PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: Nervous, happy
(physical condition) Set: Relaxed
Setting (location): Bedroom
time of day: around 22:00
last meal: 18:00, chicken alfredo

PARTICIPANT
Gender: f
body weight: 49kg
history of use: novice with DMT


BIOASSAY
Substance(s): DMT
Dose(s): 45mg
Method of administration: Vaporized


Intensity (overall): 4


OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 4
Unpleasantness: 2
Visual Intensity: 4


REPORT

Typically I feel the sensation of falling down a hallway(at a nice, calm pace) where I enter a void and I suppose I wrestle my ego into submission. I feel I was swept away so fast that my ego didn't even get the chance to argue.

I read a lot here about "forgiveness". I realized throwing the word "love" was maybe not so helpful, on top of needing to forgive myself as well. So before my travels, I focused on the sensation of love. The way it fills you and how it feels when I know I'm loved. When I took the hits, I focused completely on that sensation while telling myself "forgiveness". Instead of falling down the hall, I was pulled through a "tunnel".

It was squared like the hall but had the feeling of moving upward at an angle. I had the feeling my hand was being held and I was being pulled along, and there was no doubt in my mind that it was me. "Higher" me. As I was pulled along extremely fast, I realized the "walls" where the edges of the squared area met were being lifted up and a scene was poking out from behind. It felt scary, and I felt myself being told, at the same time I recall saying myself, "Don't worry about them." So I didn't look anymore and kept moving. I suddenly found myself in what initially seemed like another "void", though this was just a pure, beautiful white.

I realized almost instantly that the "void" wasn't one at all, and that something was there. The more I recognized this, the more I became aware that this entity was absolutely surrounding me. It was everywhere, it was everything. Have you ever felt so purely overwhelmed that it made you sick to your stomach? That was the sensation. I feel like whatever appearance I was taking on at that time was doing a spirit equivalent of dry heaving in just sheer awe and the overwhelming sensations. It was pure power. In itself this was intimidating, but the pure amount of LOVE I felt left no question in my mind what I was looking at. I've always called the higher power "source". This felt like a more accurate term and less loaded than "God". Yet I couldn't be in this presence and can't recall it without the word "God" coming to the front of my mind.

What remained of me seemed to merge with God and I have never felt such a profound love. It filled me to the point where it felt like my chest could burst open. It seemed like we were in constant motion and never moved at the same time. Looking around, there was no particular shape for God. Everything just was him. I noticed in a moment of "motion" a large pink expanse and when I looked closer, I realized it was trillions of little pink boxes. Each one was like looking into a diorama, just peeking into a 3D space all its own. I had no concept of "me" as a person, yet I had this sudden urge to look in on a particular human. Now out of the experience, it's clear it was me. The moment the pink box showed me a view of my room from above I felt a light sensation then a sudden tug, along with something that wasn't really a voice but a sensation that filled me and everything around me. It was a simple "no". I could tell I had "upset" him a bit with this, so I was "punished".

I'd like to pause here and say that while "upset" and "punish/ment" are the words that come to mind and seem harsh, they are the closest I can describe the sensation. There was no effect on the amount of love I felt, and it didn't seem as if these moments made him "dislike" me or anything of that nature. It was like parental disappointment.

My punishment was my fear; I was thrown into a loop. It was a strange sensation, like I was suddenly separated from God and could feel my "body"(whatever the shape/state of it was) being lifted up and pulled away. In front of me the boxes began to tilt and became purple and dark inside. I was thrown into one of them. I say "throw" due to the force I felt behind it, yet it was painless.

Inside the purple box I woke up in my room and my SO asked me what I had saw. I had a gnawing sensation things weren't right, and I was very afraid. I'm uncertain exactly what thought "broke me out". Was it realizing the world was wrong? Remembering I'd been put there? I don't remember. Yet the moment I realized, I felt this warm, blue(blue is a color. In this experience, it was a wonderful feeling) sensation that seemed to envelope me. I realized I was being held, embraced. Everything around me felt bright and blue and full of love and every wonderful emotion you can imagine.


I can't really describe what anything looked like. I made this as simply what it felt like.

Because I'm a silly human, this punishment didn't stop me from trying to peek into the boxes again. I was punished quite a few times. I had also been punished for attempting to think of a word to describe God's shape. Not so much that I wanted to, but that I pushed it. As I tried to think of the words, he told me the word was "indescribable" and that would be all I was allowed to take with me. So I tried to keep the image in mind as hard as possible and think of the closest word and this was when I was in trouble again.

