So.. I'm so ecstatic right now.. I just have to share this. This was my fourth time brewing Aya.. The first time I didn't do right, the second time worked but was with a very low dose of DMT, the third time didn't work (either bad, or not enough Chacruna), but this fourth time was incredible..

I brewed 60 grams Caapi, and 8 grams Mimosa for about 6 hours. Went outside under the stars, laying on a blanket.. And got ready. This time I didn't do all the mental preparation I normally do.. I think that sometimes all the mental prep actually contributes to some of my fear. I hold this stuff so high in my mind that I think sometimes I have psyched myself out.. Thinking about how powerful it is makes me very nervous. So while I still had some intentions in my heart, this was a much more care-free journey for me. I was a little nervous that not giving it the proper thought could end up having the opposite of the intended effects, but it ended up working very well. And I'm still all for good preparation, mental and physical, and proper intentions, but this was just the way I needed to do it for me this time.

T - 1 hr: Took 50mg dramamine. Very good decision, helped with the "spinning" I get sometimes, and made the nausea bearable. (Dramamine has helped greatly with my last few boosters of Iboga as well)

T + 0: Drank the Caapi in one shot. 60 grams made with about 2 liters of water, reduced to about 1 oz of liquid.. Yuck!! I didn't filter it this time as well. I mean, I got all the big plant material out, but the little chunks and stuff I left in this time. It was very gritty and hard to choke down. But a few sips of orange juice took the taste away quickly.

T + 15: Took my first big sip of Mimosa. Probably half of the drink, so about 4 grams worth.

T + 25: Not feeling anything.. Nothing from the Caapi, nothing from the Mimosa.. Getting a little bummed that I might have just wasted 6 hours only to mess something up in the brew. Last time I felt the Mimosa immediately after I drank it. And I mean immediately, within seconds. Decide to drink some more Mimosa just in case, took another sip, I've now consumed at least 2/3 of the Mimosa, so a good 6 grams worth.

T + 35: Still not feeling much.. First alerts maybe, but I can't be sure at this point. Also, not sure if there was a meteor shower, or if it was just a magical lucky night for me, but at this point I've seen 4 shooting stars! Beautiful, but kind of tricky.. Wasn't sure if it was in my head the first couple times.. Hahaha, made me laugh.

T + 45: Ok.. Time gets sketchy from here on. The strong part of the experience lasts about 2 hours.. So I don't think I'll comment too much more on the time, but here's what happened.

The buzzing is back.. I know this is going to be real this time. I'm laying down with my head on a pillow looking at the stars when I get the familiar vibration in my body. It always startles me with it's strength. Immediately I get the FEAR. Complete panic. "Oh my god... WHY do I keep doing this to myself? Forget DMT.. It's not for me. Why on earth do people like this? I don't want to be scared for the next several hours.."

The vibrating speeds up and gains strength. I think about making myself purge to try to lighten the experience.. I'm terrified. I lean up and rest on my elbow, to prepare to make myself purge.. But as soon as I lean up the fear subsides, and the vibration slows down a bit. I remember that I still have some control over this. Everything feels so much better. The effects are there.. slowly building up in waves. I decide to remain leaning up for awhile.. Because it seems that when I'm lying still, that's when the intensity starts to scare me.

Still no strong visual effects. I'm wondering why. I know DMT is supposed to be one of the most visual things out there.. I'm not doing it for the visuals, but it just makes me wonder if I'm not taking enough, or somehow different from others.. This is soon answered though

I look up at the stars and everything starts to shatter a bit.. There are halos coming off everything, especially things in my periphery. When I close my eyes I can start to see swirling patterns of color. I decide I'm ready to take this to the next level and ride with it. I want to change my music.. Usually I listen to Shpongle for experiences like this.. But in the past it's kind of held a dark undertone and scared me a bit. Flipping through my IPOD I stop when I see "Tool" and think that will be perfect.. Yeah, it's kind of heavy.. But the lyrics from the "Lateralus" album are exactly what I need at this moment. I switch to the track "Parabol", which is followed by "Parabola". Part of the lyrics are:

---

We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment,
We are choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside
This holy reality, this holy experience.
Choosing to be here in

This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion.

Twirling round with this familiar parabol.
Spinning, weaving round each new experience.
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing.

