You are asking the right questions...keep asking and the answers will be revealed to you. It takes a while to integrate this new profound awareness and knowledge into a new mode of being.

i get it man

im there too

i switch between living with the joy of the experiences to being angry and frustrated with our hollow culture
i hate society and want to live in the woods as nomadically as possible, yet id like to have some cultured vegetables

im a plants person now, not people

years of my life now ive alienated myself, how can anyone be on the same mental level if they are ingorant of themselves, and if they are trippers i find im a b it of a psychedelic snob.



humans piss me off man
if you want a partner lemme know

Thanks for sharing, House. I can't add much in the way of advice except to say your posts do have a special touch; I like to think some of the magic of people comes through even in online posts, and I felt your magic from the first post of yours.

At certain difficult times I have interfaced with a professional therapist and most of these interactions have been very positive, though I've yet to have a positive interaction with a drug-prescribing psychiatrist; I too hope people on here will keep open to the option of professional assistance.

Also I hope I'm not being too overbearing or suggestive...but have you ever used the I Ching? I find it helpful in revealing more about present circumstances in my life - sometimes it will teach me to look at a circumstance in my life under a different angle, from a different light, to see it almost for the first time. It's another resource that has come in handy for me, and it can be accessed for free online.

I look forward to reading about how your situation evolves over the coming months. Peace and thanks for your generous and helpful writings.

House, please always feel free to share.

House,

Love, light, and hugs!!

I have been through some crazy times... about six months ago I crawled out of the hole from a near-nervous breakdown (collapsing from crying uncontrollably and waking up on the kitchen floor at 3am). I had basically opened the business of my dreams and the investor fucked me, long story short.

I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I couldn't go back to working an empty job where my heart did not exist. I had no idea what I was going to do with my finances. I lost everything...

Long long story short... a mere six months later... I am moving into the most beautiful place to live. I have a wonderful job (not my own business), I'm coming formally out of all the debt I incurred, I have the most beautiful circle of friends, my body is in awesome shape, I have more freedom to work with the spice, I am SO BLESSED.

I can't understand why we have to go THROUGH the things we do sometimes to get to a better place. The important thing to remember is that you are going THROUGH IT and THERE IS A BETTER PLACE! Everything is in waves... nothing is forever... Breathe, trust, and pray...

I used to get physically ill just at the mention of the place. Now I have nothing but peace... and so many blessings.

Sometimes life gets stormy. The weather has been crappy this month. But one of the things I remember learning as a child... "April showers bring May flowers."

Sending much love. I will always lend an ear.

(Love the Volta... but don't defect. )

a number of years ago i came across a post card a friend had been given, on it was a phrase that has stuck with me for a long time now so it must be good, right?, the picture was unimportant it was the idea that words caught in me, it read...

"ONE OF THE GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENTS IN LIFE IS TO BLUR THE LINES BETWEEN WORK AND PLAY"

I feel you..... i really do, iv been in similar situations in my life and eventually balance was restored, Im not exactly sure how, but it did and continues to as situations arise, im sure there was more than one contributing factor but i definitely know i had to personally help the process along... when it comes down to it we have to make the most of the situations we are in, because i mean what the fuck else are you going to do, know what i mean....

and then there's the busy work for the hands.... i make arts for self and garden, creating makes me happy... neither pay the bills but sometime they help...

remember that NY Times article that was recently floating around, well i really liked the quote the older guy who participated in the study said...

“It was a whole personality shift for me. I wasn’t any longer attached to my performance and trying to control things. I could see that the really good things in life will happen if you just show up and share your natural enthusiasms with people.”

I know you got some real nice gooooooood feelins in you buddy, i seen em'... Im sure you can remember how to shine em.....


and sorry for this but you know....

"Before Enlightenment chop wood carry water,
after Enlightenment, chop wood carry water."

... oh that Zen ...



hang in there kitten'

I've got no advice for you, dear, very excellent friend, Mr House: just lots of love.

They show you the infinite wonder, let you suck deep from the hot juice of the universe's arterial consciousness; explain multidimensional geometry in nanosecond, and download into you the necessity of clear intent; and yoga. Excellent. Glorious. Wonderful.

And then you wake up back in the monkey cage.

