I just got out of a three night medicine ceremony with a South American Huni Kuin shaman. He comes from a long lineage of spiritual leaders in his village on the Amazon. The space that he holds is powerful, weaving an energetic web around our circle with his singing of the Ikaros which are channeled “songs”. These songs are repetitive, much like mantras, with unique sounds and intonations designed to create a container and do deep work.
We had journeyed for two nights the previous weekend and I was feeling more confident and comfortable in the space. Over the last weekend I had a lot of experience being a conduit for the group energy field in the room. On the second evening in particular I had intense energetic purging leaving my body in a state of relaxation. The medicine was no longer causing me any intestinal distress or emotional turmoil. This is my journal from the second weekend.
First Night
I came to the first night very excited. Tonight I had dedicated myself to be a space holder watching for people having trouble and holding the field. Since I own the place where it was being held it was a natural thing to do.
It turned into a somewhat strange night as some things went wrong. The medicine was not super strong for me and I was thankful as there were many logistical issues as well as some issues with people that I had to deal with. Due to an oversight the building we were in ran out of water. With the number of people going in and out of the toilet purging it could quickly turn into a plumbing disaster. However our place is off-grid and the only way to fill it would be run a large generator to run the well pump which would really be noisy and ruin the atmosphere. Instead some of us took turns bringing in buckets of water to manually refill the toilets after flushing. No easy task when you’re under the influence! It as also very windy and smoke kept coming in to our open room. I went over the firekeeper and asked him to let the fire die down.
Many people were having a hard time. The medicine had taught me that to get the maximum benefit, one should generally not go inward into their visions which can turn into a trap. I saw many people lying down covering themselves with blankets and moaning as if having a bad dream. The medicine shakes people and loosens up stuck energy caused by past trauma. As this is brought to consciousness it is often played out as a vision, but often more extreme. I had had this experience before and it is very tempting to just retreat and try to comfort oneself by escaping. The movie is something to “watch” and even if it’s a horror movie can act as a distraction to the actual work of processing by being present with the bad feelings. This is the reason why the shaman and his assistant encourages people to sit up straight as much as possible. In an alert state, actively scanning yourself and feeling all of the sensations as they arise, no matter how uncomfortable or painful it gets. This greatly assists the medicine in purging these old traumas.
I felt the call several times to go to people lost in their dream and tell them gently, but firmly “wake up”. They would become alert and thank me. A number of times they would simple fall back asleep, but some of them stayed awake and later thanked me for the reminder as it shifted their whole evening.
While I was actively being a “space holder” I found that a lot of the energy rising in the room would come to me so I could assist in the “digestion” process. The energy would enter into me and I could feel the physical and emotional discomfort. After a time the energy would leave me through very loud belches and yawns. This process happened automatically with no effort or concentration needed from me. I had had this experience a lot the previous weekend.
After the second cup the shaman began the second part of the night where he stopped chanting the Ikaros songs and brought out his guitar and began lively singing them. One of my assistants ran the generator solving the plumbing issue. As the second cup began to take effect I got a strong message to stop scanning the room for issues and to relax and receive. I went deep within staying conscious and aware. I began to get downloads about right living. I saw that the Huni Kuin were “real people” as they call themselves because they are awake and aware and truly a part of their environment. They observe the effects of their actions in the natural world and are not lost in philosophical and intellectual constructs. As I watched the people dance I was filled with joy. Our lives could be so simple if we shook off the trauma that was causing energetic constrictions and a distorted view of the natural world as something to be used instead of realizing that we are part of it. One part among many and no greater than plants or animals or microbes. I continued in joy and celebration for the rest of the evening.
