Hello, first post first topic first lots of things,
I've been testing the waters with psychedelics for a couple years now, my trips sprinkled sparsely few between yet
I found myself deeply moved by my experiences, maybe more so than my mates or most people I've talked to
I've done DMT once, mushrooms 4-5 times and acid three times, my last experience maybe a little too heavy for my tastes
Started out a wonderful eerie cold November day, gray skies and sulky yellowing clouds
with a friend of mine tripping for his first time while I was on three tabs
walking around wrapped up in sweaters on the school campus where I lived, near the river, was beautiful
Shuffling through piles of dead leaves is the most comforting feeling, like a blanket for the long winter ahead
Walked back to my place while peaking, I was in bed listening to music and I got lost in my own head
seeing something that tipped me over a dreamy ledge
I lost my balance went a little psychotic for several hours (whatever that means)

first everything stopped making sense
the words that were coming out of our mouths started blah blah blahing and I couldn't stop laughing
then all matter of air and space and light started turning into little cascading spirals of color, like those little styrofoam s's
infinitely individual s's just streaming into grooves and pulsations and I became intimately aware of my connection with the whole room
became that soft breathing machine and I was just floating in this huge white duvet breathing with the whole room
the mural on my wall alive and screaming my name in living colors, kaywhyellay you are everything
My friend was on the phone talking to his friend who is very experienced with mushrooms laughing
and a series of visions haunted my head
about the nature of my life, my family abstractedly represented to me as my friends
etc
and I saw my friend in the room with me, morphing into me a male version of me beautifully carved and
like a puppet my mind used him to talk to me
gone and not caring about tying myself down I began to come down into this dreamy surreality, the bindings of my mind tapering down ideas that were not necessarily designed to support a reality acceptable to society (??)
Anyways I pissed myself
and he not nearly tripping as much as me
trying to ground himself wondering what is she up to
I pull him into another room, strip him down and begin to you know (what is the policy on this site anyway pg 13)
Just down to my basic circuits, satisfying every whim with no concept of society rules consequences
He says stop and I laugh off and tell him to eff off
Pretty naked at this point,
Run into my roomies bedroom, curled up in a ball in his bed, until he gets home
My friend tripping balls tells him some kind of story, my roomie isn't very impressed, but I was too preoccupied with what the colors were telling me
and this dreamtime misalinged surreality to care
I run back into my bedroom
projectile vomiting
wrapped up in my pisssoaked duvet and sheets
Until I come to my senses and realize that
Something wasn't right
and pop snapped back into place and it felt like a dream?
What to think what to feel what meaning to glean from this shpiel?

Originally for months after I convinced myself that I was crazy but
I had learned a lot that I couldn't express or explain
that I remember so clearly and other things not so clearly, like
where was I when I was not 'sane'

I was reminded of this tentative touching with another sphere of realization the first time I smoked DMT, a couple months ago, which I may describe in another post, not that it was nearly as scary, my thoughts were just similar in scope
But I just wanted to get some of this down once and for all
Maybe to ask if there is anything you can tell me about what happened, where I was going, what I was living in those fleeting hours of dreamy surreality

eternally
Kaywhyellay(essaich)

Hi kaywhyellay, thank you for sharing!

Psychedelics can definitely open up vulnerable places, primal and non-verbal places people are definitely not used to visiting... Hopefully you were able to find some meaning and lessons of value, even if it just comes from experiencing yourself in such a different way.

We're also all here to discuss the intense experiences whenever you need to! You are not alone!

Welcome to the Nexus, kaywhyellay!

Sounds like an intense experience, beautiful and troubling all bound up together. Glad you've made it here, look forward to sharing more.

