Hello. New here and new to DMT. I am a highly educated middle aged professional, single. I have a job with a lot of responsibility and stress and a fairly poor social life, but I dont have to really worry about money. I generally feel like I have wasted my life, and it is now too late to change. On paper I am respectable enough, and I am good at what I do, but I have no wife or kids, few friends, and I am at an age where I dont feel much will change at this point.

I have smoked 3 times, always alone, and have had negative experiences each time. The first time, after smoking, I opened my eyes and my apartment was immediately cartoonish. Everything was still there, but it looked slick, plastic, and fake. It felt uncomfortable and ominous. I was struck with the fact that I opened my eyes and the apartment was totally different in a way I didnt expect. No complex geometry or fractals as described by many, and no flowing visuals as typical with other psychedelics. I just opened my eyes and everything was switched to a plastic, stylized version of my usual reality. Hard to believe that my mind created the change, as it was instant, and not something I was expecting, and the way the apartment became stylized had nothing to do with how I usually think or perceive things. Like some other entity was messing with me.

The second trip was a lot more intense, and took place in a different location, a new place I bought and will be moving to. It was sort of like being in an archaic video game, although I dont remember much in the way of visuals, more just feel. I remember speed. It was as if unseen entities were showing how effortlessly they could rip me apart, with each movement occurring instantly, hitting me from one side and then another, the way blocks move instantly in Tetris, by jumping from space to space in frames, as opposed to continuous movement. Sort of how an untrained boxer might feel, getting pummeled from all sides by a professional fighter, not knowing where the blows were even coming from, only instead of my body being pulverized by punches I couldn’t even see, it was my mind. I was being killed and crushed, playfully and effortlessly, with a soundtrack/ambiance reminiscent of a high tech pac man/Tetris game. Blindingly fast, but also methodical in a way. There were extremely strong negative emotions, associated with it. Sort of like, “ok, you dont like life and want to escape with drugs? You will die now like a junkie, and we will break you into pieces as cleanly and easily as if you were a glass pipe or video game character. We will break you apart like we dismantle computer code, and we will do it with a smile.” My death as a druggie loser would be accompanied by a cute little jingle, something like what you might hear when the ghosts catch up to pac man. It seemed like an intelligent other was doing this to me, but I didnt see them. On the comedown things appeared visually with eyes open like a strong mushroom trip. The third time was similar to the second, but not quite as strong.

All these experiences seemed very intense, the second most of all, and involved none of the typical elements I have read about in breakthrough experiences. I did not see fractalized geometry, the chrysanthemum, geometric temples, elves, source, or ego death. I just felt like something wanted to show me how easily I could be ripped apart, and I got the feeling that to “them” it was just a sadistic joke.

I have been under a lot of stress lately, and I did not prepare for these experiences in any way, like I have done with mushrooms in the past. Perhaps I am being shown that if I come to this without the proper respect and prep, I wont be let in, and that I am offending the entities by approaching them in such a casual manner, or perhaps they just dont like me and are telling me that if I try to proceed I will be destroyed. Of course it could just be my subconscious, but it feels alien.

Has anyone had similar experiences? I will likely try again after some prep, in a better mental state, but if I manage to fully achieve breakthrough level doses, I am worried about what might happen. I would love to experience the positive, life changing aspects so many talk about, see the beautiful visuals of hyperspace, and meet healing entities, aquire knowledge, and learn about how to improve my life, but so far I have just felt like a tortured lab rat, for which the entities have nothing but bemused contempt.

Hello to you too ! Thanks for sharing. I’m new here too. I’m cautiously exploring these realms again. I’m taking it slow with weeks between forays. In between I’m avidly reading about other peoples experiences. I suppose one positive thing about these “bad” trips is that they don’t last eight hours ! The voice of caution would say take a break from this area of inquiry and do something fun in the more mundane realms. Take care of yourself. Get a nice massage, lol.

Best wishes,

Yeah, Im definitely going to take a break, and get to a more stable place in life before trying again. Still, while I am left with a sense of dread, fear, and sadness, I also have a great curiosity. I want to know why I was treated this way. I want an explanation, and I want to confront these intelligences that seem to have cast themselves as my enemies.