Second Night
I first met the “dmt elves” almost 10 years ago. These are a class of entity that have been experienced and talked about by many DMT users. Many years ago, my then partner met them on a DMT trip and said they were telling her over and over “The universe comes into existence like this: one, two, three…pop! one, two, three…pop!” showing her how they were conduits for universal energy to create our physical world. A couple of years later I encountered them myself on a strong DMT trip. It was a shocking and frightening experience. They were *everywhere*, emerging from the kaleidoscope fractal background. They seemed very playful and not malevolent, but also somewhat mischievous. They seemed to delight in my shock and surprise, but also seemed very happy to meet me. I was thankful when the drug wore off a few minutes later and lay on the floor in disbelief for a half hour just try to digest what happened. It’s not everyday that you meet interdimensional beings that are somehow more “real” than what you can see with your eyes! I was so rattled by the experience I did not smoke DMT again for many years.
I had met these beings again the year before, the second time I did ayahuasca.
So this time I was more prepared and happy when they showed up. Again they were giddily happy to meet me and I gave them permission to come into me as they were asking insistently. I wouldn’t generally offer a spirit to come into me but I trusted the shaman. They leapt through my chest..it felt like thousands of them. This resulted in an extreme energetic purge akin to a kundalini awakening experience which I benefited deeply from. I was shaking all over and continued to shake for the rest of the evening.
The first half of the night was relatively uneventful. I could feel the medicine doing its work of deep cleansing my body of physical and emotional toxins. The medicine told me and again to stay awake and aware during the process to get the maximum benefit. I have noticed in this kind of work that there is a strong urge to swoon and go off in the intense visions that happen with eyes closed. These distract from the energetic and physical discomfort that is going on as the medicine and spirits work on you. I have seen these spirits with devices that are much like vacuums patiently working on me at the same time comforting me. It is not a comfortable process, but the message for me was to stay with it. I was also in a role there as a space holder taking care of small problems that would arise. Assisting someone having a particularly hard time, finding new candles etc. It was relatively uneventful (though still a completely bonkers experience!)
Then they served the second cup. The server whispered to me that he was giving me a very special, very fine medicine. A particular batch that had come out amazing. They only had a small amount so I felt honored that they were sharing with me. I was hosting them and they were grateful to be accepted warmly at my place.
I settled back into place and after everyone had been served they called everyone to make a circle closer to the center of the room for a special healing. I was sitting directly across from the shaman and my eyes locked on his steady gaze. He began his incantations going from person to person spending about a minute on each person. Using a large feather he would fan the person patting them on the back and seemed to be drawing out stagnant energy, though I am sure what he was doing was more complex than I could imagine. I felt energetic tremors in my own body throughout and when he would do a final draw on each person I energetically convulsed feeling stagnant energy leaving my body. When he got to me I put my hands out wanting to be as open to receive as possible. I felt huge amounts of energy leaving me as my body intensely convulsed. Immediately I felt a surge of pleasure as my whole body relaxed deeply. The shaman went to each other person, finished the circle and we went back to our seats.
The medicine process deepened within me. It told me to relax and not be a space holder, but simply to receive a transmission. I lay back and closed my eyes. The DMT elves appeared! They were far more vivid than I had ever seen them. I can still see them in my mind though they are hard to describe. They were very colorful with magnificent “clothing”. They were laughing and playing and they were..EVERYWHERE! They seemed very delighted that I could see them. Popping in and out of my vision they sought to engage me. “Pay attention!” they were psychically saying to me over and over. “We want to share with you!” I concentrated and they looked into my eyes and began channeling information directly into me as I concentrated keeping open to the transmission.
They showed me how they were a class of spirits that was bringing the physical world into existence moment to moment. “One two three pop!”. They told me that if I could stay aware and with focused concentration that I could partner with them and channel this creative energy. They took hold of my physical hand and slowly moved it as my index finger straightened out. I felt a surge of energy run through my body, down my hand and out my fingertips. “Like this!” they said with great cheer. “And your breath too! Use your breath to channel our creative energy! Use your eyes! Focus!” They were so delighted that I was getting this transmission. They seemed to be very happy to be fulfilling their purpose manifesting the physical world, but as most people are not living consciously with them, when they get a collaborator who can channel their energy with a purpose and focus, they are thrilled! I was encouraged over and over to lock this information in me so when the medicine wore off the knowledge and link to these spirits would remain. I was given the knowledge that I could use this power for all kinds of things..to make a garden thrive for example was a specific example I saw in my vision. I was also given a vision of visiting a particular spirit possessed politician and working with their spirits. Dr. Strange style!
