Hello,

With the help of Nemo, the Nexus, changa and the VaporGenie, I have been easing myself back into the spice realms. I have come very close to giving it up completely - even as near as less than a week ago. Sometimes the work seems to be so draining and I start to wonder . . .

I believe I am beginning to learn something about myself and my relation to DMT. Cycles. Cycles. Cycles. And now, Spring and a new cycle approach . . .

I now feel that I can face a breakthrough dose. I am going to ride changa with the VaporGenie all the way into the breakthrough space very soon . . .

Yesterday, I had an extremely positive non-breakthrough experience that resulted in little more than a memory of an exquisitely beautiful, indescribable, endlessly layered, endlessly varying, pulsating pattern, vaguely like (yet unlike) the Mandlebrot set in its nature yet also inherently feminine in its shape. Each layer radiated vibrancy, beauty, life and energy.

Today, I thought I might be able to try for a breakthrough. I did a bit of pre-dosing for me, which definately opens the doors but does not induce visual effects. Visuals seem to take a decent dose, though once I am there, oh boy. So, I went in with DMT already in my brain and took two decent GVG hits on my 1/2 strength (coward's blend) changa . . . and lay back.

Immediately greeted by flashy, in-your-face entities, neon colored with a black background. But, they were cat entities. For me, a crazy cat-lady, this is a very, very welcoming sign. I went through a struggle where I had to pull out about 1/2 of my difficult-tripping tactics repetoire. But, the flashy, pushy, kitties, kept sending welcoming vibes and tried to lead me through an entryway. Once I got through my concerns fell by the wayside, as did the kitties. This was not a breakthrough but it was hectic DMT visuals.

There was a living, cartoon-like building. It was a building, but also a body, with arms, legs and a smiling face. There was some sort of unremberable entity standing at the base of this building. The building welcomed me into itself, but not via a door or window. Rather, via opening an exterior corner. Think of the outside of a building where the walls meet to form a protruding right angle. Think of this opening up inwardly and all of the sharp angles going round. Upon entering the building I was immediately shown the same pattern as the previous night - the endlessly layered, fantastically intricate and beautiful pattern, though this time it was not in the shape of a woman. Then, the scene changed.

I believe this is because the music changed. A flute-heavy selection came on and I was in a deep blue space where a building was being constructed by the flute music. It was spinning itself into being. In front of this building, which I sensed was some sort of theater or playhouse, were small, playful entities. They held little playbills or maps with spinning, ever-changing (as the building was) images of the building on them. They kept trying to show me these "maps." This worked and I lost my attention on the building. Soon, I felt this scene becoming 2-D and pale and my perspective floated above it.

I never felt completely launched from my body, but I did feel myself return to control of my breathing, which actually felt very comfortable for almost all of the experience. Either comfortable or forgotten. Delightful.

Coming out of that, I felt I was not yet ready for the breakthrough dose. "It's so intense in there," I said to Nemo Amicus. Soon though, . . . soon. . . .

Thank you everyone for your invaluable help and support.

Peace & Love,
Pandora

I envision Pandora with a sword made of rainbow crystalline feedback fortified with a smirk in her right hand.
This is what I wanted to tell you as I read and explored this awesome saga.

wow pandora I've been off meds for over a year and maintaining pretty well thanks to spice and ayahuasca.
I was in therapy off and on for many years.
Now i run my own therapy session once a week with the spice teacher. All I can say is its helping and thats what matters. Its not easy sometimes but I keep trying.

I had a bad couple of days spiraling into a depression freefall. WIth no other place to turn I pulled out the VG today to try and break the pattern. I usually don't do that , I always try to wait to be in a "good" headspace to do it. This time I couldn't wait so I tried some low doses then cautiously eased into a slightly stronger one. Well all I can say is it helped and snapped me out of the funk to put it simply. Within a matter of an hour the dark cloud had lifted and I saw things in a better light.

what a strange thing it is to be in that crazy place looking at weird textures and all the bizarre things that go along with that place. Then to feel better afterwards. Its so unexplainable wow....

Thank you for this

I'm happy that all is good with you again Pandora.

I'm a cat person too, and am dominated by a young Siamese miss. I love all cats though, especially leopards. Big Cat Diary is my #1 show. Therefore, I'm absolutely delighted to read of your encounter with cat entities. The first time I've ever heard someone mention such creatures. Seems that a lot of people see reptiles and snakes, which might say much about their psyche, but I don't know - there is something about your psyche Pandora, that simply resonates with me. Your descriptions of God machines, living buildings, and now beautiful cat entities - I like your hyperspace Pandora!

Good luck and vibes on your journey.
I also find that the spice kinda throws me. After many experiences w/ many other substances I discovered that nothing can prepare one for the spice. I have tried it 10-20 times and while the pre-flight jitters are slowly going away and becoming less of a factor but I still don't use it as often as I feel I should or imagine I would as DMT should be exactly the type of substance I always thought I would want.
I am sure that you will come out fine and that my fears will fade and hopefully I will breakthrough someday soon as well!

I am definitely thinking along the lines of making some infused herb/changa and I see that you are planning on using same.
I'll watch this thread for updates. Let me know what herb(s) used and amount of goodness. Can't wait to hear how your journey goes.