I have had death like experiences on mushrooms before, but they were very different. I saw myself dying and shriveling up like a man succumbing to the elements in the desert, and some other things too, but in those experiences, it seemed more natural. I experienced the process of dying in ways that I would imagine any animal would experience death from starvation or dehydration, in an earthy, natural way. Other times I could see myself appear at different ages in a mirror. Still, it did not feel orchestrated by an “other,” and it was not so alien. The DMT death was so much more fear inducing. Mechanical, computerized, game like, but more horrifying. I would turn from one side to look away from death, only to have it instantly greet me more intensely from the other side, to the sound of game like beeps or clicks, all while feeling that I was being played with like a computerized cat would toy with it’s prey, until finally it was game over.

you just answered your own question except it isnt the entities you are offending it is yourself you are offending on a deeper level you are not in contact with so it feels alien, and the entities become metaphors as a way to describe the self.

i like to think of it as like our ego undergoing this process like an A/B extraction and the beginning trips with DMT can be thought of as the acidification stage of our ego. it can be painful and used to be referred to as a shamanic dismemberment to allow your body to get ready to enter these realms. it can be a shock to the body jumping from one reality to the next instantly.

if you begin to start replacing the word DMT or hyperspace, or trip, or "they", or entity with the word "self" when describing a problem with your experience it will begin to shed a lot of light on why you are feeling the way you do. it is why this is such a therapeutic substance because DMT is only a reflection of the self.

i obviously dont know anything at the end of the day and all experiences are to each their own and subjective but just sharing my personal observations with psychedelic experiences in general not just DMT this could be said for a lot of things actually DMT and psychedelics are only some of the many endless different ways to represent this. consciousness in general is of the self and we are of consciousness experiencing that.


but to answer your question more directly, Yes i have had a lot of uncomfortable experiences with DMT and still do, but i can usually always direct something about the trip to leading back to something im neglecting or not taking care of in my own life. i tend to spread my sessions out now though and wait for it to call out to me which usually only happens when i am working on myself or taking the lessons from the last lesson from the trip and the thoughts like you just expressed to yourself right now and then actually putting it into reality to change my life for the better, its as if the DMT wants to work with you but you gotta meet it halfway. this molecule wants the best for you but it has an interesting way of going about that and its not always the typical "all encompassing eternal love" theme to instill these lessons, sounds like you are on the beginning and start of an amazing journey and maybe a better time and mindset for you will present itself at some point.


but in the meantime try to be kind to yourself


safe travels


shamanic dismemberment



"Dismemberment in traditional shamanic cultures can be violent and scary(by Western standards) and is often an acted-out ritual "killing" or wounding performed in real-time by the community to ground the person's other-worldly and psycho-spiritual abilities into physical reality. In modern culture however, this most often happens in a dream state, an intentional journey state or ceremonial trance state, and it tends to occur once a person has already begun a shamanic or other spiritual healing practice, developed some relationship with helpful spirits and has some knowledge of what to expect. However, since I've been finding that dismemberment is occurring with novices at an increasing rate, especially during this time of deep transition, I feel moved to note this trend so it can be approached with the benefit of some awareness."


"This process of dismemberment strips away attachment to and over-identification with form as being the initiatory, primary mover of life—as well as to the consensual limiting beliefs about physicality—and also to one’s personal identity, perceptual filters, needs, agendas and biases, With this stripping away, the individual gains more freedom from the restrictive, conditioned belief systems and inherited energies from limiting ancestral and cultural thought-forms, and also can embody more conscious energetic knowledge about the ways of both wounding and reintegration; the nature and origin of pain and loss, and how, where and when it can be transmuted. Another outcome of a dismemberment is that a person will be transformed in such a way as to be able to provide space for more of their own innate spiritual power as well as increase their capacity to apply the great power of the spirits not merely on behalf of their own lives but especially those of their community, the Earth and those to come"


2nd shamanic dismemberment article


"Classically shamanic dismemberment is thought to be by animal. Strange dreams or visions of animals devouring or pulling apart the physical form until it becomes nothingness.

From there it can be reformed, re-membered, and when this occurs the initiation is complete. A new self occurs, a new perspective, a new way of being in the world.

Shamanic dismemberment most simply defined is dreams or visions of being physically dismembered (eaten, torn apart) as a form of initiation.

The result is a considerable ego death, in which parts of self that were dis-eased (mind, body, and/or spirit) are removed and a restoration of health occurs.

However shamanic dismemberment is not limited to visions or dreams of animal attacks, but also of encounters with the elements (being dissolved, torn apart, cut apart, dying) or of other encounters that serve the same purpose."

I think you already got some well thought replies. But I just want to add that DMT trips on it's own in my experience is often very alien and can hard to integrate or even relate to. They can be also amazingly foreign and 'home' at the same time. It's like our imagination is enhanced and speed up many many times. And I think our imagination, as well as our dreams, do relate to our state of mind (and where ones minds starts and ends in time and space is a whole other question in it self). So even if things feels un-relatable that might still be seeds in the experience that can be teachings.