The last time I interacted with someone who was on acid, was my newly acquainted friend, uh, Arr.
Arr had been doing acid for a couple months prior to new years 2010, he was newly introduced to the subject, which was more about the thrill rather than, say, spiritual enlightenment
He likes to test his limits!! to say the least and on new years he did seven unholy tabs, after which he promptly got stuck in a little loop about the nature of the color blue

All fine and dandy after a couple days, he could relate to my previous breakdown/through experience in November
said that it was like dying and being reborn

He promised he wouldn't touch the stuff for at least a good 6 months
and about the end of April he responds to a party invitation at my place with
"I'M DOING ACID THAT DAY DON'T TELL ANYBODY"
naturally I am a bit worried, I offer Arr my babysitting services while he digs to the bottom of that sandbox

That weekend he comes over, we discuss the nature of things, his reasoning was that he wanted acid to give him some answers about his direction/duty/life, I told him 'the acid will just use you to make a point!!', my warnings unheeded he immediately ingests three tabs
I suggest a roundabout at the tree reservation near my humble abode, obliges, we get there near closing but enjoy the build up nonetheless, it is extremely serene and peaceful, green rolling fields floating on forever

I'm tripping balls on weed and am extremely sensitive to his trip
I start reconstructing my own acid trip that includes mild visuals, fractal thought patterns, oneness
On the way back to my place he gets some bad ideas, I cannot say that it wasn't due to my presence
Like I said I am really sensitive, and began to be able to feel and read his mind
He would just look at me and I would OH YEAH EXACTLY and start talking about what he was thinking, was really intimate and weird and maybe he couldn't handle it?
He starts flipping out and, I interpret this to be an attempt at self-preservation (of the ego, didn't want to accept this as permissible)
he wanted to kill me? (I'm a little scared at this point)

I warned him that whatever he was thinking was a bad idea. Now that his plans to kill me were thwarted by my acknowledgment of their existence through my telekinetic abilities (thereby nullifying their existence, to be consistent within his own lopsided reality), he planned on just doing away with himself instead!! OBVIOUSLY THE BEST SOLUTION
Arr pisses himself two blocks away from my apartment, I guess it is a comforting thing to do? (NOTHING MATTERS NOTHING MATTERS), gets undressed, tries running into moving traffic
takes me two hours to lure him back to my place to give him a hot bath and some tea and some soup and a whole lot of hugging

I don't know what I was doing!! I was just talking to him and maybe not being the best babysitter, which would have been what constantly reminding him hey you are tripping balls?? He said during the first couple of hours he was nervous and had heart palpitations, which were his own feelings bubbling up about doing lsd, but there was nothing we could do by then, I tried to make it as comfortable as possible at first, and then I just let it run its course

I think that there was a lesson in it for both of us
Mine was: don't give advice on a subject that you don't understand yourself
His was: get off the acid, you won't find anything more there than a basket full of broken eggs

Let me tell you about me, the good and the bad kind of just roll together
I feel like whatever I do is Shiva's third eye turned outward, blinding and destructive
Always with the best intentions, no matter what it is always carnal, intense, truthful and beautiful

I've done acid around 20 times, and i had a NIGHTMARE trip once and it took me a few months to get back on that horse again. I also had a flashback to this terrible experience, (triggered by nitrous, BE CAREFUL WITH THE GAS) let me just say that i couldn't even recognize my best friends and thought they were waiting for me to die or i would destroy everyone's reality, truly terrifying stuff. People need to understand that psychedelics are NOT drugs, they are keys to the lock of a door in your brain, and sometimes you open a door that is impossible to shut. I'm still uncomfortable sharing all the details of my absolute terror trip on the nexus, but if you feel like it would help you pm me and i would be glad to talk to you about bad trips and what i did to reacquaint myself with ms lucy and hopefully help you be comfortable around her again too.

I got caught in the loop on acid once. luckily it was a euphoric situation, in which my jar of chronic refilled. I think I can understand your friend's motivation for taking acid in that manner. It is amazing, awe inspiring and incredibly stimulating and you really want to do it often at first. But a 'proper' approach helps keep sanity intact, or in a best case scenario, improved mental wellbeing. I've had mixed results. I've found, and read that abstinence for a time and integration of any lessons you garner is pretty crucial.

The other thing I've found helpful is to not try to hold onto any belief or assumption. Meta beliefs are highly useful. I find it very satisfying to take time each day to think about metaphysics and things like the non existence of evil, or the content of a trip/dream/daily experience. However it is essential that you not rely on any concept, object or sensation. He who builds his house on a rock will be confoundd when it is cracked, worn away and torn asunder by gravity of time. I regard all sense phenomena and stimuli as essentially a trip with varying levels of reality. This is a serotonin trip with some cannabis thrown in the mix.)