This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality.
Embrace this moment. Remember. we are eternal.
All this pain is an illusion.

---

Perfect!! It's so perfect.. The lyrics are so true and comforting to me.. The first song builds slowly into the next where those lyrics start.. As soon as the distorted guitar hits in the "Parabola" track, everything takes off. Colors are swirling everywhere.. I see the same things with my eyes opened or closed. Geometric patterns, everything growing and morphing in fractal patterns.. It's so beautiful. I'm thinking "Hmm.. This isn't very spiritual yet. Normally I'm always thinking about crazy philosophical life stuff, but right now I just feel... AWESOME." My body is vibrating with energy. My muscles are twitching involuntarily. I'm tensing and releasing.. Shivering. Staying grounded in my breath. It feels like the best ecstasy ever. I feel absolutely amazing. But then I notice my stomach.. It's starting to grumble and I'm getting nauseas. I lean up with my head over the grass and prepare for the purge.

It comes violently, but I don't mind.. After the first purge I open my eyes and see faces in the grass staring back at me, smiling. I laugh. I purge a few more times, then when it's finally over I wipe my mouth off and crash my head back down onto my pillow.. I'm freezing cold, but know it's just from the DMT.. I cover myself completely with my blankets and this is when it really begins.

The music is taking me on a journey.. At this point it's only been a few minutes since it all started.. And this really intense part only lasted maybe 20 or 30 minutes tops, then things slowly recede. But the intense part.. The music was amazing. I was literally laughing out loud. I couldn't believe how happy I was and how good I felt. For a few minutes I just enjoy the visuals.. Since I'm under a blanket it doesn't matter if my eyes are open or closed, it's all black (except for the swirling galaxy of millions of colors, haha) It was so beautiful. I saw a beautiful lattice/grid thing of colors, that was flowing like it was attached to a ribbon that was gliding in the wind. It's changing speeds and direction, flowing with the music in my ears. I'm in awe of the beauty. Then I start seeing more.. It becomes 3-dimensional. It seems to slide back, as if it was resting on top of a door, and someone just opened the door. This happens several times, each time leading me into another dimension.

Then it finally starts to get spiritual.. Much deeper. The colors and patterns are still there, but I'm more in my head now. Seeing things as though they're real, but I know it's in my minds eye. These thoughts keep going through my head.

It's not real.. It IS real though.. It's all just me. It's been me all along. Is this some kind of test? Whatever it is, I know I chose it. I. I. I. It's all me.. It's always been me, the whole time.

Then, the weirdest thing about the trip I think happened here.. I start reliving old memories. People I've seen throughout my life. I'm going to see friends. Buying drugs. Going to the store. Seeing family.. All these people from my life. Friends, ex's, family, co-workers, etc. I see them at a distance at first. Then they notice me looking at them, and everytime someone sees me, they quickly fly up to me, grab my face and look me in the eye. From a distance it looked like they were who I knew them to be, but when they got right up to my face I looked them in the eye and saw my own face. Everytime. It was just me. Everyone was just me. I heard their voices whispering my name. It seemed to be coming from everyone. Over and over, my name, my face. Everyone. Every time. Everything. It was very intense. But reinforced my belief that we're all connected. There's no basic difference between you and me. We're all god, experiencing itself subjectively.

I was the entire universe, and the entire universe was me. I had a few thoughts about my past problems with addiction, or bad choices I've made.. But those started to scare me a little bit, and I decided I wasn't quite ready to go there yet. I know that most would consider what I took to be a big dose, but I can still it can still go much deeper. Perhaps I have a naturally high tolerance for this stuff. Either way, I decided it wasn't the time to delve into the darkness just yet. I'm still very new to the world of Aya/DMT, and I think this was just the experience I needed at this time. It reminded me how beautiful everything is, and how lucky I am for this body and this life. And it finally showed me that Aya can be friendly as well..

Eventually I couldn't take my shivers anymore, and went in to take a shower.. Ooooh what fun! Haha.. But after that things had mostly wound down. The whole experience had only lasted about two hours from the time I first drank the Caapi. It was nice and light. And I am very grateful for it. I know though that if I am to continue on this path with Aya, I will require more in the future, and have to be prepared to confront things that may be uncomfortable. I see now the true possibilities for healing that are possible. But the best thing is that I'm not so afraid anymore. I always get a sudden surge of panic when the vibrating starts, but I feel like I'm now more equipped to handle it. This is what I needed to be able to delve deeper in the future.