But what I was going to write was that I wonder if you have thought about using an MAOI, like Syrian Rue? To extend, slow down and in my experiences make the experiences more relatable on a personal level. Syrian Rue and Caapi (but I don't have much experience with that) both give their own flavor or teachings but if taken in smaller amounts their MAOI aspects for DMT can be quite transparent.

Wish you all well.

In regards to the Shamanic dismemberment idea- Perhaps. But I dont feel that it entirely fits. As I mentioned, I have had other death like experiences prior to this on mushrooms, that probably fit more with this idea. Those experiences allowed me to lose my fear of death, and realize that the mind likely transcends the physical. I think they also were sometimes accompanied by expansion after “death” into a greater consciousness, more the typical ego death type experience. I came away from them feeling elevated, and felt that I learned something, or at a minimum had improved feelings about life and death. This was not that way at all. This was pure violence, performed on me with glee. I do not feel that it taught me anything, other than the fact that these “entities” could destroy me entirely, effortlessly, at will, and that they would enjoy doing so. The way they destroyed me was also terrifying. I have tried to explain it through analogies to video games or computers, but of course this doesn’t really capture it. The power and speed was so overwhelming, the playful mocking, contemptuous, beep de boop way it ripped me apart, so casual for the “entities” and so crushingly horrifying for me, and yet it was very intimate at the same time. It was just awful, and stayed awful after I came down. I didn’t get anything positive from it.

As far as extending the experience with an MAOI, I dont have much desire to extend this experience. If DMT is simply like this for me, I will simply stop using it. I will try again with a better state of mind before too long, but I dont have high hopes.

I'd say try again. How are you smoking it? I've had both experiences you mentioned and the cartoon world was a blast. I couldn't stop laughing the whole time. As for the second one, every now and then I have a trip exactly like you explained and while as uncomfortable as it is I know it will all be over in a few minutes and I just hang on for the ride.

Two nights ago I had the absolute best trip yet, it had to be the most pleasurable feeling I've ever had in my life. I'm talking from the brain down to the... It actually gave me a hard on . Throughout the entire trip there was this loud siren ringing and throwing off waves of vibrating pleasure.

Anyways I say try again and maybe work on smoking method.

Ahhh I see



I completely understand, I had a similar experience once on 15mg on the emesh when i had first assembled it and was excited about using it. I was just loading it up to go hit it casually like I would be taking a dab, didn't really set any intent or anything and it took me for a ride where basically it felt like the trip was making fun of me but it was not pleasant. Like this massive entity decided to pick me up and said "oh you want to see huh?" Then tore me through a bunch of realities really quickly and the whole nature of the trip was as you described exactly. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed after I came down but then I started practicing better set and setting/intent with it and really integrating the lessons between sessions, then the magic really started to happen.

I mean everyone's experience is there own with it I can only share what I've experienced In hopes it can add some perspective or if it could ever be of any use.


I'd say it was probably more of a set and setting/intent thing really, DMT certainly demands a lot of respect.



Hope that your next journeys are better and you continue an awesome endeavor with the spice and I'm sure a time will present itself to you where you will feel more comfortable with it.

Beluga,
Thank you for sharing your experience. Naturally, we don't understand our brain and DMT deeply enough to offer a categorical judgment of what happened; however, we know that mental contents and the experience setting often have a significant influence.

When I started smoking cannabis (a drug recognized as safe for most neurotypical individuals), I had horrible paranoia crisis because I thought I was committing a great subversion or failure (my upbringing since childhood was very strict and harsh). Over time, this paranoia subsided as I started smoking with people I felt safe with, who were very comfortable with cannabis. This helped me a lot. Perhaps you need a friend who personally explores this universe with you. A trip sitter and a confidant who also wants to explore this world can be very important. Loneliness in such a radical experience can be a bit harsh.

DMT is a new experience for you (and it causes anxiety even in the most experienced users), not to mention that, from what you narrated, you're not very happy with your life in some very important areas: in the field of the purpose of your life, feeling that you wasted it, and perhaps even in the social field, saying you have a poor social life. These two things, combined with the novelty anxiety of DMT, may have led to unpleasant trips.

I would say, if you allow me, that the artificial impression of your trip may perhaps resonate with the more general assessment of your own life, a call for you to rethink and reposition something in your existence. As you mentioned that money is not a problem, perhaps this is a good opportunity to try to understand yourself more deeply with a good psychoanalyst, for example.

