Hey team.
There have been lots of wild voyages in my absence, but I wanted to share a few photos from my travels that were particularly poignant, or raised some provocative questions:
-When DMT makes a person scream: My best girlfriend and I have had a fair number of journeys together. I love her because she is a total EXPLORER in spirit, and is on her own path of seeking the medicine of her own accord. We bicycle to the underworld together, she doesn't just ride along on my handlebars.
One day, while a 20 liter of pot of Ayahuasca was snap-crackle-popping on the stove, we set up some crystals (including a giant fluorite crystal ball), blankets on the floor, and prepared for a changa blastoff. I always stay behind until all others depart safely, and then go ahead myself. After breaking through (color shift of room, opening of extra dimensions in the ceiling), I saw my friend sit up in a nautilus spiral of energy. I kept an eye on her, but she was just sitting, so I waited and figured things were still okay: she opened her mouth, and I swear to god she spit out THE SACRED MARIRI, and then dove halfway beneath the sofa and started screaming bloody murder.
Nevermind I had just broken through completely: when I do hold space with others, every time something happens--and thank god--my experience aborts and I am SUPERFOCUSED and perfectly physically able to tend to the situation. I leapt to her side, rested my hands on her back, and just sort of rubbed her like one would comfort a crying child, speaking calmly, grounding her. The energy settled, and she eventually settled: it felt like I was literally expending all of my energy to maintain her physical form. I couldn't take my hands off her body, or she would have dissolved: I fought to keep her form intact.
When she finally came down, she was exhilerated. Her entire body was glowing as if she were made of light, completely iridescent (I was alert, grounded, sober in mind, but vision was still extremely tryptamine-expanded). She said she had released a birth trauma, met Death, and spent the entire affair in the next room. She was quite confused to realize that she was at the couch and not hiding under her desk.
Hail Eris: her boyfriend, roommate, landlady living downstairs, and the people who lived upstairs were all NOT HOME. The house was empty. Thank god it happened to someone I know can truly hold her own. It was also a powerful test for me: can I really handle sharing the sacrament when things go completely out of control?
This was also a bit of a serious realization: even though we were both fine and knew we were both fine, understood, had prepared for, and honored the experience, had a curious first-timer smoked the spice and witnessed something of that magnitude, any potential onlooker with only lukewarm instead of diehard interest in probing the deepest reaches of the soul most likely would have been ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED and thought the spice was doing serious harm, simply by watching one girl try to crawl beneath a very low sofa and scream her fucking guts out. So happy that happened with her for the first time...
-My new Chiropractor is a giant mantis. He stuck his mantis pointy arm things into my body and made huge ribbons of light shoot everywhere. My physical body vibrated in correspondence. Even got the teeth chatters.
-Rotating day-glo cubes: Seriously, what are these? Strassman mentions them in The Spirit Molecule, too. Are they basic units of information inside DNA? Or what? Very weird. I've been seeing a lot of them.
-Ancestral humans: Lush forest greens, ocean blues, orchid purples, fiery oranges, blood red, the vivid, iridescent tryptamine colorscape. Bare feet in the warm, wet earth, sitting beneath enormous trees, singing in ecstasy. "This is how we used to live." Remember. Must remember. Must ALLOW the earth to support us if we are to continue to live. Trust like children.
-I am a flea and the Nature of Consciousness: Never have I been simultaneously SO EXHILARATED by and made SO INDIFFERENT to the notion of being alive. Consciousness is ever-transforming, always moving, seeking, exploring itself, dancing, playing with itself. A boundless desire to feel, to know, to experience, to form. Roots, cells, mycelium networks, are all just like trails made in the sky by jets as pure consciousness explores itself in every form. This is what composes my body. This is the thrill of electricity as it shoots through my brain. This is the unbridled ecstasy of the ocean as it pounds against the shore, learning, feeling, knowing itself. I am the same, as all of nature. Everything within me, excitement, exploration, I am the world, and it is fierce, pure, unadulterated magic to be alive.
