A detailed, short yet complete outline of the entities received while vaporizing spice, noting substance combination where applicable. Please do share an new personal outline for the Nexus. the question "who am I" may begin to be answered by these entries
In the order they appeared:
1) Eyes closed My 2nd time vaporizing DMT ~50mg At night with artificial light: A face seen in profile, black on black, stacking new ones inside/on top - pushing back the older ones which appear larger, newer ones the same size. Intention was exploratory
2) Eyes closed ~5th time ~50mg During the day: I saw the crysanthemum pattern, (short version) flew threw it, was in a desert, then near a bridge made of brick ish cob stones, and on the other side (seen from under the bridge going left/right) were 4 or 5 entities coming my way, there faces and character concealed by the void. As if all you could see was a black pointy nose cone veil of a face. I opened my eyes. Intention was to share DMT with a close friend.
3) Eyes open ~10th time 40-60mg During the day(dont know which day of the week): as the DMT started lifting the veil, it was as if the objects in the room were talking to me, or in a detached sort of way it was like the "thought police" urging that I should not be in this mind state. No intentions, no clear mind per say.
4) Eyes closed same experience I think maybe: sepia effect indicates this yet memory is detached. Thousands of little gnomes walking like Egyptians in order to hold up/stand on others and make shapes, possibly buzzing. They may have been more rainbowy colored than sepia, this was after the infinite space of geometrically aligned rows and columns of shapes made of the same shapes (like infinitely stacked military cemeteries) all with there own spin. This is the only experience ever that is so far out of time apparently that I cannot place it into which time I smoked it, yet assume it must be this one since its the only time that I sort of fell asleep toward the end of the trip. On the other hand I have smoked DMT in dreams, and HAD dreams, so...
5) Eyes open 70mg 3rd or 4th time, during the day after school: Red and blue "chaos netting" was like ambulance lights, I was dead now, and as the see through paramedics came in I knew that now I would accompany my body like this even in my funeral. These entities are on the lines of human projections, for sure anyway. Set and setting were bad, I learned from my mistake. My mom was in the next room and I was in a bad mood from school. Intention was escapist/exploration.
6) About the 15th time with maybe 20 or 30 mg eyes open, at sundown(second half of twilight): A very fast moving old man, who maybe had a female counterpart, couldnt really tell, he was in and out - on gnome time I would say (you can only see knomes on knome time, ya gno?) he slapped me! didnt even feel a feather. Everything was grey including him, indicating only my rods were active (and it was rather dim) the only yellow was under a doorway crack. No intention (maybe thats why I got slapped)
7)~25th time(I have a list somewhere with a closer guess) I was on mushrooms Equador Cubensis, fresh 5g equivalent and inhaled 50mg sized compressed DMT xtals closed my eyes Cross legged on a recliner at night: I became aware of myself as being a beam of light, rotating around the beam and then at 360 merging again and inside were these light beings. They were like various bushes, like in a forest or jungle or something, and they all had there own colors and messages that answered my questions about life that I had not even asked yet. These I believe are the "Yoshis" that are spoken of in the book "shamans through time." Intension was to merge with the clear light as in the 1st bardo of the Tibetan book of the dead.
~60th time, 3-5 grams (probly the latter knowin me then I always tried to stand more) ~50mg size compressed xtals(like usuall those first few years - I used a small kief compressor) eyes possibly closed in silent darkness in my friends room as he was silent in his bed tripping(no DMT) I was on a popason chair crosslegged at night: It was like space mountain at disneyland, yeah - the green arrow points like /\ on both sides of me moving up continuously and me with them, and then at the top (much like going up a roller coaster) it dropped of into a void, and I was in a dome. All was green and black, including the elf looking entities, whom I call elfs since they all look alike... One had a beam of those pointed lasers on a work table. Looking down on him, who is facing me in front of me, on his table the beam moved from my right to left, and in the middle turned bent directly back into a (if strait is 180, 90+45= 135+180=) 315 degree angle downish and back for maybe 1/5th of the length it has gone up to the bend, and then it bent again to go the same way it originally went. I dont know if the laser went back into the table or came out of it and feel that may be arbitrary like taking a movie too seriously. no intention, clear mind
9) 50mg redose, right after coming down from an experience that to me described the nature of the ego, I was on vaporized 2c-t-7, which was hardly working. This was outside in the mountains at night. I was sitting crossed legged. My intention was to merge with the clear light as before, eyes closed, with the same friend as in #7 and one more, I think they went to bed or were quiet since I didnt hear them in the tent next to me: I flew through inner space, not like the outer space of flying through the crysanthemum, arguably or not. I went very fast with my intention forward spinning a tad clockwise and at 360, or seeming like a direct curve to the right a quarter turn is more like it - I broke through into a dome, now yellow and black. Every think like #7 accept the color, and an added perception of the speed of what they were doing and the fact that they seemed to be taking a coffee break to greet me. Same laser with person, yellow and black. This time, where I was a speck floating here, fully perceiving the -more panoramic than humanly possible(as I will describe at the end of#8 just before I open my eyes) elf workshop, I sensed that I, had a place in all of this, and in effect gave into wonder. Doing this limited my perspective somewhat as I will now describe. Where I was just a speck, it flipped, and now I was seeing what it would look like if I had a body and was viewing this from closed eyes. Try it, close your eyes and look at the boundaries of the closed eye, you can only move your eye so far and see only what little space is behind your eyelids. I went from speck to this closed eye perspective, watching the speck in the center of the dome grow, spinning clockwise (deosil), getting bigger as the dome world gets smaller, in just a moment the black and yellow egg stops spinning and is fully covering the dome world that was behind it. Ever seen the BMW logo? like that but egg shaped and yellow and black. I then opened my eyes.