Psychedelics often rework our internal impressions and thus show us that perhaps we have closed ourselves off to the most fundamental things, like a dream of a forgotten matter that we thought it was ok but in reality it was not. I doubt it's simply a technical matter of set and setting; instead, I believe it's a kind of uprising of psychic instances (superego?), internalized archetypes that need to be reconsidered, reworked, and overcome (at least in part). Perhaps this is a portal for you to initiate a deeper healing process, rather than just learning another DMT consumption technique (which is important but doesn't exhaust the issue). DMT is more than a thing, a method or a culture: DMT is you.

It's important to notice that poor spice quality can lead to paranoia and bad trips too.

As a new method, maybe you can try a e-mesh with very good terpenes to calm you down, with a lower dose to acclimate yourself with how DMT feels like. Try it with a tripsitter, somebody that is interested in DMT and a person who you can trust. Take your time, go slowly. Try to do it in a place where you feel safe and is beautiful and calm.

I hope I have helped.
Welcome to Nexus.

Also to Beluga,

adding on to that something else that can help or at least in my experience is seeing the visuals as metaphors. For example, you said you saw everything in your place turn plastic but when describing how you felt alone, that you felt you did all the things to achieve success and comfort but don't have the things you yearned or hoped for or expected from this. Could this suggest that what you are experiencing is seeing deep down how you actually feel about happiness vs the way its been shown to you?


A good question to ask yourself is what do you define as happiness? And then revisit the visuals. The plastic apartment was a pretty good one in my opinion. It might be trying to show you that there lies no happiness in these materials that you once placed value in as your core values seem to not resonate with your materialistic values and what they represent to you.

Just spit balling ideas once again never speaking in absolutes
Only sharing experience and observations in hopes to shed light on different perspectives.

I want to read this

Thanks guys, for taking the time to reply in a thoughtful way.

Kmk6891- In regards to smoking method, the first 2 were via glass pipe, the 3rd with e-mesh. Amounts were approximate, as I had a garbage scale, and I am unsure how much I got each time. I have a better scale now, and the next time I do it, I will try to get the emesh calibrated as such that the full amount vaporizes in the initial 10 second draw. I have had some difficulty calibrating the e mesh thus far. I have both 100 and 150 micron stainless steel mesh that I cut, with a knock off RDA from Wish.com. The original vandyvape 316 SS 150 mesh rolls are very hard to come by where I live, as is the original Vandyvape RDA.

The embalmer- I think you are correct about the set and setting. This makes the most sense to me as an explanation. Everything in life sucks when you show up unprepared or going through the motions, and DMT is probably no different. I will see I suppose when I try again at another time, when I am ready for it mentally. Next time I will be prepared, serious, and optimistic, and if the entities still choose to treat me like garbage, then fuck them. I dont think it is trying to show me that my “materialist” mindset is wrong or something. I have never been materialistic, although I value a certain degree of financial well being in order to have the ability to help friends and family, and protect them, and I do like some nice things, but it is a means to an end. I think I have a healthy view of wealth and what it should and shouldnt be valued for, and I dont think this is my problem. My regrets/missed opportunities/failures have little to do with wealth or the lack thereof.

Blind goat- Thank you for your insights as well. I do not believe in psychoanalysis, and feel that it and the drugs associated with it usually do more harm than good. My interest in psychedelics most certainly does relate to psychospiritual issues though, and understanding my own motivations, life direction, and what I make work on to make improvements. The big picture of who and what we are, and why we are here is certainly part of that inquiry as well.

Definitely set setting and intent can go a long way and are often overlooked. Like basic safety rules for a ladder. I've approached spice before casually and learned my lesson quick. DMT demands respect.


Respect the medicine and it will respect you.






And in regards to the emesh what are you having trouble with? I would be more than happy to help. Emesh is my favorite device and I'm pretty good with one ❤️

Sure Beluga, I'm here to help.
Just a little thing: Psychoanalysis does not use drugs, only dialogue. The science that use drugs to treat issues from the mind is psychiatry.

I wish you the best and better experiences too.
I would be happy to read about your next experience (if you want to try DMT one more time).

Beluga,

Welcome to the Nexus. I'm sorry I came into this so late and for sure I will repeat a lot of what has already been said.

DMT is very strong medicine. It comes with a significant body load, always gives surprise and invites subjective interpretation.

The body load is an intense rush of sensation and input. It works hard to separate us from our body sense, which is terrifying to ego. Meanwhile the visuals are coming at warp speed and changing so fast it's impossible to fully remember or describe.

Set and setting are important - getting one's mental house into order. How is this done when the stress never let's up but you know you need to do the work? For me the answer is ritual, meditation and the all important SURRENDER.