Yet, humans are simply one tiny exploration of consciousness as it builds and grows through countless systems and incarnations, and human civilization one even smaller expression of the great mind playing with itself: we are nothing. We are no big deal. This is literally... just another phase of the infinite consciousness as it explores itself.
I felt like a flea, well, an exhilarated flea.
-Mama Aya has been working very hard at scrubbing out my brain.
-I have the flexibility of a five year old after smoking changa. CONSISTENTLY. I can do yoga for an hour or two before a ceremony, and it will not loosen me up a fraction of what the molecule does for me. I am able, in the afterglow, learning to perform more and more impressive stunts. I can stand on my head. I am so stable, pliable. There is absolutely no resistance anywhere in my body--it's like I can do with my body what I did with my language capacity the night I spoke in tongues. Everything becomes completely plastic. Why can I use my body SO MUCH MORE EFFECTIVELY and FREELY with the molecule? Always? I told the harlequins I want to be an acrobat, and mark my words, I will be doing multiple handsprings across my backyard before the end of summer. Movement, strength, agility, none of these have anything to do with physical training, I dare say. It is literally all in the mind. Why do our minds become so stiff as we age?
-Interesting side note: I quit playing the guitar in my teens because I felt like I was getting too old to learn new things. It was just too hard for me to comprehend. Same reason I dropped out of math and science classes in school. I felt myself getting old and retarded. I picked up the guitar for jokes again a few weeks ago, and it was *SO EASY.* I haven't touched anything musical in a while, and all I can say is, my mind is so clean and supple, compared to times before I started regularly working with Aya and DMT. I used to be good at the guitar, but as I got older, I got worse: so having the experience of my mind just grabbing chords and progressions and fingerings like no big deal drove home just how far I have subtly shifted from doing this work. (My singing is also 100x more amazing in the afterglow of smoking, though, same as with yoga.)
-I wonder if I should start up some kung fu again, and then practice animal forms in my free time after a good smoke...
-The brain, DMT, and REM dreaming: I mentioned in another post, one night I dreamed of thousands of serpents crawling all over my bedroom floor. Next time I drank Ayahuasca in my bedroom, I literally saw the exact same serpents. I saw them while sleeping and while drinking. I was lucid both times.
I had another REM dream a few nights ago, all in black in white, where I was frolicking through a forest. Between two trees, a long, double-helix-twisted vine was suspended, and glowed a BRIGHT RED. The vine was the only thing in color. "The vine of souls!" I cried. A loud voice bellowed, "COME DIE WITH ME TONIGHT." Yes, Mama. (I actually drank the night after because my food was not digesting properly the day before, and have some very strong vine at the moment that brings a wicked purge.)
In another dream, I went and checked my email, only to receive a message that, said--literally--as I type this, "Got cha. Nga!"
-Maybe this deserves another topic on its own, since I see it so much here, but THE PHANTOM SMELL. When it is time, I SMELL AYA, and I SMELL CHANGA. In bizarre times and places. Like opening the dishwasher at work, or doing a headstand outside. (Maybe... it's a sign of endogenous production? like becoming aware of neuroelectricity and other bodily smells?)
-Since all of This Weirdness, great things have been happening in yoga. On off-days from the spice (I wish my yields were better or there would be less
), days when I am completely sober, when I practice yoga poses "given" to me by the spice (all inversions), I can produce a carrier wave that starts in the right side of my head. It's not all-encompassing, but I can produce it fairly consistently without the help of spice. Same thing kundalini unfurling (when the fire releases, it feels like dropping a Jacob's Ladder down my spine), and, haha, strange orgasms. Usually before anything weird happens, it feels like SOMETHING ELSE grabs me, corrects my body posture, I receive a celestial adjustment, and then energy flows everywhere like crazy.
Some things will come easy, some will be a test