mine is a tale of love and loss in a way. ive worked with dmt many times over the past few years.
it remains the most dramatic singular form of influence in my adult life.
dmt is largely responsible for much of my understanding of the universal laws or at very least giving
me validation to ideas and thoughts ive always had. i am so appreciative of the spice's existence.


this past winter i had back to back very intense bad horrendous journeys.
it was very clear i had gotten what i was suppose to get out of dmt and my
access had been revoked. i wont re-hash the details of the experience,
im sure its still on the older threads if anyone is curious,
but i will say i can see how someone can end up with p.t.s.d. from
a bad trip.


you know if it was just about these 2 incidents i would maybe try again, but to be honest things had been going south for a little while and i wish i had the insight then to just give it a break for a bit but i didn't.

i was stuck in loops almost every session. there wasn't any type of
organic movement or flow to any of them for a while. the beings and
creatures would come but they would always do a series of movements over and
over repeating. they were quite funny actually but the days of the visionary journey
were gone and dmt had become kind of this "good time" trippy thing to do. BIG MISTAKE!


i didnt like that, i missed the information exchanges.


in my infinite wisdom my solution was to force my way back to the hyperspace i longed for by increasing dosage. really, really, really bad idea. if the door is shut you can not kick it open all you can do is knock and wait humbly.



i now feel that maybe we get what we need from the spice and when
you've reached that zenith it just kind of stops working.
i read about that happening occasionally on here that other people
have said dmt just doesn't do much to them any longer.
unless there is some way to become long term immune from moderate
to heavy usage it makes the most sense to me.



bottom line is i really miss my friend dmt. shoot... i still do extractions just to have some connection.
i am currently cautiously getting familiar with pharmauasca and caapi tea but taking it slow until i feel ready to take ceremonial amounts and possibly meet some old friends for the next stage of my development.


i feel good, i feel i learned a lot about just what im trying to do here.
that lesson is pretty priceless..... so even upon dmt's difficult exit from me there was still learning.
i dont think i put 2 and 2 together like that till just now.



powerful, powerful changes can occur with the proper use of dmt.

my dear friend, i miss you

Patience is key my friend.
I've had to leave psychedelics for years to get ready again.

Why don't you give it a rest for several months or a year and then start with low doses 20-25mg and feel how that goes into you.
Low doses always tell me if I'm good for a breakthrough dose or not.
These days I'm only doing 20mg. and that's just telling me I need some work before I can journey again. My body is in really bad shape
so I'm taking care of my diet now and doing physical exercises. Actually right now I'm going out jogging. It's goooood to sweat like a pig 2-4 times a week

Well good luck. Hope you find your way.

Maybe you can solve it and rub healing balm on the wound, as it were, and begin to lead a more spiritual life with DMT as the centrepeice instead of seeing it as a trippy toy, some fun in a pipe type of thing. Myself, I have experienced this wave, this faltering left then right too little then too much, with DMT. I'm not saying move into the woods, build a sustainable eco-hut and fill your house with nothing but white candles... all im saying is try lead a more spiritual life and respect the DMT. It's not addictive, you can leave it behind whenever you want... but perhaps there is more you can learn? I don't like the idea of anyone going away without a beautiful goodbye.

yes i agree. actually its been more than 6 months since this all happened. i like that im getting feed back about not throwing in the vapo towel forever. i will think long and hard and feel whats right for me. if theres anyway to get back to that special place its worth a try. i cant see it being any time soon. i KNOW im not ready at this present time and space, but who knows maybe this winter i will feel differently.

in the mean time its not like im lost without a raft. ive started learning and trying cacti and sacred vines extractions/brews and of coarse my dear dear friend psilocybin is never far away.

i appreciate your thoughts.

well said amigo and thank you. please dont assume i dont lead a spirtual life. it actually is the center point of my life. i hope i didnt give the impression im smoking dmt at summer roch festivals while drinking bud light 95% of my journey's were done alone in silent darkness.
you were on target about getting complacent on respecting the spice though and for this
i am truly sorry.

for me i dont think of entheogens as the center piece of my spiritual development, my spirituality is like the hard drive on this computer and dmt more like the operating system im using to achieve understanding available with or without these plants and compounds. same way one guys uses mac and another uses windows on his p.c. but their both accessing the same world wide web.

i love your idea of a beautiful good bye. id like that too very much.

thanks

I am at a point in my life right now, where, after some heavy work with changa, I feel the need to take it easy and have lots of vine-only Aya sessions to ground myself. The vine keeps me rooted in the spiritual world, but is a much more gentle way to continue work between hyperspatial cannon launches.

you know ms minx, i kind of went about this whole thing with my best brudda idtravler but we didnt know shit! we learned by trial and error. mostly errors in the early days but we pressed on. i know i made a lot of bad choices, but i cant speak for himm.
i will say it was a fucking awesome journey and i dont regret one mad mistake in a way. well maybe one.

my point to this ramble is that i was smoking dmt atb least 3 nights a week and multiple times each night. after
lurking here for a few weeks i realize that not a good thing to do.

im actually more surprised i didnt have more bad trips than i had. the spice definitely gave me fair warning....
there were many signs now that i think about it. im picturing it from dmts perspective. NO WONDER the second bad trip was so much worse!
it all makes sense now.

Hi ...I am not experienced with spice at all so excuse me if what I say isnot quite relevant..[but I think it is - thats why I am replying]

I have had similar experriences with my old friends psylocibe mushrooms and san pedro cactus..only recently after around two years of abstinance from all psychoactives and allopathic medicines am I again confident enough to approach the plant deitys again..

Largely I think I was using them in the wrong way and for the wrong reasons and in way way the wrong amounts [for me at least] - which led to them rejecting me.

After a physical trauma [that was hugely distressing on an emotional level and on a financial level because of the pain] I had to grow as a person. I realized there were inner strengths within me that I could harness and this helped me a great deal. Growing spiritually and within my character was not painless but interestingly when I [on the spur of the moment ingested] a minimal amount of san pedro I had one of my best experiences.

I think there are times when one needs to grow and until you actually man up and take on that difficult task your friendly headspaces inhabited by helpful deities make life difficult for you...they need you to listen to the message- if you dont they punish you.

thank you curious1, very good thoughts to ponder tonight. i did an extraction last week and tonight loaded 15mg in a water bong. ill be dead honest, even at that low dose and using a crappy method i was still pretty apprehensive. i know pipes and flames arent a good method but i just couldn't bring myself to pull out the vaporizer. i can still remember my lips and mouth going numb and coming to with my face almost on the white hot glow plug from that fateful journey now over 6 months ago.
im not sure if i will ever feel confident to try a breakthrough dose again but tonight was a really big step for me. as soon as i tasted the wonderful dmt vapor i felt comforted. this showed me that all isn't lost. there is still love there.

i still think im going to focus more on ayauasca but i really just need to face some fears with dmt first. its not the spice itself im worried about as much as the blast off gamble of either being thrust into hyperspace or pure hell!

i hate feeling like this. i hate having any fears or distrust of the spice. i spoke with my mind to the spice and just simply said "we have to learn how to trust one another again. i am sorry for my mistakes, i have learned a great deal from them. please dont burn me"

it felt nice, like an ex-girl friend you never quite got over.