Hi all,

I've just come back from a great weekend at a hippie, new agey, outdoors rave-type event. None of those things are really my cup of tea, but I had friends there running a cool food stand, and I knew it would be a great place to launch off a few times and maybe chat with some interesting veterans.

I got a ride there from a friend of a friend who actually annoys me. I can sometimes be irritable, it's mostly my problem, and she brings me right to that zone. The festival is called "Open Mind", and that is not how I arrived there. It was dark, I felt out of place, I went to bed. When I woke up I was still too busy analyzing the situation and my own place in it to really take part and return the smiles that were plentiful in the thin but active crowd.

Trip 1 (don't remember how many tokes, probably 2, freebase pipe)

After a good meal I decided to go blast off in my tent. I had some anxiety because my last trip had featured a bit of hostility which I had a couple of theories for.

That was discussed here : https://www.dmt-nexus.me...aspx?g=posts&t=14385

It turned out that the ride was smooth, I was relieved. The jimjam was morphing away, it had a lot to show me and I flowed along. I feel that I succeeded in living the intensity of the experience without being overwhelmed. I don't remember much unfortunately but I did plant one metaphysical flag. That's what I call it when I see something in another realm that seems really important, and I decide to make a conscious effort to remember that thing in particular, even if it means loosing some of my meditative focus.

The thing I planted a flag for went as follows. I was flowing through the ever-morphing blob tunnel and was drawn to an alcove on my left, where a statue materialized. It was Rodin's The Thinker, pretty clearly. Then The Thinker started to melt and change position, looking less and less like it was thinking, and more and more like it was depressed. A mix of both, grabbing its head, folding forward, trying too hard to think. I felt a lot of compassion for this being or representation, and as my compassion grew, the statue continued melting and was soon absorbed and pulverized into the rest of the jimjam. At the same time, I realized it was me! I was being shown what I was like. Wow. I planted my flag and continued flowing, feeling like I had seen something important.

I stepped out of my tent feeling happy and refreshed, finally, but a bit preoccupied with this image of myself I had seen. Was it telling me that I am a depressive person? I would hate to think so. I am, as I said, sometimes irritable, alone, "in my head". As I walked around finally smiling, I realized that the statue simply represented the way I felt in the context of the festival. I was depressed and thinking too much upon my arrival, and that problem had melted away the moment I had projected compassion at it. My happiness grew. I told my friends about the experience, and began having a good time, dancing a bit, chatting, checking out the strange new agey stands, running into people I knew.

Trip 2 (don't remember how many tokes, probably 2, freebase pipe)

That same day, I went back to my tent to trip again, this time confident about the liberating experience I had just went through. Again, I don't remember much, but again, I did plant flags. Two.

The jimjam was morphing away as it always does, showing me things I usually don't understand. It knew I was there, it was doing its thing, showing off a bit, dancing with my mind, playing light and intricate tricks. I suddenly felt like speaking, something I had been meaning to do but had forgotten about. So I said "Hi, Bonjour.", which is pretty funny in retrospect because that's how we sometimes greet in Montreal when we don't know if the other person is anglo or francophone. As if it applied to sentient goo. As soon as I spoke, I saw and felt the whole realm turn towards me as if to say in a seductive manner "Oh you want to interact further? Let's go.", and saw and felt it become suddenly softer and come towards me. It touched my lips and entered my mouth in some kind of metaphysical passionnate kiss. Absolutely amazing.

Then I heard some children screaming in reality. It was disturbing. My tent was right across from the children area. I tried to focus, went back into the flow, it was still there. They kept playing and screaming. The jimjam seemed disturbed too. It told me we could go no further in the exploration if the screaming continued. So I obeyed, and after the trip, I moved my tent to a remote spot in preparation for the next trips.

The sun went down and that night was great, I felt light. I tripped on some k and nitrous a bit, and I was brought further than ever with those substances despite taking less than usual. Still, those old tricks paled in comparison to my new DMT path. They felt fun, more fun than ever. But fun is not the point. Fun is a sign that I've gotten what I needed and that it's time to move on.

Trip 3 (one looong toke, freebase pipe)

I waited until the next evening before I tripped again. I was in no hurry. Meanwhile I had met some fellow spice explorers at a projection of Ayahuasca documentaries and Terence Mckenna videos. I had interesting chats, but I still insisted on tripping alone. It feels right.

I went to my tent and launched off. The trip began as normal, but at some point, I lost focus. This had happened before. It's like in the middle of my trip, at a point where I start forgetting what a human is, I start being worried, and I don't know why. I crawl my way back to reality and find reasons to be worried. Did I light the tent on fire? Am I burning right now? Is this body which I am barley aware of in serious danger over in the real world? Finally I eased my fears by touching my arms, and tried to go back. Somehow the blobs seemed further away now, though I think I was only halfway into the trip. I attribute this loss of intensity to having lost abandonment and meditative focus. Still, I watched carefully. I was being shown imagery representing nurseries and cribs and baby toys. I found this interesting, as my jimjam hallucinations are usually not that relentlessly concrete, only here and there, but this time, it was a continuous flow of cartoon-like 'baby stuff'. I thought the realm might have been laughing at me for slipping out, trying to use human imagery to tell me I was a novice. True, I am.