What a gift.

Thanks for reading.

Beautiful report!! I am to imbibe some aya very soon (2nd time, first was two years ago and the only regrettable psychedlic experience of my life, despite perfect set and setting), and you have inspired confidence in me. I have to admit i chuckled when you stated that you opted for Tool as a musical choice because Shpongle was too dark! I used to listen to ligeti and penderecki and earth and jane's addiction and autechre and aphex twin on shrooms and was elated when i found sbpongle, thinking i had finally found some trippy music that was joyful and playful and full of celebration to lift the dark spectre from my journeys!

Darkness, clearly, is in the ear of the beholder!!

Thanks for sharing such an inspiring journey!! For more on the "i am god, all are one" theme, check out some older trip reports of mine: mycomysterium in the mushroom subforum, and Lucy dreams of lucy dreaming... in the LSD subforum. I am on my phone on the moment, so i can't link you directly..

Thanks for sharing

JBArk

truly beautiful report digital thank you. good work your really doing it right.

its funny how many times now you and i have had similar thoughts and ideas. its almost strange . yesterday i was thinking about drinking this weekend. my sitter bailed on me :evilanother reason i dont like sitters) so i was wondering if i should press on anyway.
if so i am planning on skipping most of the ritual de lo habitual stuff. i felt that the whole day devoted to the ceremony and all the smudging, prayers, music, candles, meditating, intentions lists, ext..... just puts this anxiety vibe to drinking. i had quite a scary one last time so im already a bit nervous i just want to be chill about things this time. not saying im going to be disrespectful just skip some pre-drink stuff and try to be more light hearted.

your report inspired me to press on. thank you brother. good work sir.

Indeed Olympus! Stay the course my friend! This experience was exactly what I needed.. Because I was thinking if it was as terrifying as my last one, I might give Aya a break for awhile.. But this completely renewed my belief in it. And yeah, I had a little fear in wondering if by avoiding all the prayer and ritual I was being disrespectful, and would be punished for that.. But it just eased all the anxiety for me. I don't quite want to say that I went into with the intent of having a "good time". I still knew what I was doing in my heart.. But really, I just went into it clear-headed, and light-hearted. That made such a big difference for me.. Though like I said, the fear did show it's face in the beginning.. but promptly left, and I was all smiles and laughter the rest of the time. The body effects were absolutely wonderful too! It felt like a full body/mind orgasm.

I'm very much looking forward to my next journey.

And jbark: Yeah.. I mean don't get the wrong impression. I do not at ALL think Shpongle music is dark.. Yeah, for me it's just the opposite. It's so beautiful, and has always been my absolute number one favorite music to trip to (innebriated or sober). But on the come up of my first aya trip, I was listening to Ineffable Mysteries from Shpongleland, and it just seemed dark to me.. It was probably just that the trip was beginning to get intense and I interpretted it coming through the music like that.. I dunno. But I just had a little fear related to Shpongle this time. Almost like it would be a little too over-stimulating perhaps, for a novice like me.

And yeah.. I was really scared before I started playing Tool. I didn't know how it would feel, being heavy like it is.. But I just HAD to hear those lyrics at that moment.. And it was the best decision I made all night.

right on brother. thanks your words are making me feel better about things. i think we both may have wanted to be soooo respectful and do things exactly right that we zapped ourselves from the sheer presure

i hope to have your good fortune as well. i feel like i know what to do if the fear comes this time. i just need to not "fear" it. sounds funny not fearing fear but that's where my resistance lies. i wouldn't surrender to what is and just be.

the other thing i did last time which i will never try again was i smoked a lil dmt to get things rolling. vaped dmt and me have had to say out goodbyes after the last bad trip 9 months ago. (it really shook me to the core and i doubt ill ever feel comfortable blasting off again). as soon as the vaped dmt effects began i started to panic so you could imagine how the rest of the 3 hours of peaking went! i drank multiple addy's up to the 2nd hour. it was a 5 hour ordeal. although i feel it was amazing and powerful healing occured i wouldnt mind having an easier time this one .

