Hello.

I'll tell you one of the major reasons I took dmt, and why I took such a large dose. About 8 years ago, I started having severe panick attacks and nightmares while trying to sleep. The fear was so great I was also sometimes seeing terrifying visions. I became so afraid that I was afraid I was going to die from the fear. It was too intense and my heart would beat impossibly fast. I did try some very expensive prescription medication. They weren't very helpful and had unfavorable side effects, and very nasty withdrawal.

The fear hit like lightning. All of a sudden, for no apparent reason, I would be in total panic mode, like my brain just decided to release pure fear all at once. This would come and go, but over the last year, it kept getting worse and worse, and more frequent.

I started to associate sleep with terror, and I could not get to sleep. As soon as I could feel myself starting to get drowsy in bed, I would become very afraid because that's the moment that the panic attacks come, and I would see a nightmarish vision that would put me in a panic. I didn't want to close my eyes when I went to bed. I tried to face the fears, but it seemed like there was nothing I could do. Afraid to fall asleep, I was losing great amounts of sleep everyday, which was affecting every area of my life, and making me feel bad all the time. Not only that, but I started to become terrified of my own mind. If my mind could put me through such a thing for no apparent reason, who knows what it might do next, I thought. I was worried I would go crazy, maybe start seeing things in everyday life, not just near sleep.

It just kept getting worse, and yet it seemed like an unfaceable fear because it would only happen when I let my guard down when I go to sleep. There is no courage when I'm half asleep. I would just be suddenly jolted awake. So what to do?

I decided that taking a hallucinogen like dmt would take me to that nightmarish place where I am so afraid that I hallucinate. Only, unlike my panic attacks, I knew that taking dmt would be a nightmare that I cannot escape, it would FORCE me to face these fears. Instead of it being a flash of fear, it would be a 3 hour panic attack, where I HAVE to face these visions in my head, and I cannot escape them like waking up out of a nightmare.

I took my dmt and it did more than I could have ever hoped for. It did exactly what I hoped it would do, force me to face my own worst fears, namely the fear of myself, the fear that my own mind could potentially manifest something so terrifying it could kill me or drive me insane. I faced it, and got comfortable with it in dmt space.

I have not had any nightmare since taking dmt. Not only that, but my dreams have been the most beautiful I've ever had. Not only that, but what used to be panic attacks have turned in to conscious sleep where I explore states I never even thought possible. Not only that, but I'm no longer afraid of myself, or of going insane. I am at peace with my body and mind, and what my mind can potentially do. Now when I feel myself falling asleep, I'm not worried about what I might see.... and the nightmares have stopped. I can finally just rest.

Hi fnog9,

Do you think you might have suffered from night terrors?

Nightmares tend to be like regular dreams, in that they have a narrative, and are easy to comprehend. And they occur in the later stages of sleep.

Night terrors on the other hand happen in the early stages of sleep, and they aren't nightmares. People either experience an evil presence, strange hallucinations projected onto walls and ceilings - like scrolling letters, or else they have 'impossible task' terrors.

I've had the impossible task terror, and I've wondered if it is anything like what a bad trip might feel like. I've only had experience with cannabis, and it feels like that - an altered state of mind. I feel like I'll never be the same again, yet in the morning I'm fine.

Like you, I'm absolutely appalled at the power of these terrors - that the mind can produce such horror. I can understand the mind producing an evil presence in order to stimulate a flight or fight response - maybe if a subconscious mind is over sensitive or stressed, but the impossible task is such an abstract horror, I can't understand what function it could have. It is like coming face to face with a gibbering abomination that proceeds to throw one into an abyss of endless suffering.

*shrugs*

Man that is just awesome. I am tickled pink to hear that the spice has made such a benefecial change in your life.

It’s good to hear that you got something so positive out of your high-dose experience. If you had explained your motivation in your early posts as clearly as you have here, you probably wouldn’t have gotten so much flak and “I told ya so” remarks.

This was a pretty brave thing to do, fnog9 - to go and face your deepest fears. I wonder if your resolve and courage in themselves had as much to do with you being able to overcome this. Glad to hear you have found peace, friend

Wonderful!
congratulations! this is most helpful news.



Sorry the forum jumped so negatively on you when they heard your initial reports. The internet can be stupid sometimes. And by sometimes i mean often.

Oh, yeah, then they would usually be night terrors. That's why it came to a point where the scariest part was just getting close to falling asleep, not even falling asleep. The terror usually manifested as an evil presence. So over the last year I became very sensitive to the process of falling asleep, and began to fear that point at which I can feel myself losing control, slipping in to unconsciousness. I would try telling myself I'm not afraid, but I'd still get jolted. Now, I let myself completely relax, and just allow the night time forces to take over my body.