For the rest of the evening I practiced this new form of magic assisting people and have since found that this skill is not only very useful, but can be used in great service to the world if used consciously and not for personal gain, though one may very well benefit from making the world a better place through it.
For the rest of the night I enjoyed the dancing and singing and enjoying the new freedom I felt in my body after so much removal of stagnant energy. And of course my new link with these “elves”.
Third Night
The night began uneventfully, or at least as uneventfully as an ayahuasca journey can be. I felt the medicine working with me and simply was present with it. No amazing visions. Visually only light patterns. I stayed active weaving energy and helping out people mostly from my seat. A couple was out at the fire when I took a brief visit there. I had noticed they had been out there a long time so I went out to speak with them. I gently encouraged them to come back into the room to receive the transmissions. They declined, but later I saw the woman come back in.
There was a call for a second cup. The assistant was serving and when I came up he asked me how strong I would like it. Feeling more comfortable in the space I told him a little stronger. He poured me a full cup! This was maybe 3 times a normal dose! I looked at the cup and looked at him and said with my eyes “uh…really?”. He smiled and I shrugged and belted it down in one long gulp and went back to my seat.
It wasn’t long before it started kicking in. Soon my vision became filled with overlays of geometrical patterns. When I closed my eyes I found myself immersed in the spirit world. The room was full of spirits. These were a different kind of spirit from the “dmt elves’. They had specific personalities and were of all kinds of temperaments. There were many seemingly malevolent spirits. They were all around me taunting me and making grimacing faces. Unlike past times when I had encountered spirits I could see them very clearly. In my other experiences the spirits moved very fast for me darting in and out of my vision. I had seen spirit faces before but it was always difficult to get a solid look at them because they would appear to me for only a fraction of a second. This time was different. On this large dose of the medicine my vibrations seemingly matched the spirits much more closely. Although they were still moving I could very clearly see their faces and their “clothes”. They wanted inside me and were seeking “hooks” to latch on to. I did not want these spirits to attach to me! These spirits seem to need some kind of emotional upset or trauma to latch onto, but I felt clear and safe and they could not get a hold of me. I began using magical techniques to create an energetic field around me and then started banishing them.
The shamans assistant came over to me. He whispered to me that the energy that night was off. “No kidding!” I whispered back! He told me that the woman from earlier had had a mental breakdown and became convinced the shaman was an evil sorcerer commanding demons to possess her and had left the property. He felt this was the cause of so many malevolent spirits. He was aware of the state I was in having giving me the dose and asked me to use my “wizardry” to help the situation.. He went back to his seat and I began concentrating on this woman. When I found her I began a series of whispered incantation and gestures I had learned years before in magical training. “Apo Pantos Kakodaimonos!” casting the spirits out. After a couple of minutes I became satisfied that it had worked and came “back”. Later the assistant told me that the situation had been defused although it is unclear how much of it was my assist. I continued my work in the room banishing many of the spirits there.
Later that morning I discussed my experience with the shaman. He told me that there were so many spirits because there were so many dead people. So this was a different “class” of spirits than the “dmt elves” who were distinctly non-human. I was contemplating these spirits the next day. I began to develop the idea that these spirits were not full personality human spirits. Rather they were the parts of humans who had died that were fragments of “stuck” energy from unresolved trauma in their human lives. They were all the “bad” parts that could not move on in peace, which is why they seemed to be purely malevolent and not complex beings. Some humans die with a lot of unresolved trauma and these are exceptionally powerful spirits.
I believe these spirits to be the personification of unresolved intergenerational trauma. That this unresolved trauma from our ancestors not only effects us through our childhood experiences with our parents, but also these “spirits” who roam the world seeking resolution. That they can latch on to people making their trauma fields even more intense. But that this is not done with malevolent intent, but merely seeking resolution. I have been pondering how I might assist them in the future.
The third night ended with joy from most of the participants. We were very happy to watch the rising sun and to make it through such a mind bending experience.