10) Now I remember, sheets of light that my friend also described as being like entities that are like Celtic knot "card" people, and in that same experience during the day with eyes closed, it was like a lesser, more peacefull and integrated version of the thought police, that had the message that I shouldnt be here (I beleve using the word "shouldnt" is only a sign of conditioning, and is not as natural) and yet this goddess liked that I was here and entered me into her mystery. This goddess was felt more that seen. The card people generally were standing one in front of the other, one in from a bit to the left, symmetrically overlaid, and shifting it's knots in order to communicate that it could do so, and was one with the card persona behind it. This was easy to forget just like the last experience with the "thought police," which I say only because a friend told me he experienced thought police and like it was as if he was not supposed to be there, and when he described his experience, as often is the case, it reminded me of when I felt that way, and I remembered #3 :This was about the 50th time inhaling dmt vapor.
11) After 50mg fresh dose loaded into a used pipe that had more, under the eclipse under a tree crosslegged on my skateboard, feeling akasha I was one with my intuition, telling me to go home. I got there and notice more DMT was still in the pipe. I said to myself "slipping into synchronicity" and that was my intention with a silent, one pointed open mind. This was the night of the Harmonic Concordance, look it up. Eyes completely open, unlike any other entity experience accept maybe the unseen thought police, which was maybe just me (more so ish). In my bathroom, with excellent posture (I had been doing yoga and meditating on the void) I inhaled the dose. I almost tricked myself into thinking "this is when something should be happening and nothing is happening" when I tilted about a millimeter to the side and and the SPACE where the tiny bit of eclipsed moonlight under the door crack just was, and now is from moving a millimeter, refracted into a netting of purple white, that eccoed into the form of a person. He was an old man with long hair and a beard, and he was kneeling with his right knee up, in his hands where his left knee would be, was a window he was holding with his left hand on my right side of the window he was holding, and his right on the top of this window. All made of violet/white strings that can take on the form of any color, seemed mostly blueish violet. I looked into his eyes(this is the second time I saw him, last time was only his head with 70mg on my couch crosslegged eyes open as well) and on the window a densely colored dream appeared. It seems like this is the messenger who uses dreams as a medium. I telepathically understood from seeing this dream window, that what he meant to say way "you are on the right path" not as opposed to left, only I put words to my understanding, there were no words. I looked into his face again (you couldnt see his eyes, they were "of the cosmos," too complex and as deep as the universe is vast) and another dream developed, as if this connection was fuel for a message to occur. This time I noticed, as I looked deeper into the window to see what I needed to see... It was the most dense Yoshis I had ever seen, I wouldnt have thought that then, I immersed myself in it and almost lost awareness of this entity when I finally got it. I got up and went into my room and wrote "god talks to us with dreams" as if I would forget. I was a zen atheist at the time, slightly nihilist, and when I saw the godhead I knew I had to rethink my beliefs. This was huge. After I wrote that my dog barked and I instantly remembered what I just saw in His window, I said to myself out loud "My mom is going to be home and she's going to want to go to the same party as I am?" with a hint of sarcasm even. I open the door, and I am still seeing deep colors from the dmt as my mom and her friend, who I'd never met, are coming to the door. I introduced myself - "Hi, I'm {my name}"
"Hi, I'm Emmy"
"So what are you guys doing tonight" the first thing on my mind, I thought I knew
"Oh, we were thinking about going to this thing."
"If it's on Pearl Street don't go"
"Oh you know about it?"