^^

Haha, yeah, I actually just read that report you wrote about it.. Intense stuff my friend.

And something else that I've just found helps me with the fear.. Like I said in my report.. I was laying down looking at the stars when everything began to vibrate and the fear kicked in.. So I decided to try to abort the whole fucker and make myself puke, but as soon as I leaned up in all left me. I think it was the act of sitting up and choosing to move my body that reminded me I still have some control, maybe not over the entire trip, but certainly in how I react to it.

So throughout the rest of the night there were a few times when I could feel the fear creeping up a little bit, so I would just sit up, roll over, move around a bit, attempt to walk. Things like that really really helped.

Sounds like a really great experience Digital.



I would say that Shpongle if anything is for sure intense. All the layers mixed in and out with the oscillating effects on weird vocals/samples could for sure play games with you at times. But intensity can be really great of course. But before you get your bearings as things build especially, as Digital was saying, music can do some funny things to you.

One of my all time moments with entheo's/music was listening to Skinny Puppy over headphones by myself at the beach shortly after sunrise a long time ago while on a decent amount of LSD. I think lot's of people would consider a good portion (or all) of Skinny Puppy to be "dark", but I find it very intense/beautiful at the same time. I can listen to this one particular track and vaguely pull back the sensation of staring out over the ocean and just flowing with everything with that de-focused focus (haha psychedelic word soup). I really gained this super appreciation for the track that had never grabbed me before compared to my favorites.



Very interesting. This sounds like an old trick I learned that especially helped me with LSD. I think there is some link to the asana portion of yoga. When you are totally still with your body it allows you to forget your body, sort of sensory deprivation for that one sense. This is super easy to achieve on psychedelics. Sometimes that can bring on some pretty intense stuff that you may not be prepared for at the time. I also found that moving around would instantly solve the dissolved body if I wanted to pull out of it. A good walk around if you are somewhere you feel comfortable can be very helpful for me when I am in a place I don't want to be mentally. If you can't walk around any movement can help. It's no cure all, but it certainly helps me with some specific things.

thank you for sharing this with us digital. I'm very glad to hear such a beautiful experience from you.

Very welcome, thank you for taking the time to read it!

so digital,
you dosed 8g mimosa? was this cold water extraction? i ask because i got my ass kicked from 1.75g mimosa + 50mg dmt freebase. im just sitting here scratching my head at 8g if it was brewed. from what i experienced that doesnt even sound survivable . ego's aside im not exactly a light weight with dmt or mushrooms and ive been on my share of hell rides so im trying to figure out if your like the NEO of ayahuasca or wtf j/k
what were your previous amounts if you don't mind me asking? what factors influenced your choice to take 8g's ?

you know im not questioning your actions brudda, im just trying to understand the ranges of these plants.

Well.. I'll do my best to break it down.

My first successful time I brewed 8 g Mimosa, from fresh bark...

(hahaha.. damnit.. i don't know why i'm sharing this.. but i have some chew in right now, and i just sneezed and got a combination of chew spit and sneeze juice all over me... hahaha.. wtf)

Ok anyway.. First time was 8 g Mimosa, ground fresh in a coffee grinder from fresh bark. I took two big swigs of it and got probably 6 grams worth in me.. It hit me FAST, and I purged after only about 5 minutes.. So lord only knows how much I actually absorbed. It was very strong mentally, but not very visual for me.. So I think I didn't absorb too much.

This last time I brewed 8 g again, from a different supplier, and it was already shredded when I got it.. I ended up drinking 6 grams worth.. And I could tell it was stronger than the first time, because I didn't purge for an hour or so.. But I can definitely tell I can still go much farther with this stuff.

It's hard for me to be sure about anything.. because the bark was from two different suppliers, and I don't know how big of a difference it makes if it's already shredded, or when you grind it fresh yourself.

But yeah, I know everyone talks about how potent MHRB is.. but I'm really thinking I either had kind of weak stuff this second time, or I'm just naturally tolerant of it. Although the first time with the fresh ground stuff, I could feel how powerful it was.. Like I said, I felt it immediately and still tripped even though I purged after 5 minutes.. So I've still got a lot more learning to do..

Definitely don't take my doses and run with them yourself, haha.. But yeah, 6g was what I ingested this past time, and I definitely could have handled more.