SWIM took the plunge for the first time last night with a caapi only brew that he prepared. He wrote up this report and wanted me to pass it along to the nexus. This is very verbose as SWIM just wanted to remember as much of the experience as possible and get it all down.
Preparation:
I was going to stay up a little late one night after work and brew everything. I started by smudging the kitchen with palo santo and then got out to work on hammering up the 200g of fresh whole Cielo vine. Man is that a sturdy vine. It ended up taking about 4 hours for me to hammer it all out and hand pull the flattened vine apart. I was nervous about not getting it finely shredded enough so I made sure to pull it apart very finely. I wasn't expecting it to take that long and it was already late and I was getting tired so I decided to brew the next day.
The next day I smudged again and then got my two stainless steel pots out and put my vine in. I had 200g of shredded yellow in one and the cielo in the other. I did the 3x3 hour boils as per the sticky. I added about 1 tablespoon of 5% vinegar per liter of water. I needed a lot more water to cover the hammered/shredded cielo than the yellow. I spent my whole day in the kitchen with the pots. Did some light meditation during each brew.
After all 3 brews I had over 2 quarts of brew from the cielo and maybe 1/3 of that for the yellow in separate containers. I moved the majority of the cielo into a smaller steel pot. The cielo was in two different containers as I had more brew than the 2 quart container could handle. At this point after all the time and attention spent so far I had a momentary lapse of attention and took the container that had the yellow brew in it and poured it into the same steel pot. I immediately realized what I did and had to laugh at myself for screwing up at this point of the process. There were moments of anger, but I knew it wasn't all a waste and got over it. I was disappointed that I wouldn't be able to see the differences and figure out the dosages for the two different types of brews.
I reduced to 500ml of my hybrid caapi brew. I thought that a 50ml ~40g dose should be a good first go round and if needed I could boost some. I have read in the forums that the cielo can be very strong, but wasn't sure if my shredding/brewing would be good the first go around so I wasn't thinking that this dose would be too strong.
This was Wednesday and I had Sunday scheduled for the actual drinking of the brew. I had already stopped drinking any alcohol or smoking any cannabis since the Previous Friday. I then was going to have a modified diet from Thursday on. I already eat relatively healthy at this stage in my life. I eat probably 95% vegetarian with some occasional fish and even more rare meat. For my own dieta/ritual I decided I would cut out all cheese and spice (I love spicy food) and caffeine and eat pretty simply. I had a lot of fruit smoothies with bananas, strawberries, blueberries and OJ. I had some whole wheat rolls and rice and falafel and hummus. Pretty simple stuff.
The morning of I had 3 eggs for breakfast and then some Fruit, Pita and Hummus for lunch then waited about 4-5 hours before taking the brew.
Journey:
Some free samples of copal was burned in the living room where I was going to settle into the experience. After it died down some I took my measured out 50ml (~40g caapi) of brew to my lips for the first time. The initial taste on the first swig started out ok. I actually had about 2 seconds thinking this might not be too bad, but that was quickly flipped around to a terrible taste that stayed with me. The vinegar was for sure a culprit in the taste and lingered. I ate a Strawberry and drank some coconut water to help mask the taste before I went in for another. At this point I wished I knew how those frat boys could open their throats to down a shot in one fell swoop. This is a skill I have never learned to pick up. The entire 50ml was downed in two more sips the same way and then I sate back and let it come on.
Pretty soon on I noticed some changes, very slight. I was thinking maybe this would be enough and I wouldn't need to boost at all, though it is too soon to tell. I got up to move around to check out how that felt and could notice some differences, but nothing substantial yet. At around 15 minutes there was no question that I was going to experience at least a little of the vine.
I closed my eyes and was overcome with the spinning sensation, similar to a bad night of drinking. I just let this feeling go and instead of spinning I ended up with a feeling of rapid movement from side to side. It wasn't nauseating at all.
I noticed lots of changes to my vision. Trails from movement were starting to come on pretty strong. When moving eyes from one area to next it was not smooth, but stuttered like many single pictures as my vision fell into it's new place. A blue light from my computer would be in an unbroken chain to where it settled. Corner of my vision has webs. It feels better to close my eyes.
The brew feels like it is coming on pretty fast and strong. Not expecting this much to be happening. All senses are in overload. Hearing is especially interesting and intensified. I put on my prepared play list to fall into that. Wow does the music sound so full and different. It feels much more intense and fast that in normal consciousness. I can hear very well things far away. My wife in the office listening to an online lecture noises outside. In one sense my mind feels very normal though thoughts are racing in and out. With the strong come on I remember feelings of anxiety at the onset of other psychedelic experiences in the past. The whole not knowing how much more is in store for you feeling. I momentarily think "do I really want to get back into this". As it is coming on at one point I have my eyes closed and see two blue lights in front of me. I get the feeling they are eyes looking at me. They seem to be spaced appropriately. I wonder for a second if this is the vine giving me a once over though I am not attached to the idea at all.
