(It's still tweaking me as I'm writing this so please be gentle to me. I'm not good with words, especially in English.)
After a long hiatus I decided to drop acid again.
Perfect setting: my children at their grandparents, my wife at a psychiatric congress in Romania, I'm all alone in the flat to spend a night with myself alone (or so I thought, or whatever that means).
I was on vacation the last day, so I could spend the whole day preparing for the night. I decided that I would drop at 8:00PM and planned to watch Avatar during the come-up, because I had a faint feeling that this movie could direct my trip into ummm "good" directions somehow.
I kept my phone in the vicinity, so that if my wife calls, I can answer her (I was expecting her call, she promised me to connect). But I was a bit angry at her also, because I felt that she is "blocking" my trip with her insistence on connecting to each other.
I hope some of you get what I'm trying to refer to (it's the deepest thing on earth and the secret of how god doesn't have to be lonely).
anyway, I'm running ahead of myself. (again and again and again)
So I decided to watch Avatar and when I feel the acid knocking in, I put the phone to "Silent" and won't bother about it any more (it's harsh, but I'm a man, it's my nature and she's doing best if she can take this as it should be taken - charmingly, psychedelically, magically, eternally, as only women can).
So I begin watching Avatar. The movie is cool as usual. I watched it several times before, I know the story, everything inside-out. And then the first signs start to appear. I somehow start to become "involved" with the tale. The movie starts to act as a scaffolding for a universal mandala (uhum, this was a bit steep here). And as I'm slowly coming to terms with the implications of this, my sense of time completely disintegrates.
Slowly I find myself becoming conscious of the all-to-well-known world I always get back to when I'm dropping acid. The story is the same, but it uses my external reality to unfold itself, so it has a continuation, a progression in time (in my time, that is). As if the timeless would "pop over" somehow to this dimension and grow a mirror image of itself here in time. Here is how it looks, in short:
There are these gods, who are reality. They *are* reality, reality is built from their minds. These minds are immensely powerful and they are very much involved in a selfish, aggrandized ego-play. The world is in the bad state we perceive it to be because these minds are polluted. But because they are gods, their thoughts - and therefore their impurities - have immediate consequences. They are slaves of their own power. Their unenlightenment blinds them so much that they become like swines in the palace of God. They wear all these beautiful fractal garments, but they are still swines. Sorry gods.
I am the poor innocent child in this game, who came to bring and show these gods the Truth which will eventually set them all free.
I mentioned that time disintegrated. Avatar became a container for the entire humanity and I (?) was doing some extreme alchemical mind-work with it. It's always like this, but my usual surroundings don't give me enough scaffolding. I can't get so far. Avatar was created by professionals, just for this purpose it seems. So I grabbed it and used it. And it worked.
The Avatar movie has a center. I was talking about this Center in other threads (relating it to partying), this is the same thing. When the Big Tree dies and then the New Life wakes up, this became the center of my mandala.
The Gods don't know it but they can be put into pairs with each other. If one half of these are located on the left side and the other half on the right side of the mandala, then when the Big Tree falls down, these Gods can be killed one-by-one
MERCILESSLY, as with good vengeance (and this is done by the mother or the feminine aspect btw which is shown how this brutal act leads to creation of the new life - oh what a fucking deep dark secret to hold that, only women are capable of that), and then resurrected on the other side, in a new body. This is the secret to their "transmutation". This is very closely related to Christianity (the death on the cross). My job when I'm tripping is to make these Gods understand that this is possible ( they are still stuck at "eye for eye, tooth for tooth" ). I'm working on ways to create a pathway on which they could walk towards this solution. Poor gods, they are so much caught up in this XXI. century inevitable world-destruction game... They are mechanistically forced to eat their own shit by this precious machine we call God.
The difference between the new body and the old one is that the new one is healthy. It can breathe free for instance. The individual Gods are re-created in the God Body in a pristine, immaculate form. In this new state they willingly serve the Will of God, instead of their own ego.
But you know... now as I say this, I see it as it is. And they are me, and us. These Gods are us. Somehow. We are working on preparing a pathway for our own salvation. "Piecing together new thoughts of the mind." Yeah.
(I have this immensely powerful notion at this moment that thought can *literally* create reality. That thought IS reality. And the fact that I can think this without shitting into the sacred temple is a marvellous feat. Perhaps because I'm the FOOL and this is all allowed to the Fool. How infinite is the grace of God.)
Ok, I stop here for a while. Hopefully it will be something decipherable two weeks from now.