined: 08-Dec-2008 Last visit: 18-Aug-2023 Location: UK
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I always liked the one about the Dyslexic, Agnostic, Insomniac who stayed up all night wondering if there was a Dog.
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 1925 Joined: 28-Apr-2010 Last visit: 07-Jul-2024
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I wouldn't call it a "good" joke but I always liked it... What do you call a fly without wings??? A walk Convert a melodic element into a rhythmic element...
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 1925 Joined: 28-Apr-2010 Last visit: 07-Jul-2024
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What do thongs and barbed wire have in common? They both protect the property without obstructing the view Convert a melodic element into a rhythmic element...
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 1925 Joined: 28-Apr-2010 Last visit: 07-Jul-2024
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A baby seal walks into a bar... The bartender asks "What will you have??" The baby seal replies "anything but a Canadian club!" Convert a melodic element into a rhythmic element...
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 163 Joined: 01-Jan-2009 Last visit: 18-Oct-2015 Location: Electric Ladyland
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A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, the barman pipes up and says, hey! you cany leave that lyin there! and the guy says its not a lion mate its a giraffe! (the joke probably works better in a scottish accent) HAHAHAHA a fly with no wings = a walk. Belter! Its like what do you call a bear with no ear? a b... Peace I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.
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