At about 30 minutes I sit up and the first purge comes. It doesn't hurt at all, though I don't necessarily feel it as a "purge" it is all about the nausea and pushing it out of me I'm not thinking of anything much. Very liquidy and smooth. I think I have done well with my diet to ease the purge. Movement now is making me very nauseous. I settle into a very stable position with my hands on my head and elbows on my needs to settle down. The music is very absorbing I enjoy it, though it is very intense especially mixed in with my body sensations. I think this is when I start to have lots of images flashing up with closed eyes. I see many faces. They are all female. The faces are not super clear and right in my face. They feel like they are a little far away, but I can make them out pretty well. The faces don't stay on one face very long. I notice some people I recognize and others are just random to me. This is totally unexpected and interesting. I change positions and lean back in my chair. The movement is rough but I am able to stay there for a little bit without purging. I think around this point I see a much larger and flatter face like image. Not as round like the human images I have seen. The human images were not colorful at all. This one is very yellowish green in the face with some very green hair. A clearly female face as well. It takes up much more of my vision than the human faces. In this state I feel this is the vine or at least an image of what my mind can come up with to express the vine. Perhaps something archetypal. There is no communication really just the faint image of this.
I spend a while moving into many different positions in my chair. There is frequent purging. I am really resonating with the bass/rhythm sounds in the music. Inside I am moving rhythmically with them while all the other sounds of the music flow around the outside of this. With the nausea I can't seem to fully let go. It is always present and I wonder when the next purge will be coming. Around this time I feel like maybe I need to head to the bathroom so I take my bucket and stand up. Moving is very hard and wobbly and with eyes open the movement with the tracers and everything is very crazy. Despite this I think I am fine without needing my wife to help. It would be weird regardless. My T-shirt gets stuck on this hook on the side of the door as I was leaning that way for some support. Part of me finds this very comical, while part of me is worrying about the "simple" task of getting unstuck. Luckily I have my bucket because stuck there at the door I need to purge and do so. I then try and focus on the hook. It is difficult to focus my vision, but I do and I easily get it off. I stumble to the toilet and put the buck down as I sit down. I purge again and miss the bucket. Turns out I am fine in the bowels department and nothing happens while sitting there except some more purging. I am sweating like crazy while on the toilet purging.
I move difficultly to the floor as the idea of the cold tiles seems great. I have to make purging stops on the way down. It is funny how little the movement to get to the floor is, but how many stops I need to purge. I finally make it and the cool tile feels nice. I can still only partially let go due to all the nausea, but the flow of thoughts and images is not overwhelming in any sense. The music still is intense and fast despite the feeling that time is moving very slowly. I change positions on the floor many times. Purges come even when I am totally still. My mind is having tons of different thoughts come and go. None of them ever stay long. They range from all spectrum's of things I think about. At one point I move onto my back. My body keeps moving after I stop, but I am able to stabilize through feeling somehow. At that point I have a faint vision of two human like children far away. They seem pleased that I have figured this out. I feel like one is male and one is female thought I can't clearly see them. One of them has some sort of ball, I almost feel like it is some sort of controller like for a video game. Despite my potential new trick to stabilize myself I still find myself changing positions a lot and not always being able to stay the nausea.
At one point I am on my stomach with the cool ground. At this point I am no longer hot I am in a cold sweat. This is very much like the feeling of a sever stomach flu. A sample of Terence comes on the music "Nothing is Lost, Nothing is lost. Everything is on track (echo echo echo). This makes me think some about this book CosMos I have been reading by Ervin Laszlo and someone else I can't think of off the top of my head. I am thinking about the idea that the universe is creating more and more complex and higher forms of order. I see a moving image of space with stars. At one point I am on my side and get a feeling like I am already dead and there are things growing around me. Like everything else though this is quick and I don't get stuck on it. It also doesn't bring any negative feelings and I am able to be both dead there and on the floor of the bathroom at the same time. I know based on the music that I am only at max and hour and a half from drinking the brew, though it feels like a long time and paradoxically the music still feels much faster paced (at least when it is in an upbeat rhythmic part).
At one point I think about something trivial and how I make a hard decision on what it was. I can't even remember what it was, but I realize I should apply some good old R.A.W maybe logic to this. I think I am good at doing this on very esoteric, mysterious type things that are hard to really come up with a definite statement of what is really happening/what they are about. However I think maybe I don't do this enough to more normal areas of things. I think of John Lilly's programming the human bio-computer here and try to put this thought into my subconscious (I have never tried anything like this in a entheogenic state) to allow me to bring this maybe logic more into my life.