While inside of my punishment loops, sometimes I became "lost". I would feel very afraid and panic to the point where I felt I was losing myself. I suddenly thought to open my eyes to escape but when I did, the way I saw my bedroom in that moment was infinitely more terrifying. He simply told me "There is no escaping it. Embrace it." Even still, I would have moments where the loops were too much, "too hard", or I simply couldn't escape them alone. When it felt like I was about to snap, I'd suddenly hear the music I was listening to. It was a simple but beautiful piano song that I didn't otherwise hear at any point. Yet it would come it very clearly at these moments and the loop would melt away. I would see a black, empty space with a single bright blue line straight down the middle. It seemed to me like the line would warp to the sound of the music, and I became aware he was playing the music himself. He really loved the song, and I got the feeling that in general he loves the piano and is proud of humans for creating it.

Each time, whether I was "pulled" out or came to my own senses, I was immediately embraced again. I felt pride radiating as well, that he was happy I had returned and was okay and that the punishments weren't something he necessary wanted, rather what I needed. His embrace was pure love, bursts of white and blue colors and the most serene and peaceful sensation I've ever had. Although in itself, it felt like a perfect balance of male and female energy, the feeling I got when I was in "trouble" felt very paternal. Loving yet strict.

I started becoming aware of my bedroom again, the visuals were fading and the music was a constant. I could also feel I had rolled over on to my side and was holding on to my pillow for dear life so I could feel the pillow pressing against me. The instant I realized what was happening, I begged for it to stop. I needed just a little longer. And he gave it to me. The moment that thought crossed my mind, I was suddenly pulled back and for what felt like seconds and an eternity he held me close and let me know that everything would be okay. When I started returning again a second time, I was peaceful about it and let it happen without a fight. I tried to hold the sensation as long as I could so I just lie still until it passed completely, and I realized that I had tears running down my face. My SO worried I was scared and had a bad experience and all I could say was that I'd never experienced tears of pure joy before.

This feels to me like it has so many layers and a lot to unpack. Yet outside of the pure, unconditional and embracing love I felt, the most powerful realization I came to afterwards was that I hadn't at any point stopped and wondered why I was receiving such love. If I was worthy of feeling it. All the anxieties I feel when love is expressed to me had been gone, and their absence was extremely noticeable when I "woke up".

Hi FoxDown:

A very lovely and well articulated description of your experience. It was a joy to read it

I would be interested to hear your thoughts regarding how you integrate this particular experience into your life. What meaning did it have to you? How do you translate what happened into practical changes in your life...or maybe, a better way to ask the same question: what are you going to do different in how you live your life now that you have experienced this?

Anyway, keep up the good work!!

Respect to you.

So far, I've tried to be a lot more considerate about the way I talk. I've always been very aware of how I treat others but I do need to think a bit more before I speak or react, especially if I'm angry/upset. But I've become extremely aware of the way I speak to myself in particular. And it was horrible. And still is. But as I'm more aware, I've tried to shift that line of thinking. Even in the post itself, I wrote a line that looking back on, I would have written very differently before this. I said "because I'm a silly human". Typically, I'd have called myself "stupid" or something like that. Instead I chose to speak more kindly about myself.

I've realize I need to not let my fear "drive" so much. I'm grateful for its help when it was needed, but I need to take back control of the wheel again. I'd also felt sort of "looped" and hopeless in my life as well. Suicide has been a huge part of my life and I had considered it many times. I realized this was the same as being "trapped in the boxes". I would panic and want to escape but I wasn't even really sure why. I know what I've been running away from in life with those types of thoughts, but I hadn't put as much consideration into the fact that I was running away from those I care about as well. This has created a rift in my personal relationships and that much was clear, I just hadn't known the reason why.

So far, it hasn't been 24 hours yet, but this is what I've noticed just from taking the day to reflect on it. I won't be attempting to dive again anytime soon I don't think, at least not until I feel ready. I don't want a slap for not taking a breath to receive and appreciate all this information that was given to me.

Also I super appreciate you asking, I had a lot less to say as an answer when I was first responding and then it all just started flowing out as I typed.

What a beautifully written experience! There were so many moments I related to which sent shivers down my spine

I definitely relate to how this force really does seem upset/frustrated (even for a brief moment hostile) when we start coming back to reality trying to box it into some kind of word play to "understand" it in our terms.. I often get some slightly unpleasant feelings coming out for this very reason. I'm too often so eager to try and figure it out in human terms rather than just let it work its magic through me .. its funny how its almost our knee jerk reaction to try and do that. Time and time again these experiences seem to show me that there is a way to imbue this rhythm of pure in the moment-ness into our lives.. but it is hard work!

