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Pharma. 100 copy, 100 BC tinc. a mere 100 yellow fragrant spice. 3 datura seeds.

I pass into oblivion and my consciousness shifts between the here and the behind seven times, the last four by my will. I was shown inexplicable order. I was shown the seams in my reality and the effortless manner by which the entity I was in contact with could manipulate them. I was offered what I want more than anything else in this universe; the true love I shared with my beloved, I was given the opportunity to pull the strings behind the scenes and move space and time to my will. During this time I experienced the most exquisite and expansive bliss I have ever known. The equivalent of 1,024 full body orgasms to prove the power and word of the alien intelligence.

But at what price.


Brief history: My love and I have struggled direly of late. Our paths incongruent, our goals misaligned. We are pushing through but the future is never more than a mood away.


I was offered the easy way out. A deal with the Devil, if you will. An end to the greatest suffering I have known in this lifetime. Suffering equaled only by the deep love I feel for this woman.


I declined.


I am locked in these mere three dimensions for a reason and while I may use the spice and the spice may use me and I might enjoy windowshopping the future of my choice. I cannot and will not write a check that my ass cannot cash.

I choose the suffering. I will never take the easy road again. I am reminded it is the journey, not the destination, that is the crux of life. The lessons learned here are more valuable than I might ever know.

If ascension is possible in this lifetime, it is most certainly attainable by the stairs. I just don't trust elevators...





Namaste,

Espiridion

Wise choice!

Your poetry!, at present, is spot on for the experience-reading/seeking mind.

Not to mention, some pretty damn(ed) great wisdom in their TOO!

Thanks for sharing...

You're a special cat. I've always thought so.

Listen, it sounds to me like you are very much in love with her but she is not that in love you anymore. A woman who has 100% interest level or even 85% in her man doesn't allow "her life" to move in the opposite direction from his.

The most important thing to a woman is love, in fact it's about the only thing that's important to her.

If her boyfriend wants to move to south America and live with a Shaman, guess what? She'll want to drop everything and go too rather than lose the relationship! That's what high interest level is.

But the price you pay for staying in a faulty relationship where you're too in love and she isn't, will be your self-esteem and your long term happiness.

You're mightn't miss your soul immediately, but you'll sure miss your self-esteem and you're happiness. You are missing them right now if you only knew it.

Jesus. Now that's an asshole post.

What exactly is your point, Mr. Sensitive?

Edit: I see you toned it down...

Isn't Love sopposed to be a 2 way street? A compromise?..why would you want someone that you love to give up everything that is them, to satisfy only you "100%" of the time? If you really loved them wouldnt you want THEM to have something they dream of as well?..kinda selfish to me..people need to learn to accept each other so they can meet half way. Love isnt about having someone follow you aroud at all costs. If you cant put in a little effort and work for something is it even worth having?

I didn't write it to be an asshole If I came across like that I'm sorry.


My point is, he is talking about "deals with the devil" and the "incongruities". These are things that have got noting to do with his problem but are at best mental "metaphors" for what is really going on.

The problem is the woman's interest level in him has dropped. The sooner he comes to terms with that the better for him.

Sure sure sure, but you are missing my point. The point is women who have high interest level in their boyfriends don't have "incongruities". They are happy, period. Because a good relationship by itself represents the bulk of what they want in life. Yes "the bulk" of what they want.

Of course if a man is in love with a woman he want's her to be happy and is willing to make compromises.

But do you think this guys girlfriend is making him happy atm? Do you think she is acting in a loving way? I'm pretty sure she is not. If she was acting in a loving way he wouldn't be telling us about it.

.
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The man from Ireland is correct. I appreciate the defenses, folks, but it is true. She is divided to say the least. I
Have seen this coming for a long time. She loves me, she loves me not.

I'll be okay. I made the choice to suffer through it and I'll be stronger because. I don't use alcohol or other numbing agents so I work through pain and acceptance faster than some.


Love to all.


Namaste,

E

What exactly was the nature of this bargain? Was it explicitly set forth that you would lose your soul or equivalent through consenting to the offer, or rather it felt like a violation of the natural order of things; that you'd rather have authentic love or nothing at all?

I wonder if this was some kind of cosmic test?

I dont believe in the Devil..I think the idea of it is silly. I believe in light and dark and both exist within us..essentially its about a head trip and internal struggle IMO...It's all you.

Light and dark is all a matter of perspective, there is nothing objective about the concepts. Dark can be good, light can be bad. And vice versa. Asking someone if they prefer laying down at night staring at the blue, yellow, red, etc stars and constellation patterns or enjoying the clouds and beauty of the green nature around them at 2 PM is truly amusing. Personally I LOVE both

E- i'm there with you brother. it is harder than anything, but like you i also do not use alcohol or anything that 'takes'....i am up to my eyebrows in suffering right now with the loss of my girl and i know how painful the process of ending a relationship can be.

you got a friend out here on the west coast

L&G!!

Wow, E, what poetry in your original post. This Love is, apparently, very powerful, aye, SWIM has never had a deep romantic/intimate commitment so your reports are helpful and informative. Look forward to hear what shines down the road for you.

Sounds like the spirit of Lady Datura... have you ever read about pusanga?

E

Life seems to hand us what we find most difficult to deal with... But for a reason. Stay strong, I wish you all the happiness in the world my friend.


Much Peace and Sunshine

Fractal Enchantment

Beautifully said...


Much Peace and Happiness

Yes, yes, yes brother. This is DEEP truth.

-spiceworm

I am on the same path and going through the same trials as you are, as well. Me and my girl are not committed to each other as much as we should be or used to be. As fractal said there has to be compromise, but when it is only coming from one side, what is their to gain or benefit or share in happiness? My girl is definitely someone who would drop everything in her life to follow me, I believe people who want to take you down with them are even very selfish for not embracing each and every person's goals and dreams to try to become anything they want in life. I believe this is possible, only the strong can stay on the path less traveled. I have suffered for a long time dealing with myself about my situation. I abuse alcohol and sometimes drugs to ease the suffering, take shortcuts, ignore, etc. I DO NOT WANT TO TAKE THIS PATH. I have been stuck in a cycle of nothingness in life, no progression, stagnancy, depression. I want to break free! I also believe this suffering will make me stronger, come to a realization, and live a life far beyond what I have told myself is a possibility. I have been seeking Buddhism, meditation, DMT, spirituality, among other things for the past year or so, but I have not committed myself, I have succumbed to everyday distractions that reality possesses. I would like for DMT to be guidance for me, to break me down, rebuild me, etc., for the better of myself and to others. As with antrocles, you got someone else on the west coast to help with your endeavors.