Eventually I decide to move over to where the little pile of vomit is in front of the toilet and clean that up. Moving is still very labored and I have to purge some. While on my hands and knees I was on a nerve ending on my left foot that caused me to shake. I moved to stop this, but eventually my whole body was shacking anyway with cold waves. This lasts maybe a few minutes then dies down. I get the vomit cleaned up after some time.
Soon after I crawled (instead of getting up and walking) into the living room and made it back to my chair. My wife had brought me some water and my coconut water, but I feel no desire to put anything in my body despite the fact that I mush be super dehydrated. I make it back to my chair and settle in. I am still changing positions regularly and purging every once and a while. The purges seem to be happening a little less frequently. The open eye hi-jinks still seem about the same as they have been. I feel better with closed eyes. I am very cold right now. At one point I think about asking my wife to come in and give me some socks and a hoodie. I don't really want to disturb her though. I eventually figure out that there is a blanket on the chair right to my left so I wrap myself up in that. I am still very cold even with it on. I am mostly cold for a good amount of time even when purging, but at one purge I get the hot flash again and sweat like crazy. This clears soon and I am back to being cold. At one point my dog jumps up on the chair to cuddle with me. He steps on my stomach and it forces me to purge and he decides maybe he doesn't want to cuddle anymore
.
At one point in this still strong stage on the chair I have another vision that I feel is the the same two children that were watching me in the bathroom. This time they are on some sort of bench in the upper left part of my awareness. I don't really get any feelings from this just their presence for a little while then it fades to some new images.
I can definitely tell that the most intense parts are now over and I am starting the slow crawl to baseline. It's maybe 3-4 hours in at this point. I think about the more scientific aspect of the journey now and how my body is close to metabolizing most of the alkaloids and that is why it is almost over. The nausea is still there though I have to purge much more rarely. I am able to move some without being overcome. I recognize the last song on the play list because I hear the familiar cure inspired guitar riff from the last song on the 'Younger Brother' album. This makes me think back to college and all the good times we had listening to Disintegration and Mixed up and a few other Cure albums while in a psychedelic state. I for sure changed a lot of my friends opinions by playing some of this to them. You could say I used the states we were in to "brainwash" them haha, though all I ever did was put the music on. I haven't listened to Disintegration for a really long time and I get the strong urge to put it on after the play list comes to an end. Great nostalgic feelings come on as the bells slowly build up from 'Plainsong' I have some very interesting expansive visions with closed eyes. As the last song "Untitled" comes on the lyrics really hit me from the opening line.
"Hopelessly drift
In the eyes of the ghost again
Down on my knees
And my hands in the air again
Pushing my face in the memory of you again
But I never know if it's real
Never know how I wanted to feel "
It is funny how you can attribute new meanings to lyrics you are familiar with. I could easily see this being a direct dialogue with the spirit of ayahuasca. I have always enjoyed this melancholy song. But I didn't get a melancholy vibe from the first verse there. It felt like an awe induced plea to the spirit. I know Robert is very familiar with Psychedelics and spent much of the 80's experimenting. I think it is probably unlikely that this was purely inspired in that regard, but it was interesting to think about. And either way it was very moving fitting for close to the end of the caapi experience.
After this I made my way to the couch. I drank a bunch of water and laid down. I hadn't purged in a while (well in comparison to before anyway), but soon after this I purged up for the last time. I put on one of my newest musical loves, Shubert's one and only Sting Quintet. This piece almost instantly became one of my favorite musical works of all time. I only recently decide to delve into the classical world finally and am so glad I did. It is amazing how moving this piece is to me. I settle down and let it wash over me. I think I started dozing in and out of sleep around the 3rd movement but still remember most of it. After it was done I fell asleep for a while and woke up around 1:15 about 7 and a half hours after the start. I made my way to the bedroom and tried to sleep, but couldn't get back to sleep for quite a while.
Aftermath:
As I was thinking during the experience. I can hardly imagine adding any DMT containing admixtures to this. I don't know if they would have balanced each other out at all, but the idea of adding more to this seemed and seems pretty crazy. Perhaps the caapi brew I made was just very very strong. Perhaps this was some sort of initiation I had to go through from the vine. I do feel that the positives out way the negatives, but I could go for a little easier ride at least on the stomach flu like areas. I for sure need to try and take a smaller dose of the brew I made. Maybe it was the cielo that was so over powering or maybe the mixture of the yellow and cielo. If they two different caapi's were evenly distributed in the solution then the dose I took should have been about 20g yellow and 20g cielo.
Well I for sure think that my hammering, shredding and brewing of the Cielo was effective
. Will be interested in future experiments to see how I react to the different types of vine since I blew it on this brew. For sure want to check out the White from maya that everyone raves about.