It has been over a month since my third breakthrough. That experience was overwhelming and caused a great deal of stress, anxiety, and panic. If you read about it back then I was ranting and raving, begging for it to end. But there was something there that drew me back, something there that seemed to pull me, seduce me, beckon me and call me into that place again. A few times this month I walked over to the pipe with cosmic intentions, but my heart would pound and my breath would become sharp and labored and I would retreat from the mere thought. I have never been so afraid of anything in my life except when I was child and deathly scared of the dark.


Today I loaded it up with 60mg of grayish, white FB and took one deeeep toke. I exhaled, blew the candle out, pulled down my blindfold and breathed.


My biggest fear was that I would stop breathing. I know this is a common problem to some hyperspace psychonauts, so I concentrated on the inhale and the exhale. It let me breathe the whole time as it took me to that place. I still can’t make any sense out of the moment, but I did not panic. I stayed safely in my bed, blindfold secured, breath constant, and watched. There was still some trepidation but I felt oddly detached from the strange world around me. My self dissolved except for the breathe. I think today’s trip was a training session, a breakthrough that held my hand and allowed to breathe and be aware of my functioning nervous system. It was as if it were telling me that it’s okay, see you are alive and safe.


Maybe I am ready to begin the deeper journeying.

Joe I am so very happy for you. I am glad you made the choice to return. I have been in your shoes so many times. I am kinda there now actually. I'll go back again in another week or two. Sometimes I get the very life shaken out of me and it takes a long time to re integrate. It's crazy. I know everything will be ok. I'm not going to die from it. No one ever has. Even if I did die from it, I know what awaits me is nothing to fear. I know its not over. I know I am eternal. Then why the fear? I carry around allot from my last vape experience a couple weeks ago. I can see the fabric sometimes, I can see the path I will take some day. Sometimes its almost enough to make me panic. I am always able to beat it down, but I have to use a mantra sometimes, when it gets tough. Live Long , Live Strong, Never Say Die

Welcome back Joe infinite eternal wisdom awaits.

If you're really feeling like that, it's a very special place to be. I remember the first time when I realised this was a journey, not for the body but the soul. The soul is truly invincible.

It's good to take advantage of that.

Best of luck

Congratulations, Joe. Back on the good foot, baby!

Hey Joe, glad to see it wasnt a permanent vacation from the spice. When I read your "screw this stuff" rant, I was floored how similar it was to one of my recent excursions. I had alot of the same trepidation towards another trip but was determined to not let it stop me from the experience...glad I didnt and really glad you didnt either!

Heal, Protect, Enlighten

Aetherbound

Nice Joe, Its almost as if being able to get past that anxiety we all face before the experience its one of the best ways to get over anxiety in this swimmers life. All of a sudden the little things that would spark the anxiety to flow through my body are no longer triggered, or the anxiety is no where near its old level.He knows now nothing this swimmer experienced has really ever been worth the anxiety and mind hes given it, and he feels this is a lesson taught before and during the experience.

bravely done, fellow warrior. only good can come from courageously facing your fears head-on. the next level awaits my brother....

L&G!!

Joe - I'm totally with you on this one. I've had a journey recently that was so rough, my heart skips a beat whenever I even look at my bong. Like you, I thought, 'fuck, no way can I go through that again'. However, I am going to carry on ... the work isn't finished. The worst of what I see/feel/experience is the worst of myself, and I feel I need to face it to heal.

So good luck, and safe travels friend. We may be walking a similar path.

So happy to hear it Joe! Awesome that they're holding your hand as you ease back in.