..is what i just did.
thank you nexus...ive been away for sometime...havent worked with anything, but i still felt i was having breakthroughs in my own thinking here. so i wasnt working with spice, but i was still "working"
i just went.
i came home. hungry. tired. had a bad morning. i was getting ready to load up my bong and smoke some marijuana and sort some things out mentally, but i saw a gift that my dear friend ANTROCLES gave to me on my bday...god my hands and arms are shaking so much right now i can barely type.
i just did it. i had never worked alone before. i did it all. with all that weight and baggage(plus more ill spare you details)
i went in. it was so sudden...i lit it. and next thing i know. the buzzing throughout my body...byebye. electricity. i exhaulted! i was loud! i could feel it! i remember something in me, not me...saying "ENTER ME. BE ME. HELP ME. LOVE ME." an absolute surrender came over me without me thinking about it. (this is not to say i havent worked on my surrendering before.) but i did not consciously surrender...maybe just a constant state of surrender and openness
i guess i feel like my soul was doing the footwork on this one, lining up the piece, the timing, the lack of timing. it was just time for me to go.
i could see a blob of ____ i dunno just a moving blob moving upwards...appearing to be flowing up into me. i allowed it. i question nothing. i fear nothing. i am.
i remember seeing my guide, a tall, black rasta looking man with an orange disco suit that is too short, tall top hat, white around his eyes, and he is happy and carefree.( dont ask me how i know this, ive seen him a number of times looking at me, stepping over what i was seeing...meaning he would walk over the rooms and go from frame to frame...he would lean over at me and say "its all you man/brother"
him and another person or group of ppl were focused on a part of my head to the side...examining it seemed.
then i felt like there was an asian girl or dark haired girl doing yoga next to me. literally in the room with me.
i kinda came back and lit what i had left and it was time to go again. more of the same. over and over.
i can feel myself exhaulting...thanking the universe for what was happening. my breathing took on a very long drawn out process..."in through the teeth as long as could, exhale out as long as i could(think of the sound you would make if mimicing a crowd or audience)
my legs would twist and turn. i would rub my hands over my fleshy, spongy, moist body...realizing that was the form i was in and feeling so small....as if i was occupying this space now(i am not my body) my glasses were tossed to the side..i remember being told "be yourself. be you. you are you. quit getting lost" i didnt feel de ja vu...i was de ja vu.
i would see the happenings here..the activity in this reality...and then see that it just a cover or mask over what was really happening AND I SAW IT. from the side...kinda like if you cut the earth in half and look at each layer...but with reality and "reality"
my eyes would open. i would then leave again with my eyes open. i felt a connection then to that dimension and this one...a link. when i noticed i was still experiencing my trip, my eyes would focus on the room. out of the side of my eye i would see a giant hornet's head floating over me...it was neon and clear...a pattern behind it made of the same material.
i thought to myself..."how wonderful i see you..here. in my room. you are welcomed. be."
not the epic write up i wanted to do, but i could write for days and days and not do it justice. i have a hard time remembering everything.
i guess the lesson learned today is, "put aside your plans, then get to work"
thank you nexus, i may be gone a lot, but im always present.
LOVE. LIGHT. INFINITE.
IM
"wherever you go...there you are"