Surrender - it is the ultimate letting go. It is like saying, Hmm my soul is being torn into shreds by monsters. . . I'm here to learn and surrender. Let whatever is going to happen and help me to accept it with gratitude for the lesson it will later become. It's like saying, "This is okay. It's okay to die. I can let it all go."

Voidmatrix talks about Commit Surrender and I have given that a lot of thought. We live in a Man's World that insists on the exact opposite. Our culture says FIGHT, CONFLICT, don't let go, don't give up! Our culture says smoking DMT is illegal. Therefore the goal for me is to COMMIT SURRENDER.

In terms of what might work for you, I would say if you choose not to take an integration break, then get a reliable mg level scale, start measuring your doses precisely and start over. Start at 10 mgs, start a journal on effects and feelings. If you like 10 mgs, maybe try 11 or 12 next time. Slowly titrate up until you find a sweet spot.

There is the chance that DMT may not be for you. It is not for everyone, not even all stalwart psychonauts. If that is the case, no worries, you are in very good company. Countless folks come here, try DMT a time or three and put the pipe down for good. They can still enjoy their lives and psychedelics.

I hope you find what you seek.. I suspect it will not be what you think you want. I hope it will be what you need.

A warm welcome to you.

Thanks again guys. As far as the emesh, I am unsure how to set it properly. So far I have tried TC-SS and power modes, with TC-SS set at 204 C, and power at 13.5-14.5 W. I am using a geek ape M100. Both TC-SS and power the way I have done it require 2-3 ten second fires to vaporize it all. I would like to be able to get 30-50 mg in one ten second go. Not sure how to tell if it is too hot and Im burning it or not though.

i guess we should start with toke rate, so toke rate for emesh should be very slow with the vents fully open, if you are going to toke faster you need to adjust the vents to close according to your inhalation speed but honestly i find leaving it fully open seems to work best for me. Then you want to make sure you are toking slow. A lot of the times people think this just means a slow toke. it is a lot slower than you think. think of a reverse whisper. also start the inhale before you start the fire button.

the reason you want to toke slow is because you can cool the mesh off if you toke too fast making your spice not vape effectively also giving you sub par experiences.

and if for some reason the problem isnt with your toking technique then turn the wattage up and try a higher wattage with a slower toke rate.

The resistance of emesh can vary among the RDAs from Wish, and I've also observed a different resistance in the original Vandy Vape. Additionally, the mesh itself contributes to the overall resistance. My suggestion is to increase your wattage; it seems like it's not reaching a sufficient temperature. A good indicator of adequate heat is a faint red-orange glow when the lights are off. When the lights are on, the glow should not be visible. This is the best method I can recommend, so start with that.




For my original vandy vape RDA im using an aegis x 200w with a 200 mesh and I have mine set to power mode with 17w for frame of reference.

I always thought 13-14w was low but then when making the chinese knock offs for a couple friends 17w was too hot on both of em and had to lower to 13-14w, but there could be potential differences amongst any of them. You could end up finding your wattage at 15-16w for example but the light test really helped me on this. Also don't be afraid to turn the heat up. Hotter vapor leads to more intense experiences just careful ya don't go too high on the wattage like 21-30w. Stuff can get intense really fast with emesh in the higher wattage but it sounds like your problem could be a simple fix by turning up the watts. Also tc mode doesn't work best on all mods. I never cared for TC mode.

Also make sure to give it some premelt clicks before toking to have it stay on the mesh. I do this in a lower wattage to avoid accidentally vaping some spice.

Thanks Embalmer. Do you think it is a problem that the folded ends of the mesh go red before the middle where the spice is placed? Or is it normal to have that temperature differential in the areas of the folds due to increased resistance?

You want it be glowing evenly all across. Is there anyway you can take a picture and upload? Are the ends of your mesh touching the floor of your rda at the bottoms of the clamps? What size did you cut your mesh?


Sounds like you may need to readjust your mesh screen but if you have an even glow across the surface should be fine.





Should look like first picture with light on at 30w.

Last pic is best pic I could get of 17w in the dark

You can try a simpler and cheaper vape (I use a sky solo from vaporesso), but not less effective, and just dilute it in e-liquid (or proper terpenes adequate for dilution, which I prefer) in a proportion of:

1g DMT for 1ml liquid --> strong potency (not recommended for newbies)
1g DMT for 2ml liquid --> medium potency
700/800mg DMT for 2ml liquid --> low potency (microdosing) [almost no visuals, only body high. Very good to meditate or increase concentration (I'm ADHD, it simply works better than Ritalin sometimes)]

While not in use I store the dmt+terpenes in a 3ml syringe to prevent leaks