And I can relate to the idea of the realm and the intelligence that pervades it being the same thing.. the entity and its environment are like the same body.. I never experience hyperspace as a populated environment anymore.. it is the being/self

I met God once and I thought he was a bit shallow.

FoxDown,

Thank you for sharing this experience. Your descriptive abilities definitely are above average for bringing back material and it makes for great reportage.

Someone here has a signature that says something to the extent of, "Surrender and you will be free." It sounds like an oxymoron when you're in consensual reality but it makes perfect sense in hyperspace.

There's an old scifi show called Firefly that I really liked awhile back and one of the characters had a great saying. It went something like this: "I am a leaf on the wind. See how I soar!" I felt there were aspects of this statement within your trip report. I felt as long as you were in that state you were not being punished. I don't know if I'm on to something here but this might be a mindset worthy of cultivation for future explorations of hyperspace.

That was quite a ride you described. It seemed to contain a lot of what I think of as aspects of the DMT experience. Dealing with one's ego, facing one's fears, amazing visuals, meeting entities and profound numinous feelings.

I really enjoyed reading your report and again want to thank you for sharing so much delightful detail.

-Pandora

Now that's what I call a high quality trip report. The trillions of pink boxes was wild. Anyone would have been tempted to peak inside. I wonder if they represented the neurons in your brain or where memories are stored. Maybe those were for "God" to look in and not you, so by way of lesson learned you were thrown into some crappy boxes.

Very very cool.

I think that something needs to be said about your artistic ability...

I am curious why would god present you with such a thing and then get 'upset' when we try and do the logical/curious thing... maybe I am just not fully understanding... but also... yeah it's 'the molecule' so yeah as well as meeting god is bound to have some unexpected quirks and I resonate with a lot of your report however, like seeing the room as it is being terrifying somehow... and of course most of the experience is really intangible but yeah I can only imagine what the room must have also 'looked like' in those moments when you were 'back but not fully' LEGOLAND?

Hiii FoxDown <3

I enjoyed reading your trip report, sounds like a profound experience ya had!

"I realized almost instantly that the "void" wasn't one at all, and that something was there. The more I recognized this, the more I became aware that this entity was absolutely surrounding me. It was everywhere, it was everything. " , " It was pure power. In itself this was intimidating, but the pure amount of LOVE I felt left no question in my mind what I was looking at. I've always called the higher power "source". This felt like a more accurate term and less loaded than "God". Yet I couldn't be in this presence and can't recall it without the word "God" coming to the front of my mind."

FoxDown I have been obsessed over this myself from having two experiences with this aspect of hyperspace, "Central Light"
https://wiki.dmt-nexus.m...ce_lexicon#Central_Light

Around 6 or 7 years ago I was on a break and when revisited I saw this floating white orb, months later I was inside it, merged inside as you say it rattles my reality daily to to this day. There was no sounds, colors like im used to seeing >.<

Since then my visions has been buddhas, boddhisattvas and rainbow mandala geometric patterns etc. I think an experience with the cental light is a rare experience; but with enough will, / mantra and yantra i'm sure one could force it

Thanks for sharing such a great trip report!

Thank you! It feels helpful to me to describe it immediately then write it down within a day or so otherwise details tend to fade. Everything feels like it has a significance so each detail seems important to remember and recall later to find the significance.
That quote you mentioned is interesting just in the fact that it mentions "soar". I did have a feeling that I was in motion, like flying almost, but nothing really did move at the same time.

That is really interesting, thank you! I hadn't seen mention of that before but after reading about it it is very accurate to what I experienced. And it was the same while inside, the colors I can recall(the blue "feeling", the pink then purple boxes) were all that I could really recall as far as color went. It felt less like actual colors and more like feelings and emotions than anything else. And I don't really recall any true sound. All my interaction with him was entirely non-verbal and it just felt like all this information and his thoughts and intentions were dumped into my head and I was aware of them instantly.

I am just like you. As soon as the trance breaks and I'm enough back in my body to control it, I sit up and hit the word processor. I have seen some insane things dance across the screen as I try to get my thoughts down ASAP. Then like you I take a day or two more because often more stuff comes to me at random times.

DMT memories are elusive. It's amazing how fast they can fade. I think it's the sheer level of detail and intensity. I find I must work and cultivate these skills to be able to bring stuff back. Sounds like you are doing it second nature.

Have you ever tried vaporhuasca - eating enough MAOI to inhibit yourself then vaping DMT? I found it really slowed things down and allowed me a stunning level of detailed memory that stuck with me.

Regarding the soar comment, more often than not, when I wind up in hyperspace I would describe the environment as Zero-G and my experience is one of floating around or through.

Thank you for sharing, that was beautiful to read <3

I am always with you ~