I have lurked the forum infrequently throughout my ongoing absorption of various entheogenic plants. I recall ''legendary'' posts from a member who I remember being 69ron particularly in relation to our good friend Mescalito. My journeys were plain in terms of being a whole plant kind of a guy however I gleaned some invaluable information from his (as well as many others) posts over the years.

I have struggled with depression and addiction genetically from a young point in life up until now. I've had predominately very positive experiences with plants particularly post ''recreational'' stage which proceeded a suicide attempt that was a catalyst into living life differently than before.

Trauma, depression, addiction, and chemical imbalances can be tricky business that often take a great deal of psychological commitment to over-come. Plants can be allies in right relationship whereas they can act as numbing agents that oneself alone can discern where one finds oneself in this slope of potential slip.

Kratom has been a plant of late that I engaged in 'wrong-relation' with which I knew all along yet 'failed' to cease by my own modicum of free-will. Very recently a dear brother reminded me of Syrian Rue which I have been deeply touched by within the past 48 hours of micro'ing (25-200mg range whole raw seeds chewed/swallowed). I was able to go 30 hours without kratom for the first time in a month with only minor insomnia as a WD symptom.

I am here to learn, share, and (ideally) grow. I am in distillation a lover of plants who is rapt by their capacities to heal, move, and generate rapport with Mystery.

livinglight108,

Welcome to official membership, .

Wow, you certainly have been lurking a long time. If you have been a regular lurker, you have seen that things have changed and evolved quite a bit since those heady days around 2010.

I am sorry you have had such a difficult journey. I would counsel caution with anything that is even mildly psychologically addictive and the Shulgin approach to dosing anything psychedelic. Specifically, I would recommend starting at a very low level then gradually, over a period of multiple experiences and time, slowly titrate up until you find a sweet spot.

So, have you tried DMT yet? Done your own extraction? If so, what did you think? If not, any future plans?

Regardless, I'm glad you signed up and hope you find what you are looking for.

Greetings "Pandora", thank you for taking the time to respond to my introduction essay.

Indeed!

I appreciate the empathy and appropriate insight pertaining to relationship to plants. I started with 50mg day 1, 100mg day 2, and around 500mg on day 3. I appreciated each one of these dosage levels finding a 'break-through' type experience for myself on the third. I wrote a bit on it last night which I may share in the future.

I have! I did not do my own however I made a good friend who did it well. This was around the time I was simultaneously working with psilocybin and san pedro. I found the experience challenging due to my fear however found changa (which came to me a few years later) much more suitable. I did 'find' Aya a couple of years after the change enjoying 5 ceremonies which were rich, challenging (an understatement), beautiful, divine, cathartic, healing, and all of those fun things.

As I sit now here now in reflecting on this trajectory which I have yet to for some time I realize that a breakthrough dose of DMT could be rewarding from a different angle in life.

Have you worked with syrian rue yourself? Have you ever worked with it alone? How about DMT, and salvia? I'm compelled to work with salvia again in the future in the more traditional format as opposed to extractives as I found the smoking method to be shall we say... jarring? :-D

Thank you and take good care. May all find what they seek-desire in their lifetimes.

Livinglight108,

I see we have many things in common, based on your introduction essay. It is nice to see and hear of more people who suffer from our common ailments seeking natural alternatives to better their quality of life. This forum is a Godsend. I am glad to have finally taken the initiative to join here to learn, grow and share experiences with others. I am very grateful to have these resources available. I've personally suffered with depression, anxiety and addiction for many of my teen years and all of my adult life. Prior to getting back into psychedelics I had little over 2 years clean from everything. My life had improved significantly, yet something was still missing and my medications were not addressing it. Spirituality helped and continues to be a valuable part of my life. There is, however, something still missing and I am currently trying to figure out what that is. Maybe I just need a girlfriend? We shall see. Until then, I shall continue to explore, investigate, and post my findings on here.

Welcome to the Nexus, friend!

Good Lord, don't we all need feminine relationships. :-) On a serious note in that regard in the same breath I feel some of us so deeply need to take care of ourselves to make ourselves worthy. I had a run of good luck in relationships which caused me to make some unfortunate choices necessitating "humbly" (or NOT) accepting the Karmic outcomes. But no doubt it's one of those deep innermost desires of uniting or even merging with what we can most deeply imagine as being our soul-mate. I once read a mystical poem by a herman rednick which loosely stated that I sought long and hard for my soul-mate upon earth however found that in such pursuit was I transported to a quadrant in the galaxy where I realized such fulfillment may never be provided whilst in the flesh. Interesting to me anyway

Godspeed

I believe there are many things that may never be provided to us while we are in the flesh. I do believe in God and I believe in the afterlife. I also believe in science and find Maslow's hierarchy of needs to be accurate. I have learned to be happy on my own and relish my alone time. Still, some days I wonder if what I'm missing is connection with another. It's incredibly difficult for me to bond with people. You could almost call me a recluse, lol! Part of my exploration with psychedelics is to discover why I struggle with bonding, or perhaps what I can do to bond. It is important to be worthy and take care of ourselves. It's hard to be a good partner if we neglect ourselves! That is probably 90% of why I haven't allowed myself a relationship for the past 10 years, because I wasn't taking care of myself. Now that I do take care of myself I occasionally find myself wanting for the company of another. It'll happen when the time is right, that's what I say! That helps me stay patient