@camdemonium: I've tried nitrous once, at space gathering (hippie fest), and basically I was no longer in my body, the only thing I was experiencing were the colors red and blue spinning around battling for eternity, representing the two most annoying things that I could possibly imagine. I accepted that I was insane and experiencing hell, they stopped spinning and brought me to this blazing white holographic interface where I could interact with anyone RPG style, the tent I was in became an octahedron made of light repeating like a fractal mirror outwardly
it was a little scary!! but interesting


@Ur: I'm slowly reconciling myself with all of my trips, I was only recently introduced to psychedelics and for a while doubted everything I had experienced, thinking I was crazy. It feels really good to be able to express myself with some objectivity, even if that reduces the potency of the knowledge I've acquired. It's really all about integration~
I understand the concept of dis-attachment to solid ideas and concepts because they are temporally bound, the way physics is crumbling because they still hold on to Newtonian ideas about the fundamentals of reality, we need to be a little more flexible and fluid about the 'truths' we come across, especially about how we think of our own ego and opinions!

I'm really excited about doing DMT again, I've just been researching it for months, mentally preparing myself, and recently I've been given so many winks and nudges, time seems to be ripe c:

Although first I would have to build myself one though
a DMT
how does that happen? I've been looking over extraction teks but I don't even know where to start

I love nitrous dude, but ever since it triggered that flashback i don't do it when i'm on psychedelics.

If you're looking for a good tek i recommend q21's tek 2 using naptha. It is the simplest to do for beginners to me.

Also I think it is time for my FIRST DMT EXPERIENCE!!!!!!!!

So it was a gray early morning, and I was chilling on my bed with two friends of mine, one who is very experienced with psychedelics but not so experienced with integration, we had just gotten back from a peaceful gathering of ravers at a bonfire, was feeling super elated and serene.
He told me to meditate on this painting I did of the metatron's cube while he prepared the spice to be smoked. He lovingly lit the spice, slowly, handed to me this beautiful glass orange and yellow swirling pipe, and I inhaled for a very long time, instantly being sped up and launched, all the colors moving quickly past me and into me, right into hyperspace!
I wasn't fully immersed because I did not take a second hit nor was able to finish the first one really
Lasted about ten minutes, my bedroom had this mural painted on it in red green and blue, all of my own faces which were now swirling into eachother forming beautiful shapes and ideas, they were swirling in eternal cyclic time, my hands were moving into each other and all spirit was superimposed
I saw the chrysanthemum pattern slyly and slightly twirling around the circles of my metatron's cube, it wasn't beckoning me for a dip but was saying 'see here this is something, reflect on me, do not be scared'
but I was not really enjoying myself, it was beautiful but intensely painful and was thinking in my head 'oh god no not again', which really just made things a little harder to bear, as I was plundered deeper and deeper into higher (more expansive, large scale) levels of cyclic time, on the lower end, more purple blue hues and grey green yellow, the kind of which are dissonant and troubling but necessary to push things forward
I don't remember my reasoning but I began to pluck out all of the colors from my vision, I wanted it to be blank and white, and soon the only color left was a deep burgundy-violet, which would not leave me
I came off my trip, happy but incredibly sad, like a long drop of water, cold and refreshed, I was crying a bit
I turned to my friends and said "I already know all of this, I've experienced this before, distinctly once when I was completely sober, the only thing I have left is purple"
To this day I am not sure about the purple, my intuition is telling me that I just need to strengthen my connection with the divine and with my own soul, to learn to trust my judgments and the universe
The time I had had a DMT moment sober was in this hole in the wall music store on Sherbrooke near the dt Mcgill campus, the walls were covered in purple and magenta polkadots, the windows letting in blue light, was playful and trippy and magickal and I just had this wonderful moment where I slipped out of everything and into nothing. I hadn't even done any psychedelics yet, that only started a couple months later. It was like a little taste of the beginning of my journey.
However, since then I cannot find that store!!