kaleidoscope eyes wrote:ghostman wrote:My journeys followed a sequence of introductory events. From first seeing a blue/serpentine/undulating,morphing machine, to a portal with instructions to get through the portal to an invite from a female entity and then I broke through and endured a series of journeys where I was being programmed for hyperspace.
I was physically programmed directly in my brain with probes in eyes and ears, I was also ripped apart, raped and eaten.
Then I was loved.
So yes, there was a introductory period of nearly 6 months of cold, hard adjustment before I even got a glimmer of what pleasures lay beyond.
To this day, even though all my journeys in the last 6 months have been nothing but awesome, I shit in my panties at the thought of going inside.
Did you ever think about giving up after what most people would consider a series of very, very difficult experiences? Were these experiences of being ripped apart etc one after the other of these and then 6 months later you had a pleasurable experience?
That would have taken a lot of mental stamina to go through! Or were they not "scary" per se with being eaten and torn, like not entirely terrifying? Did you ever think maybe you wouldn't see the light at the end?
Sorry for the long string of questions, its just your post addressed my deepest fear of venturing into hyperspace- that I will have a terrifying, uncomfortable experience and then not want to explore the realms anymore...
I had read many trip reports where people were going on about love and overwhelming joy and I simply couldn't understand where they were getting their information from.
I was really questioning my motives and struggled to understand why I was putting myself through it all. It wasn't all terrifying, there was a lot of awesome quantum, jimjam pinball going on and visits to triptamine palaces.
What got to me though was that the same entities were always there and they were doing slight of hand things to distract me while others worked on my brain and things like that. It played with me, it would scare the life out of me one day and then the next it would play with me. Even when it played it was menacing and I had to be careful.
I see now that it was like a training module, although there were times I ended up somewhere I really shouldn't have!
I could not see an end to it and actually did not believe some of the reports I was reading here.
I had one very, very intense trip that was so integrated at the time, the biggest and most profound trip to date where my serpent guardian held my head in place with a probe in my right eye and one in my left ear. She then opened my head and started downloading a program. She was tapping out a code, like morse on my leg, but first telepathically telling me what the code meant, saying 'oh, you think that's weird.... check this out' then the next code would be tapped out.
All the while my Joker had a hoola-hoop time machine and for the first time ever he slowed things down to Planck time.
It was so real, it really freaked me out. That put me off for a few weeks, and then I tried Changa.
Caapi leaf Changa was not any easier as the spirit of the serpent was too strong. I had these serpents tasting my with their tongues, hundreds of them tasting me, sniffing my face. I worked through it.
Then I discovered Electric Sheep and BANG. It loved me, God, what a relief. It was the first time I felt any universal love and it was literally orgasmic. I never had a bad trip since. Electric Sheep and Golden Temporal (Caapi, Pau d'Arco) love me. I've had truly, unspeakably beautiful journey's on these blends.
Even though It's been 8 months since I had that freaky journey and I have ONLY had most excellent journey's since, my blood runs cold at the thought of blasting off.
So instead of trying to fight it, I am going with the flow of abstinance and really using this time to integtrate the massive healing I received throughout the entire process.
It was all sequential and I feel I am still threading the tapestry.
To answer your question though it was all learning for me. Learning about timing, intention and state of mind and heart. Also, freebase DMT is a very different beast and I think it's actually all about the add-mixture. I would definitely recommend making Changa. Try freebase though, so that you know the differences.
It's intensely personal and I can see that it was communicating with me in a very special way. You need to trust yourself and surrender. Even when I got soul-raped and picked apart and eaten there was nothing I could do. It was like I was poisoned and immobilized. None of it hurts physically, it's just weird. I was even rewarded afterwards, lol. They gave me a great big orb of light to sing to. It changed frequency at my voice.
You need to be careful not to assimilate other people's trip reports. This is why you should actually stay away from reading them for a while if you are anxious about going in. Fill you mind and heart with peace and love and you will be fine.
So many times though, I prepare myself and I smudge, and I discard all ill feeling etc and when I blast off they tell me to leave everything i brought with me behind, including the peace and love and good intentions and to just be, just observe, it's like none of it is necessary. They're like 'why so obsessive compulsive? you don't need that where you're going....whoooosh'
Next stop, Ayahuasca.
Peace and Love!
Peace in mind, Love in heart