Hi,
I hope that you guys don't judge me too harshly on this post, but I thought that you may have some advice.
I have problems with anxiety primarily (I've had it for about as long as I can remember), and I have dealt with it for a while using alcohol. Lately I've been using Ativan to deal with it aswell. They work, but I need quite a few, and often end up drinking after taking them anyway (not a great idea I know). Anyway, my tolerance has gone up quite a bit. I only drink at night, and it's becoming an every night thing slowly. I can easily put away a few pints of beer and 13 shots of rum, usually no less than that. After that I might smoke a bit of pot to knock me out. Nobody around me has hinted that I have a problem, and I don't consider myself and alcoholic, but a part of me would like to quit at the same time.
I know that alcohol seems a bit taboo around here, but I've smoked spice while on it before and always had a great time. No elf ever communicated that I should stop. I am going for 'hypnotherapy' with a friend next week for the hell of it to see if it can help me curb smoking/drinking. Is there anything else that I should do? I know it can't be good for me, but drinking seems very appealing a lot of the time. I was hoping that I could find a substitute, but most other things seem harder to aquire and at least as addictive.

What worries me more than waking up hungover is the blackouts that I've started having in the last few months (even on days when I didn't take Ativan). Waking up soaking in mud and having my friend tell me that we walked over a mile and I fell in a stream several times, with no memory of it at all. Suddenly passing out at a party and piecing together parts of it over the weeks (stuff I had no IDEA about, strange bruises etc.) I woke up the next day still staggering drunk at 12:30 PM. It happened in a bar too, and I'm very lucky that my friend works there and I know the bouncer. I try not to do that, it seems to happen if I drink a lot of rum very fast. I'm never an unpleasant drunk, but it fulfills some need for relief, and most of my friends drink a lot.
Anyway, I'm sure some people here have experience with this... and I was wondering if they have any advice -
Cheers,
Crisp

Hello Crisp,

I am an alcoholic. For about four years now I believe. The longest I have taken a break is no more than 1 week over that course of time. I have been struggling with depression for a long time, but mostly I choose the excuse of boredom for my habit. As of the last couple months I have cut back considerably, only drinking once, maybe twice a week. I had a period of blackouts a few times a week for a number of months. This had to stop, I actually seek spirituality, wisdom, entheogen use in the hopes of reducing or altogether ending this addiction. For me, to have an addiction is suffering, to try quitting in addiction is suffering, yet the feeling you get when you cut back or quit something altogether makes you so proud of yourself. Actually, I was turned on to the use of psychedelics for healing purposes, probably more so than experimentation or curiosity, it is not the only reason I seek it now, but it was initially. This substance we consume may be good in moderation, but excessive drinking has taken a toll on my health. An ulcer, GERD, two trips to the ER with alcohol poisoning, .31 the last time with a $5,000 bill, but was that enough for an alcoholic to realize how much deep I am in trouble with this? Is this really what my life was coming down to, getting drunk every night? I have sought help, but no one can help you more than yourself. I have actually grown sick and tired of drinking, I sometimes ask myself why do I even drink? I suggest anyone with a drinking problem should try to realize how drinking effects the people around you, especially yourself, but not in a selfish way, but take a third person look at yourself and tell me what you see, maybe a problem? I can blame my alcoholism on my family tree, but I want to break free of that, biologically I may be addicted, but the power of self can overcome that, even something much greater. I hope my therapeutic use of entheogens will help me fix the problems I have with abusing substances, or atleast help me help myself. Alcohol and cigarettes are so toxic and deadly, they should be banned.

I am a pharmacy technician and I cannot say enough please DO NOT DRINK ON BENZODIAZEPINES, they suppress your central nervous and respiratory system and adding alcohol to that is a deadly and fatal mix! Im sure that is what is inducing your blackouts, as well. I actually take Vicodin or Xanax on occassion in order to deter myself from turning to the bottle because I know how harmful it can be.

Good luck on anyone else suffering!

IMHO you need to stop drinking and stop using benzos. Seeking another drug, such as a powerful hallucinogen, to replace them with would not be wise.

You will never, EVER get over your anxiety as long as you are an addict.

I am a former alcoholic and an addict. My drugs of choice were booze and meth, I have done benzos on more than one occasion.

I have been sober from alcohol now for almost two years. I havent done meth in almost four years. I was able to use psilocybin to help me with the withdrawls of alcohol. I used a very ligt dose, about a gram a day for the better part of a month. I dont reccomend this. Replacing your drug of choice with another just prolongs the agony.

