Chalchiuhtlicue- that was such a poignant, relevant and wonderful post.....i've reread it a couple times now and continue to gain so much from it.
THANK YOU!
i suppose the reason i have such a powerful resonance with it is because i have been LIVING it for the past couple months.... i have worked with spice so much now, i have gone through metamorphosis after metamorphosis...yet...i am still in THIS world and my daily obligations have not gone away...
i most certainly have come to the point where i wanted to sell everything and go find my cave. however, i am 39 years old and still a professional athlete who is CONTRACTUALLY BOUND to complete not only THIS season, but NEXT season as well. the truth is, i was having a truly shitty season this year. zero wins, no desire to win, in fact- i found the whole notion of trying to make it to a painted line in the road first pretty ridiculous. my day would be spent not training, but reading spiritual books, watching compelling documentaries about human origins and transformational events, converting my entire house into a temple devoted to transformational work, working with spice, helping OTHERS work with spice.....
and then i'd have to fly off to some multi-day race somewhere and try with all my might to figure out (while flying around in a pack of 120+ guys at 40+ mph) why the hell i was there...
i decided to try something. i took a break from spice. it's been three weeks now. here's what i've discovered thus far:
1. all of the work i had done up to this point was not for naught. i have incurred permanent, lasting changes in my perception of life and the world. personally, i am deeply grateful and quite ecstatic about this. hell, i can float in the geometry at night when i close my eyes! it feels like i'm beginning to break through!
2. my dreams ARE like breakthroughs. straight-up. i have seen elves, air ships, i have gone to worlds.....all stuff i experienced and had shown to me via spice is still resounding through every cell in me.
3. the more time off i take, the more i feel empowered that these permanent changes will not disappear, and so, i have not felt a strong desire to return to hyperspace. the message i have been getting is, "when we need to show you more, we will call you." but for the record- if and when that call comes, i will ALWAYS answer it. i have nothing but positivity, love and gratitude for DMT. it is a sacred gift.
4. in only three weeks of concerted effort to 'get hungry' again, i was able to reclaim my cycling mojo and win the california state crit championships for the third year in a row! first win of the season....i guess that would be a good one to start with!
5. like chal said in his wonderful post, i feel that my life has too many obligations and distractions to walk around fully enlightened at all times. the times when i felt the closest, i was spending all day in my house with my phones turned off, my computer unplugged, etc. i was withdrawing from this world which may not be a 'bad' thing, but certainly would not be able to last longer than a month or so before my landlady came a-knockin' to ask for her rent check...
to truly live in both worlds.....it would be more like a 90%-10% split really.....and even THAT would be tough. i once met a former zen buddhist monk while living in berkeley, ca. he had been a zen monk for over 20 years and then left and got married. i remember that i still tried to defer to him as a zen monk or at the very least someone with that kind of insight and wisdom. he got irritated with me at one point and said, "don't you get it? if being 'in the moment' is all that is real, then the moment i stopped being a zen monk, it was as if i had never been one. the past does not exist!"
that was very eye-opening for me.
as westerners, we want our cake and eat it to. we want to be enlightened, but then we want to go around and interact with others as enlightened beings. even if our intentions are pure and we simply just want to help others with what we've acquired, THIS world is not set up to support an attitude of non-attachment. the only environment that really is is the proverbial cave...
Chal- i too lived in a community. i wasn't raised there, but i went when i was a teen to stay on the zendik farm when i was out in east san diego. i left when they packed up and moved out to texas. their ideas of 'subvert the dominant paradigm' and 'living off the grid and in a more connected way' were exactly as you described. utopian on paper, but in reality i never felt like i was spiritually freer. in fact, i was more in my own mind than ever. i simply was not ready to live like that yet.
and i suppose at this point i'm still not.
DMT is not a shortcut to enlightenment. for me, DMT is a portal to other dimensions of existence. it is capable of allowing the essence of a being to leave it's corporeal form and experience different frequencies, channels, levels, planes of consciousness. but that is not enlightenment. not to me.
in the last handful of months of working with the molecule, i was guided over and over to no longer allow what i 'saw' to distract me. i was instructed by beings from many other dimensions to do exactly as i would do in my own dimension. to meditate. to focus on a center. a light. a source from which all consciousness emanates. i would take large doses and sit in a lotus position with my hands in specific position. i would view through my third eye. i would leave this world but i would not allow my focus to be broken...
everything i have ever seen and then some would come to me. i would not focus on any of it. i would see a blinding white light that i knew was coming from my third eye. it would grow and consume everything that came forth. it was where all things came from and where all things returned. it was source.
to be there. in THAT place. that place of no place. the beginning and the ending of all creation. to be at peace in that place and surrender all attachment to this physical expression. that is enlightenment to me. the truth of all truths. once you have heard it, how can you ever allow your ears to endure a single lie?
this is the price for the sneak peek we get to have with DMT. a glance at the mountain top....it is a wonderful compliment to a life based on doing good and helping others and yourself. there is nothing wrong with taking the periodic glance at the golden temple you are slowly making your way up to. i will always embrace the wonderful gift of vision that DMT gives. however, it now sits along side my nova-dreamer, my membership at the float tank center, my hour of daily meditation, my conscious attention to a righteous diet, my daily exercise, my being of service to others and my commitment to see all beings as buddha's constantly offering hints and gifts leading toward my ultimate transformation.
when i am ready to let this material world go...when i am at peace with having 'done' what i needed to do to feel finished.....then i most certainly plan on getting my cave on. it seems so bizarre to me that this entire life should be spent trying to not be a part of this life. at this point in my life, it makes more sense to me that we are here to have it all. this 'planet of the children'. we (most of us) are meant to live in this world, to do righteous and meritorious deeds and THEN seek to align ourselves with a oneness that is coming to claim us at that point anyways.
it's like mom dropped us off at school and we've got about 80 years or so to play with our fellow classmates before she comes to pick us back up. while here, i plan on being a proper kid- going crazy (in a good way), playing with all of the neat things here, sharing with everyone, being kind to everyone, helping others when i can...
....and when i know the day is almost done and i'm gonna get picked up soon, i will clean up, put the toys back in their place, say goodbye to my friends with love and gratitude, and shift my focus on the cozy warmth of the home to which i will soon be returning and the love that warms it.
WITH THE DEEPEST LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!
"Rise above the illusion of time and you will have tomorrow's
wisdom today."