Trip 4 (one looong toke, freebase pipe)

Despite the slip in the previous trip, I decided to go back very soon after. This time I tried to express a conscious intention at the beginning of the trip, which was basically "Can we share and help each other? Can I help the jimjam in any way?". And I was brought back to the nursery stuff, pretty much picking up where I had left off. It continued for a while, and I started realizing that the realm was not laughing at me, but trying to get me to pay attention, telling me that from right here and now I could grow, like a baby does, but that I need to look at the pretty toys and let myself be amused without judgement. So I gave in, and became kind of baby-like, I think I even laughed out loud once at a toy it was showing me. As I accepted and entered this baby role, the blob changed to the more usual stuff. But I was beginning to notice something as I "grew" : I was part of the blob! If I am part of it, can I also control it and morph it like it does? Yes! Ok, ok, so what shall I morph us into? Not elves, they're tricky, they scare me a bit, and I don't want to scare the blob in return. I was feeling a compassion similar to when I had seen the sculpture in the first trip. What would the realm like to see? What does it need? As I pondered the question, I stared at the jimjam, it had stopped moving for a bit. That felt pretty special. I realized it was now in my position, waiting to see where I was going to take it. We were each other. Suddenly, the "oneness" dawned on me and I was launched into some other dimension. It was sublime. This was as much another 'thing' as jimjam is to reality. Everything was black, there were some light clouds floating around, time had stopped, stopped existing, and I had become part of this infinite plane. I could not believe it. I thought I had ascended forever, or rather, timelessly, and would "never" come back. As I thought of this, I felt like I actually had a choice. I could have stayed there forever perhaps. I pondered the question, and my pondering pointed at hesitation, it was in itself a break in the oneness, and thus began a slow descent back into my body, like a feather falling on a windless day. I was left lying alone in my tent, half crying, half laughing, completely thankful for this beautiful experience.

It was awesome. What a great weekend. I am in no rush to go back, however, I want to integrate. I want this adventure to feed my life, not to feed on it. As an often sarcastic and cynical ( though very nice ) person, I am surprised to find myself genuinely thankful for the world. I need to work on my relationships with others somehow. In these trips, it has always been compassion and altruism that has taken me to blissful states, and I need to integrate those values as naturally and as firmly as possible into my real life. I need to learn to love others more, protect myself less, feel for others. That's what I feel I've been taught here. It would be selfish to go back for more before first working on myself for the benefit of others.

Thanks for reading,

namaste

It sounds like you’ve had some really rewarding experiences!

There’s one thing that annoys me (maybe it’s just me?) – your frequent use of the word “jimjam”. You used it 17 times in one post. I know how hard it can be to put an experience into words (that’s why I don’t even try most of the time), but c’mon – 17 jimjams in one post? Sheesh!

Yeah, I thought that too actually. Ok, I'm editing to change some of them to 'blob' or 'goo' or something.

Once a Buddhist teacher told me this: "You cannot get out by taking. Only by giving." This shift of attitude - looking for ways to give instead of opportunities to take - is something very precious, I think. It's the most liberating thing I know of, to do something which makes someone else truly happy. And who knows, maybe jimjam will also give you something back in return. And this is the best way to get - because in this way what you get carries no weight, it doesn't put an additional burden on you. (Everything we get through ego aggression becomes sour. Gifts of grace do not.)



Beautiful.

You and i are cut from the same cloth, from the same flesh it seems...

Immaculate report-some profound revelations there.

I particularly like your defining of fun as a sign that something has been understood and it's time to move on.

And the baby/nursery stuff - WOW! I am very aligned with these thoughts at the moment - i shall be mapping this territory in detail in the upcoming conclusion segment of MYCOMYSTERIUM.

You mention the notion of the profound sense that you will not return from the voyage... This is EXACTLY what prevents me from letting go, and EXACTLY what lets the terror raze my mind. I cannot let go and accept that i shall not return, as much as i am aware that it is necessary to progress - all such concepts are irrelevant when the maelstrom assaults the ego.

Thanks for a thought provoking read,

Cheers,

JBArk

That does seem to be The Fear. The fear of never coming back. How does one overcome that?

I really have only two fears when I approach a DMT experience: the fear that I’ll never come back, and the fear that I’ll come back unable to function normally (become psychotic or something).


There is a part of me – an irrational part, no doubt – that truly believes it is possible to leave and never come back. Not death exactly, but a dissolution of this reality.

Maybe this needs a new thread.

Nice post.
Thanx for sharing

Wow, Shayku! Sounds like you had a really special weekend. You seem to have received some really valuable lessons.

Beautiful experience report. Sounds like you had a great time. Well done and thanks for sharing!

I know exactly what you are talking about. Amazing, isn't it?