My advice is-

immediate cessation from all drug use to include caffine and nicotine.
seek support in sober family and friends.
start a physical fitness program immediately to help detox, REMEMBER crawl,walk,run
Start a healthy diet that consists of organic foods, seek help from a nutritionist.
make ammends with all whom have been hurt by your actions during your addiction.
Seek sober professional help with your anxiety issues.
immediate cessation from all drug use to include caffine and nicotine.
immediate cessation from all drug use to include caffine and nicotine.

Just my 2 cents

That's a good point, because I actually have an addictive personality, I turn to caffeine or nicotine to even get a buzz or high or somewhat altered sobriety. Energy drinks, cigarettes, these substances are even more unhealthy than alcohol.

I take your advice as a helping hand in reminding me what I can do. Exercise, even push ups, a little run, eating healthy, avoiding junk food or soda, etc. For me I was doing push-ups, drinking muscle milk, jogging occassionally, only drinking water aside from my alcohol use. Doing these things can actually give you a well deserved and accomplished "high" of adrenaline and good work you will thank yourself for. As for me, I switched from energy drinks to coffee drinks and want to ultimately drink coffee I brew myself, I discern the thought of cutting off the drug of choice for an insomniac.

Take small steps, make certain goals, do something, take a small portion out of your day, you can achieve great feats in time if you stick to the plan!

Thanks for your replies... I appreciate it. I didn't experience the blackouts before I switched to hard liquor and started taking Ativan, but it has happened on days when I haven't taken Ativan. I know it's a risky combination, but I seem to have a high tolerance. It takes 4mg Ativan or loads of alcohol to feel balanced out.
Ice House - I didn't seek spice to replace booze (in fact they combined very well in my experience, lowish doses of spice usually). I read about people smoking it once then quitting cigs, etc... but that wasn't my experience. Realistically, I don't think that I can quit all drugs at once (not that I take any regularly besides booze, cigs, and 3/4 times weekly Ativan). It would be good for me, but just too much anxiety. I would want to crawl into a corner. I don't know what I could replace it with. I remember I once posted about taking DXM instead of booze as an experiment, and it nearly finished me. Nasty stuff. I was in bed for four days suffering the worst panic attacks of my life. Just drenched in sweat. Fortunately, I haven't effected other people very much from my drinking, but that's probably due to my personality. Nobody has suggested that I have a problem, but they probably don't notice.

Well I drank about 15 shots of rum and 2 pints tonight, and I feel OK. It sounds a bit sick I know, but that's where I am now. This makes me a drunk perhaps, but an alcoholic? It's funny to me that people I know criticize others for being alcoholics when they probably don't drink as much as I do. I hope this hypnotherapy works, who knows? I guess there's no magic pill that fixes this. Just Music. God do I love music.

Crisp - if you need it to feel ok, and you drink everyday, and cannot contemplate stopping - you are an alcoholic. I drink a lot of scotch and beer myself. It got to be a daily thing, then the amount increased. Then night became evening. Then I redefined evening as starting at 4pm. Alcohol is great in moderation, but is insidious.

Spice helped me. I don't know how, and I am not necessarily recommending it. I still drink, but only on the weekends, and not every weekend. Smoking DMT just shifted my perspective on things, and the changes in my behaviour weren't conscious. It wasn't until a few weeks had gone by that i even realized that 4 oclock rolled around and most days the cupboard stayed closed!

I have to repeat, i am not recommending this for you. I would listen to Icehouse. He has been where you are and back.

Good luck.

JBArk

Hypnotherapy absoloutely works, and especially self-hipnosis: even for things which you want which aren't immediately to do with you. For example, one of the things I wanted to manifest was to live minimally and have quality items in a lovely home. I have that now, thanks to self-hipnosis

In my opinion you are not addressing the root of your difficulties. Seeing a hypnotheipist for the drinking/smoking it ignoring the fact that you drink/smoke because of your anxiety. Deal with the anxiety first, then you can tackle the drinking/smoking if you find you still have the need to participate in this activity to the degree you have up until now.

If you don't deal with the root cause, you will just relapse or find another means of dealing with it which is just a mask and not a cure.

What is it that the drink blots out for you? You need to identify this motivation to control your alcohol consumption. And if you cant get through a day without drinking [or whatever your poison happens to be] then yes you are an addict.

I really hate alcoholism. I find it discusting watching the way it has completely ruined the lives of some of my family and they people directly around them. My grandfather is one of the biggest alcoholics I know and I dont really have much respect at all for him...hes wasted his life and completely fucked up my grandmothers life sitting back relying on her to take care of him..he would be dead 10 times over otherwise.

I watch another older friend of mine wither away slowy, getting worse all the time with a destroyed liver and cancer from drinking..and his problems become everyone else problems when he is around them..its sad but thats reality.