But you will never be in a cage again.

i feel you. truly. ms. munki and i have recently split up and i am in a swirling miasm of heartbreak. money is always a stress...hell...i don't know ANYONE who isn't feeling the crunch right now. after a stellar season last year, a bunch of new sponsors jumped on board and dumped over $100,000 into my team to support me this year.

i haven't won a single race so far....and the truth is that i'm having a hard time 'getting it up' to be competitive. i'm simply heading down a completely different path. spice has lead me to this path.

so, i am just letting you know that i, too, am fighting a battle my friend. it is SO HARD to engage in petty interaction and talk about things that i no longer feel matter. i have been opened and awakened. must i now proceed to renounce the entirety of my former life and go live in a cave with nothing but a loincloth and a beggar's bowl?? as extreme as that sounds, it's a more viable option than ever going back to anything 'deathculture' related...

hang in there my dear poet brother. in every moment we have so much to be grateful for. whenever i start getting down i immediately break down my life into individual moments...and in each one i say, "in this moment, i have MORE than i need." try it....it's always true!

you are a beautiful soul. you are beautiful for your courage to even share your pain and fear with us. now sit back and read how we all share your burden and how we all carry you when you have grown too weary to walk. you have a true family here that cares for you. you are not alone.

WITH THE DEEPEST LOVE AND GRATITUDE

This is why we need the Nexus conventions, already.



We are all here together!! This is a heavy year of change for everyone.

I'm not quite on the page of the loincloth... I'd much prefer fig leaves (they're cute, fuzzy, and what do you know, I have a fig tree~!). But, I literally gave away 1/2 if not more of my possessions this weekend, still have more to get rid of and a car to sell. I tore apart my wardrobe: what don't I wear? "Yeah, well, my dad gave me this." SO? "Yeah, well, I used to need these to get a bartending job." I'm not ever going to do that again, so WTF am I keeping these for? ALL these books I'm never going to read again, but looked "great" on my shelf. All the little pieces from my childhood... the vintage gaming systems... the TV, the DVD player... stuffed animals, broken old favorite chair... HOCKED or donated ALL OF IT this Thursday or Friday.

And got enough cash from the vintage trade-ins for my Ayahuasca tattoo. Yep. I'm getting a tattoo, too.

I feel like the more I release, the more space I create for new things to grow. I feel a restless, serious kind of upheaval right now, too, though I'm expressing it differently (manically? ). La Purga Brava, in 3D.

At the very least, the world is far too interesting to give up on, yet. We are born in very interesting and pivotal times, all things considered.

There are ways to get around supporting the death culture... They are not always lucrative, but by the very nature of a positive energetic engagement, it will protect you. I am going to save SO MUCH MONEY by walking everywhere! It's great for my body. Now that I have mentally committed to walking, I see how much of a menace to life (animals, other people driving, cyclists, the environment, my own personal energy in such a stressful situation, my body atrophying as I sit and perform repetitive motions, etc.) driving is. A year ago I would have been scared shitless and found 123590823030 excuses not to let go.

One of my good friends quit her job today, too. Another one of my friends is about to pack up and leave to backpack across Europe. You are definitely, definitely not alone.

Growing pains. Not quite sure what it all means yet, or what we may be growing into, but I'm too intrigued to not stick around and find out. I feel hopeful, for all of us.

I was talking to my friend before she quit today, and we were just discussing our "temporary plans" about how to make money and get by until society changes and we don't have to waste our lives doing pointless things anymore. It's coming.

Ant

My heart goes out to you my friend... <3


Much Peace and Sunshine

Well, it doesn't necessary have to be that way... Have you seen K-Pax?

Why not let it loose in a good way? Give yourself openly to that other person. And if he/she is not really interested? Just doing it for the money perhaps? No problem. You just give yourself, and maybe you can turn the whole situation into light, by miracle a true dialogue may unfold. Who knows? Perhaps it will be you who will help that professional...

YES. YES. YES.

Learning to love them: one of the most difficult task.

Once a Buddhist teacher told me I don't get too far from the Truth if I handle every person I meet as a potential Buddha. As if I were the only one in the world who is not enlightened yet, and all the other people were here playing their part in a secret conspiracy designed to lead me towards enlightenment. It's quite an interesting thing to inspect the world from this perspective. Everything takes a 180 degree turn.

Have you seen the anime series "Serial Experiments: Lain"? If not, watch it. Lots of related wisdom there.

I once found myself in a grocery store. Joined the line, waiting for my turn. While waiting, I was watching the people standing in the line before me. Just curious, what these people are like. After "scrutinizing" them for a while, I felt a change inside me: the rigid, perfectionist dictator morphed into a loving, gentle man, because I found that there was *not any one there* who could not be loved. They were kind of perfect as they were. So why am I keeping up this separation? It must be me who is insane. I thought I can love, but in truth, I was dying.

between cellux's writing, house's orginial post, minx's contribution and..well...EVERYONE ELSE'S chiming in on this thread, i have come to the following conclusion:

we are all one. you have ALL said things, thought things, considered things that i myself have. your struggles and epiphanies are so relatable to my own it's like reading little notes i've left myself hidden around my house.