Maybe the fear was losing control...... not just a little control, ALL control. The fear that I have no control over what my mind might do, or malfunction, or go crazy. Unless this fear hits a person, they won't know just how vulerable they are to their own mind, and losing control. I guess I came to a point where I was ready to say, "I don't care if this kills me, I'm not going to be afraid anymore". But I didn't know how to get to that. I tried literally telling myself that, but I didn't really know what I was saying, it was just a desire to escape the fear. It was only after taking dmt did I realize what I was actually up against. Only after consciously remaining in a dream like state with minimal control, such as dmt provided, did I have knowledge to understand what kind of fear I was facing.

These night time events no longer manifests as terror, but as some kind of conscious sleep, which is a very rejuvinating, and amazing experience. Where I used to fear that feeling of losing control, it is now a wonderful relaxation in to another realm.

Thanks for the support, everyone.

Good to hear, friend, good to hear.

Let me first say i am REALLY glad youre doing ok, maybe even better.

I hate to be the bad guy here, but i cant jump on the bandwagon and retroactively condone your act. I understand it more now, but:

it sounds to me like jumping off a cliff to reset a fractured bone.

I can only hope that some desperate soul reading your initial post will be directed here to read your reasons; then that the desperate soul in question thinks twice about self medicating a massive (over) dose unsupervised in an attempt to cure themselves of a psychological affliction, balls up.

Good for you, it worked. And people, please think of others reading this and the harm they may do themselves before so effusively cheering fnog on.

I must end by saying i think, if all you posted is true fnog, that you are a very special person indeed. And part of me envies that. But being special comes with special responsibilities. Never forget that.

JBArk

I guess what can take away nightmares ,can also give you nightmares under circumstances.
I even think its possible Iboga can bring back addictions that were once cured by Iboga.

Yes, very true. Those are important points as well. I don't mean to sound as if DMT is the answer to life's problems. For me it ended a big nightmare, for others it might begin a nightmare you never even thought possible. I realize my accounts sound like some grandiose adventure that somehow ended up with a fairytale ending. For some, even that strong positive language might scare them away..... well good. Be scared away if you don't want to explore your darkest depths. Don't you dare even touch the stuff unless you're prepared to have the most real nightmare you have ever had. No one has to take dmt. I was well aware I was getting in to something that was going to go beyond would I could handle. I was quite desperate. All I can say is this was something that I had to do. Everything about it was right. I was having terrible experiences that I simply could not face, did not even have the tools to face it. I was encountering terrifying presences in sleep, or near sleep. Then I read about this naturally occuring substance called dmt, which plays some role in sleep apparently. And when people take dmt, they encounter presences or entities. It was just absolutely the perfect fit for my situation. I had to take this substance, and face these entities, and get used to them, and get used to my own consciousness.

There is a lot of talk and negative propaganda by concerned citizens that "drugs are bad", and do nothing but screw people up, drive them insane. I'm talking about illegal drugs of course, only those are generally considered to be the bad ones. Maybe true of some drugs, but there are also potentially wonderful substances that are also illegal to posess, such as dmt. I wanted to add my account of how drugs can be good for a willing participant beyond the high iteself. I mean, if some substances can help people, why should they be banned? Why would the law punish people for trying to help themselves? My intentions were clearly to help myself, to help function better, ultimately to be a better person. Maybe if enough people see that many drug users do have these good intentions, and do reap benefits from the drugs, which makes the person better for society as a whole, maybe people will eventually have the right to choose whether to take this stuff or not..... like they have the right to choose whether or not to take antidepressents which are well known for their negative side effects, negative withdrawal effects, well known to only be effective in a surprisingly small percentage of people, even sometimes increase the risk of suicide. Do a google search for anti drepssant side effects and read the endless complaints. Or like people have the right to choose whether or not ot take alcohol, which is well known for its potential devestating physical toxcicity level, social danger (people doing things they regret and don't remember), addictive potential, behavioral dangers (increases aggression in many), and is literally classified as a depressant. The list goes on and on. Yet alcohol can also merely be a way to lighten people up, have a good time, and has its place in society. People have the right to choose alcohol. I sure don't choose alcohol. It does nothing but kill my brain and make my body feel like garbage.

I don't mean to promote dmt, I mean to promote the right to choose. My reasoning being that if enough people can see that drugs aren't necessarily bad for everyone who takes them, maybe people will be given the right to choose. It seems as though there is a concensus among law makers that illegal drugs are as bad as poison. That means no matter who takes them, or for whatever reason, the drugs will have a negative impact, that illegal drugs are not good for the individual, and they are not good for society, and as such they should be banned. However, my account suggests otherwise. Drugs aren't necessarily bad for every single person. Perhaps it is time to give people the right to choose.

