Shocking and unexpected news for the peanut gallery of geniuses here at Nexus...
I am sharing a writeup I made for another forum (it's almost 6am and I should go to bed, my apologies for the unoriginality).
I am trying to discern: WTF happened to me?! No... seriously... WTF... there is a lack of coherent information on the internet to explain the intensity of the phenomenon (I think good old Albino-Waite would give me better insight ATM)... and this is FASCINATING!!
My only concern, at this point, is my physical safety. I'm pretty sure it's solid, but I'd like to pass on the 2010 Darwin award, so any feedback would be cherished.
*** AYAHUASCA AND MELATONIN ***
Is there any real danger of a hypotensive crisis? I've worked with Mama numbering in the hundreds of times, meet with her weekly, and have gone on and off with periods of daily microdosing. I've been microdosing everyday since the solstice, presently.
Intrigued by the positive claims surrounding melatonin, I acquired a natural, organic, food-based supplement (wheatgrass, barley grass, red clover, and nothing else). It is literally GRASS CLIPPINGS IN A GEL CAP, and the total amount of melatonin per capsule is 0.3 *MICROGRAMS.* Nearly almost nothing, compared synthetic supplements. I like whole foods, whole plants... eating grass and hamming giant slices of vine...
Enter health/diet: I've been experimenting for several months with a basically fruitarian diet (90%+ fruit, a bit of sprouts/greens/seaweeds/algae/nuts/seeds), for purposes of optimum neurological function (vitamin C and flavonoids), sensitization to entheogens, and overall mental/physical health. (The three feel like they belong together...) Long story short, results are profound (pink tongue, moles falling off, building muscle, better sleep, better mood), AND, my experiences with yoga and entheogens are likewise unparalleled. It's been deep.
So, I microdosed ~5g of Caapi in the AM, and cracked open a gelcap into some water just before going to sleep late that night. My only concern was that I would feel drowsy the next day. Melatonin is reportedly safer than Ayahuasca; this was a shot of water with lawnmower refuse; the bottle warned of drowsiness, NOT ego death.
Well, Melatonin kicked my ass. Worse than the way Birdman kicked Wesley Willis' ass.
The comeup was immediate, and I panicked, totally unprepared for any psychoactive effects. I grew cold, trembled, felt nauseous, ran to the toilet about four times, and was slightly lightheaded. These are mild symptoms of hypotension; however, they are also all symptoms of a panic attack. I was fortunate enough to get a sympathetic person on the phone and the negative body symptoms decreased dramatically, which makes me think it was largely panic.
The melatonin also seemed to dredge up Caapi-like effects, feeling cold, tremors, and teeth chattering. This, without the burning question of, "Will my landlord find me passed out two weeks from now, on the floor, dead?" was not so bad, other than that it was totally unexpected and I had no idea when it would end.
The body load was strong, with undeniable overtones of Caapi.
I experienced mild visual distortions, paintings on the wall shifting and vividness of color. Sitting on the couch, I felt like I was sinking into quicksand. My body was extremely euphoric (when waves of shivers receded, this was amazing), it reminded me of Kratom, but much more intense. It was like having a giant, heavy blanket draped over my body that I couldn't remove. There was also an unending sense of dissolution, similar to a tryptamine launch, only without resolve, so I was melting into this warm and sinking, smothering ocean, endlessly.
I didn't smudge. My intentions were to go to sleep.
The body load subsided after about two hours, after which I felt AMAZING, calm, restored, clear, lucid, born again. I went outside in the morning sun and did some yoga. There was not an ounce of resistance anywhere in my body, exactly like the combination of entheogens and yoga. It was fantastic.
I slept, after that, for about two hours, and it was the most SOLID and RESTFUL sleep. I slept without earplugs for the first time in years, and floated through the most vivid lucid dream scenes.
Around 2pm, I decided to try another microdose (5g) of Caapi: the EXACT same thing happened all over again--clearly, there were lingering residual effects of the melatonin--but, the body load was not as fierce. I didn't panic, but there was still the smothering sense of dissolution-blanket-melting-caramel-quicksand; beneath that, though, there was an incredible state of bodily awareness that was much fun to explore. Caapi was potentiated, I felt the usual cold and tremors of a full Ayahuasca dose (that comes at 120g: not 5g: ridiculous potentiation!!). Heavy emotional content was also dredged by the vine, and actually took me to a space of resolving places of anxiety very early in my life--so I wonder how much of this began with the first dose, how much was psychological, related to panic, etc. I slept afterward, and lucid dreamed again, things directly related to what came up during the full-Caapi probe, which lasted about 45 minutes; there were dreams of childhood, playgrounds, sandboxes, dolls, and processing issues of early neglect.
Diet must clearly be playing a huge role: it has sensitized me to other things in similar ways, and I believe accounts for the difference between other people "smoothing out" the end of an Ayahuasca journey with ~10 *milligrams* of melatonin and no physical side effects, and an at-points-terrifying-gutteral-dissolving ego death with *POINT THREE MICROGRAMS* in my case.
I am fascinated; the positive body states that resulted from melatonin, and possibly the combination, are completely worth exploration, IMHO, *but* I also want to make absolutely sure that I'm not endangering my physical wellbeing in any way. I have never had a panic attack in my life. My next most ranking experiences in panic have been with cannabis in the past, which also plays a lot with melatonin.
So, any thoughts at all would be greatly appreciated. I'm still trying to make sense of it all!
My body clock was damaged by years of bartending in the past, so I'd like to go further with melatonin. I also originally sought Aya to conquer depression, so the microdosing is a charm; just wondering whether or not I should still persue them concurrently, and if not, how melatonin could possibly impact regular maxidose sessions with Ayahuasca.
Love and thanks! (and WTF, awesome, will aliens please scan my brain?)
"I have to lie in the middle of the floor completely motionless not daring to breathe"And this just in from grasscity.com: "My old roommate also snorted a line of melatonin. Not a good idea at all, but hes alive, so its really pretty safe."
Some things will come easy, some will be a test