...hehehe....around my 'house'....

house my brother! i am you as you are me!! you know i love you and am always here for you. that goes for ALL of you. if ANY of you find yourself in the L.A. area, you are cordially invited to come sit with me beneath the sacred liquid amber tree in the park....or in the healing room....or anywhere.

house, this is especially directed at you right now. if you want to get away from things and get your head clear, have some good conversation, do some healing work and spend time with a brother (not to mention the rest of the L.O.V.E. brigade who will embrace you with open arms) COME ON DOWN!!

helping one another on this most courageous of paths we are on....it is the shining reminder of why i love myself. of why i love the world.

LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!

I read your initial post that started this and scanned through the rest, sorry if I get redundant. I honestly feel your pain. What you describe, I have lived soo many times. I am in a pretty stable place in life at this moment.

My advice for you is to put your association with the molecules aside for a while. box it up and put it away.

Set and setting!

you say you havent broken through in months. Thats probably a good thing. Set and setting. You have to some how figure out a way to get your physical human life on track so that your mind set is condusive to persuing your spiritual journey. You have to stabilize your physical human setting in order to stabilize your mindset so that it is condusive to persuing your spiritual journey.

Mind, body, and spirit ..... Together, but, in that order. IMHO. It works for me.

Put the molecules away. They will serve you better when you have the set and setting taken care of. You can cut out allot of stress by letting go of the molecules and prioritizing things in your life.

You cannot make it a priority as long as your set and setting is out of whack. To try and pursue this while you have these issues is futile and it will most likely cause you problems if you try and hammer it in there.

Start from the ground up. Strart a new routine. I reccomend getting up every morning, early and take a walk a physical walk through your physical area of operations, where you live. Areas where you shop, bank, socialize. Look at everything as you cover ground and ask yourself what is your role there and is there potentially another role you could play there is there a role you would like to play there. Have you been there before. How did that feel?

What I am saying is, get re familliarized with that which is the physical human life that is you. Get yourself grounded. Get back to your physical human roots.

No one knows like you know and what you know.

It's time to reset and start over, so you can pick up the pieces and re establish that comfortable set and setting you once knew.

You must get out and interact and ground yourself in the physical human word in order to get youself back on track.

With time, opportunity will knock, that opportunity which will allow you get back on track.

It takes work. You did it once before obviously. You have the skills to do it again.

Good luck

Hmmm.... What a lot of Nexians that don't feel like they can fit in "consensus reality" or whatever the term du jour for the rest of the world is these days.

Makes me wonder if I should stop smoking before I get bitter.

I fully agree with IceHouseShaman House. Time for a break. It's hard enough to stay positive when going through periods of transition like you are. No need to make it more difficult.

Pokey

I love you house.

Phew I know how you feel House, this 3d existence can be soo heavy... I'm in such a period myself, on the brink of bankruptcy for months and doing backbreaking brainless work to pay the bills and keep the ruthless banks off bay. Absurd work: opening boxes, put stickers onto the contents, close them up. Emtying containers, sweeping 20000 square meters of floor, etc It's survival... but from a positive viewpoint I did meet some interesting people and it made me tougher. I'm waiting with serious ntheogenic work until the water quiet down a bit, but to me the occasional sub-breakthrough or low dose mushroom can be very helpful and consoling.

Good luck to you and all Nexians having a hard time!

The best thing you can change is in your immediate surroundings, I believe. The people you interact with, the things you do. Like ripples in a pond... love spreads.

You will find your way bro.

I've been fortunate in my life to have friends in recovery. Friends who were open to bringing me to meetings with them, not because they felt I needed it, but because they wanted to share something intimate about their lives so our relationships as friends could grow deeper. Much to my surprise, I found there are some guiding principles in recovery programs that anyone, not just addicts, can identify with. I have absorbed some of them into personal philosophies that I will carry with me forever and I am grateful for my unexpected exposure to them.

Above all, the most powerful of these tools is the serenity prayer. Exchange the first word: 'god' with whatever you want. The important point is that it is a plea to something outside of you. Making that plea is an acknowledgment that we are not the master controllers and shouldn't take the weight of that responsibility alone. We are a conduit for the universe which passes through us. Humbly seeking its guidance frees us from that weight, allowing us to focus on what we can actually achieve.

"God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things that I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference."

and a secular version of William Spence's addition to this:

"To live one day at a time;
Enjoy one moment at a time;
Accept the hardships as natural balance;
Taking this beautiful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting in the balance;
That I may be able to see myself as happy in this life."

Don't worry, I'm not suggesting you go to meetings. Your sentiments simply reminded me of a familiar headspace which is often mellowed by the aforementioned prayer.

Best wishes on this phase of your journey and remember that this too will pass.