Yes, I knew about it, I said with my eyes
"I could see how that would be weird," She said, and I walked off as if I was a teenager who had been mildly annoyed. Then my mom grabbed something from her room and they left. I have since seen his head 2 more times, once smoking DMT with my girlfriend (different girl from #10) and chanting Adonai under a Madrona tree, another time in a dream with no enzymes or drugs, his head went into a window, and it was as if a constellation had just entered into its house (those are the words to that which I understood). This night, among other things, was the first night that I heard Autechre, and I later became a DJ. None of that would have happened if I had not followed my intuition under that tree, telling my self "if I do not get up right now things will not be the same" - carpedium type stuff.
12) Under the madrona tree in the same vision I saw natives, 2 of them, take the back off of the tree and use it as a scroll, then rolled it up and put it back into the tree. I'll count this one: eyes closed, chanting adonai. There ae 3 types of chanting, out loud, in my head, and the sience proceeding, this was in between the last 2 types.
13) This one 70mg, Since I had not had a vision for so long, even when using DMT, I wondered if it was still possible after gazing into the sun on LSd for 2.5 hours. Nobody was home (thats me) and during the day, I sat in good posture and breathed deeply for 5 minutes like I do when I have my best experiences, and cleared my mind (magicians call this banishing, and have a more scientific way in a circles, I didnt know magic until later an have not practiced in this way yet to this day, for I must create the space). I smoked it and the intention was to focus on one point, my sun spot, the only tattoo that I have, on my retina. I focused on it an it only at all costs, no matter how strong the DMT came on, and this was the most pure, tasteless dose I'd ever taken - 1 month of re-xtalizing. Nothing was left in the pipe. Eyes open: The intensity of the manifesting waves of latices of colored light geometries were building and compiling behind this one point of focus, and it all formed a cone to which the tip was facing me as the focal point. Then this was such a tremendous cone (the will of god might I add) that it had an incredible force, and I stayed focused as if my life all let up to this one point of consciousness, and it began, this cone, to push me back inside of myself, and back as if I had tilted my head back, but my posture had remained strait and inward as in the Jaladhara Bandha, though I didnt know what that was at the time and did not emphasize the real thing. As I wa pushed inside and tilted to look up, in that very transition I noticed horizontal layers of blue and white latices which had entities in them, it just was not my focus, my focus was tilting and now became buoyant - as I felt floating up- toward the back iof my head (qoph) I noticed a cube, 3 sides I can see only of it, Red, turquois and white, now with the tip of this cube replacing the focal point. That was what I needed and I opened my eyes, I guess I forgot that I even closed them until now. Later I read the flower of life books and turns out - the merkaba of the male human is the exact orientation of this cube which I saw above me for a male! Talk about synchronicity...
14 (out of order) With LSD, a small amount of dmt, almost forgot I had taken the dmt - 5 minutes seemed to have gone by with nothing happenning until I had maybe 10 seconds of silence, ~30mg cross legged with 2 to 4 friends, maybe a touch of alcohol. No intention or clear mind per say: I noticed with eyes open, a swirl in the room widdershins, then I closed my eyes (that same thing happened in #3 and I dont know which direction the spin was that continued into my eyes being closed) and the energy that made one 360 swirl, I closed my eyes when it did, was a king and a few (3-5 or more) men behind him. He was very Celtic, green knots made up him and his dreads, he was definitely a crowned king. And I knew I should communicate since his majesty is here. To me this was permission to do the work with angels now that I think about it. I opened my eyes since people were talking. Maybe I'll get into Enochian now that I realize I actually have permission to do such work. After my relationship ended so to speak with this girl, I started learning magic.
age 16 to 23.
15)Age 24, with what must have been a small amount of 5-meo-DMT on mint, Full moon night in a dark room. I began to feel that any discomfort was an intonation, and or a posture, and these postures and thoughts we a separate persona within me. I began looking for their eyes, to put form to them (2 circles), and I could see the "dense sound" that presses darkness into the experience, it was these persona. Each of them had a different "facial" expression, though there were no faces, I could make out the character and note if it was happy, sad, irritated, felt accepted, mad for not being accepted. Immediatly these entities became my allies instead of "hinderers" as some shadow qliphoth are called in kabalistic texts. I literally felt like I was healing, and began to wonder if I was only imagining an illumination in my hands and body. I began to scan my body with my hands about 2 or 3 inches away. Nothing really came of this, but then not much does when just starting meditation. I began to wonder if I needed acupuncture in order to balance my field (which I could feel and barely see, however fleeting). Times when I feel my chi most are during bikram yoga.