I dont really see the difference personally between an alcoholic and a heroin addict..other than alcoholics alot of the time(from what I see) are more violent and messy..

I really hope that you decide to stop..alcoholism is a huge problem in our society, yet seems more socially accpetable than other drug addicitions..even then daily cannabis use to many people!..and that needs to change.

If you cant quit on your own Id get therapy..even Iboga therapy if you want to go the entheogen route..I wish my grandfather was more open to things like Iboga..hes been a freakin drunk his entire life, all through my fathers and aunts childhood..alcoholism becomes everyones problem. I thank god that my father is not an alcoholic after growing up with that.

I haven't had a drink for two weeks, I have been experimenting with other things, and am having fun and being told that I look healthier I don't want to rely on benzos, etc. too much, but I figure I'll cut that out too soon enough.

I had a short but fierce stint with alcohol (6 months or so) that coincided with some heavy anxiety and me leaving my country of birth. The worst I became was a bottle of wine after work a few nights a week, but it was TOTALLY a coping mechanism, and I never ever drank before that.

Then, one day, I wondered, "Why am I doing this to myself?"

I started drinking to cope with a bad situation. I LEFT said bad situation, continued drinking... until I realized I didn't need to do it anymore.

Googled some random stuff about detox and stumbled along... The Master Cleanse. The master cleanse is BRUTAL and COMPLETELY HARSH ON THE BODY and I wouldn't recommend it now that I know better alternatives... but it was the first thing I had ever really read that got me into "health" and "cleansing." It is basically a 10 day fast on lemon water with maple syrup and cayenne pepper, plus herbal laxatives and salt water flushes (well, it was healthier than my lifestyle at the time, anyway ). I would wake up at 6am crawling to the washroom in abject pain from the laxatives, screaming and cursing wondering why on earth I decided to put myself through all of this... but after the rough bouts of elimination, I felt amazingly better.

My skin improved. Huge clumps of eyeliner that were trapped in my sinuses came gushing out of my nose (yeah, I quit wearing makeup after that ), and on the eighth day, my face turned grey and I profusely sweated yellow sweat. I am subjectively convinced that was the day my liver cleaned house.

Anyway, the abstinence of all ritual intake for ten days (you can do this GENTLY and SAFELY with fruit, fruit and veggie juices, or even just living foods, some cooked whole foods, there are a MILLION gradients out there to fit your level of comfort that can assist you in cleansing) was like pulling the e-brake on all destructive behaviors and examining how they impacted me, physically, emotionally, psychologically.

Something magical really did happen during that cleanse, because, on the few occasions I have attempted drinking after that, I would get smashed after 3oz of wine. I lost all tolerance. I was cured, not only of my ability to get drunk, but of my desire for alcohol, too. I got clean enough to realize HOW SICK it made me feel.

Anyway, that is MY STORY and MY EXPERIENCE, coming from MY PERSONAL SITUATION (disclaimer, hehe). I'm not saying go out and try some crazy fast, but I have found that attentively tending to my health and cutting all RITUAL, UNCONSCIOUS forms of intake (*this is why, say, replacing your intake with some kind of living foods cleanse can also work, along with many other things, it is the IDEA) worked for me. I radically changed my diet, and many elements of my lifestyle after the cleanse, accordingly, because I didn't want to go back to feeling like death again.

I passed out, but never blacked out. It was also a shorter period of time. In any case, re-establishing and redefining your relationship with your body as a home for your spirit, however you choose is ultimately best for YOU and YOUR situation, will play a fair role in healing.

Much love and peace.

I don't think I ever had a drinking problem, although I used to drink very frequently and usually to dull some of the emotions which arose from a variety of unpleasant situations in my life at the time. I realized that this wasn't a good thing, but it kept going.

I didn't go to ayahuasca (ayahaoma, specifically) to solve a drinking problem, but I did go to it to help me overcome some of the issues which had caused drinking. If your drinking stems from anxiety, aya may be a good way to help you get through that. And if it doesn't take one aya session, it might take three. Not only did aya help me get over all of that, but on some intrinsic level it showed me how drinking regularly is not a good thing, and now I partake of alcohol only lightly and occasionally (and very occasionally not lightly) despite the fact that I make a wide variety of liqueurs (there's a half-gallon of home-made ethanol on my desk as I write).

I can see how vaped DMT might never have lead you to higher realization of your self, as the experience is so brief, but consider trying aya-- you'd be surprised what can come of that.

Another option, assuming you live in the right place, would be to get a medical marijuana prescription...! (which wouldn't SOLVE things, I know, but it'd be better than drinking... and you'd legally have a lot of pot)