DMT didn't drive me insane, it drove me sane. Reaping benefits in every area of my life from physical, mental, spiritual, social, work, relationships. It was a big lynch pin. What else could possibly stop a person from living to their fullest potential other than facing their inner demons? That's what I did. Of course I am reaping the benefits! It would be nice if people had the right to choose to take such a path.

However, if everyone did what I did, there would probably be a lot of casualties. Just like if everyone tried to do what what Evel Knievel did (and many consider him a hero), there would probably be people a lot of people getting killed, although he lived to die of natural causes. He had the right to choose to go down his path. Don't do what I do, and don't do what Evel Knievel did. Make your own decision, if you want to follow the same path as me, or join the army. Whatever you know is the right path for you.

As for dosing alone, the only reason I did that is because I do not know of anyone who condones drug use other than alcohol or marijuana. it was either alone, or not at all. And the reason I was confident doing it alone was because from my low dose experiment, I determined that the body load will make me lie down or pass out, not get up and run off a cliff or something, and that's what happens every time I take dmt, it makes me to weak to freak out. Do your own low dose experimentation to determine your body low. Plus I have a lot of experience outdoors, I'm simply not apprehensive about being along in a forest. It was just a place to lie down and be alone, that's all. I know a lot of other people think it's not a good idea going alone in the forest, even without drugs. Sorry, I'm just not afriad of it, I can't help it. Nothing bad has ever happened to me out there, and I go out there a lot. That doesn't mean you should try to be the same. But thank God I have the right to choose to go in a forest by myself because it is very beautiful and rewarding. There are some countries where I wouldn't even have the right to choose to walk wherever I want, and I feel sorry for them. I wish it didn't have to be that way. It wouldn't have to be that way if certain laws were changed, and certain rights were given. Perhaps it is time to evolve our rights where people also have the right to choose what to put in to their own bodies, just as I have the right to choose where to walk. I would be very thankful to have both rights.

So, although it may seem as if my decision to take dmt was made on a whim, I did a lot of research before actually doing it. Even the high dose which you disagree with was thought out. It may have been a dose more than necessary for a strong trip, however, everything I read about my dosage suggested that although it is a high dose, it is probably not physically dangerous. That's all I needed to know about it at the time. I am not the first to take such a dose. After further experimentation, I realized that such a high dose is not necessary, as lower doses can be just as effective. And so, I agree, I also do not condone taking huge doses of dmt because it is not necessary. I could have experimented further to determine this. Yes, that was a mistake, although a forgivable one. My intention with high dose trip was to max out the trip, take everything and every fear the drug could offer. I just wanted to make sure it would work that night because I have had several failed trips, and that night I was ready to go for bust. That's all. In retrospect I know now the large dose was not necessary, and although probably not severely damaging to my system, it was probably not good for me either, so don't anyone take a huge dose of dmt. Here's my thread about it https://www.dmt-nexus.me...spx?g=posts&t=12488

So yeah, it's really difficult to explain absolutely everything about me and my motivations at one time, but I assure people everything I have done is well thought out, and I don't want anyone to do what I did just because I did it. Make your own decisions and determine what is right for you. I wish to promote doing all the research you possibly can on any drug before partaking of it.

And so my final message here is this...... the reason I took dmt and came out better on the other side is because I DID research it, I did low dose experiments, and I determined how my body reacts to it. And I was also aware of of how terrifying it could be. I had no illusion that I would be psychologically comfortable during the high. I was prepared to face great terror, and was thus ready to accept the unnacceptable. So my message is don't dose more than necessary, do a hell of a lot of research before getting in to this, and make your own decision.

Thanks for that fnog9 - you give a good account of yourself and your thinking, and I thank you for your honesty in this thread.

safe travels, friend

your experience resonates with me very deeply..

I also used to suffer from night terrors, the "Impossible task" kinds...I know what it's like to be afraid...

so to hear that someone has conquered this fear makes me so happy!!!

Congratulations friend, safe travels!

Thanks for that post fnog. For an evel knievel you seem pretty level headed! And thanks for not taking my post as a personal affront - it certainly wasn't meant as one. I only ever make posts of that nature out of concern, and i appreciate you taking my concerns seriously and spending the time addressing them.

I look forward to hearing more about you.

Cheers
JBArk

No prob. My response was the natural following to your response, and it did need to be said, so I'm glad you responded that way.