Firstly, thank you everyone for being so kind.
This is how it rolled (and like everyone else, it doesn't feel super clear in retrospect) but I'll do my best:
What I felt / believed I saw, firstly, was that there is something going on that is a gazillion light years advanced from where we are at here on earth. I know that sounds ridiculous, but that is truly what I was seeing. I went back in (I'd been on the peace pipe for a bit by this point, taking little breathers and building up to "going the ton", as I mentioned before). When I went the ton, it was seriously like the jackpot going off, times a(nother) gazillion. I cannot explain it in my human words but what I felt was being presented to me was "you're journey has brought you to this jackpot moment, and here's the prize, CONGRATS on getting here!" which was this crazy, cartoony, mega mind blowing explosion of jackpotting jackpotness. It was like yay! you got here! You cracked the code!
That's my best efforts with the words.
What freaked me out, and in fact had been of note when previously I had puffed on my changa (but without the intention of going the whole hog) was how it all seemed so artificial. Cartoony. Computerised, if you will (but nothing, nothing like anything I've ever seen or experienced). Shrooms, even LSD have always felt intertwined with nature. With this, I felt I was in the very bowels of the computer.
It's so frustrating not being able to describe it well. But the unsettling feeling I have, post-it all, is that it's not all spiritual and love, but an orchestration of an advanced somethingorother.
I too have always been atheist (or agnostic, with the view of" who am I to say"
. I am no spring chicken and if you knew my real age / identity I'm sure you'd be surprised. Since getting into the shrooms I've felt much more spiritual, that there is something "else" - rather than this being a "you're born, you live, you die" continuum. But after the changa experience, I'm leaning more to this being a game, and humans are a pawn in it. Like, throw it out there and watch them eat themselves.
I want and need people to talk with on this matter. I am a Reddit user but wanted to come to the nexus because I felt I'd get perhaps more serious students of the matters at hand. Should I target a specific forum here? Do we automatically accept it's not something we can answer?
I packed away my changa bong with the thought I never want to go there again. I guess will probably resume exploration again, but I am in nooooo hurry to do so. I understand the importance of integration.
Anyone who's bothered reading, thank you.