PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: excited, a bit anxious
(physical condition) Set: healthy
Setting (location): living room
time of day: 1300
recent drug use: none
last meal: Snack 2100 previous night

PARTICIPANT
Gender: m
body weight: 75 kg
known sensitivities: none
history of use: Lots of experience with mushrooms, MDMA. 2nd time with 5meo

BIOASSAY
Substance(s): 5meo DMT
Dose(s): 8 mg and then 30 mg
Method of administration: vaporized


EFFECTS
Administration time: T=0:00 for 8 mg dose, T=1:00 for 30 mg dose
Duration: about 15 minutes and one hour
First effects: Immediate
Peak: Roughly T=0:03 and T=1:03
Come down: T=2:00
Baseline: T=3:00

Intensity (overall): 4
Evaluation / notes:

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 1
Unplesantness: 4
Visual Intensity: 1
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.
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AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: 0
Afterglow: 0


REPORT
This was a group ceremony with two facilitators and three participants. We did some meditating and yoga to get into the right mind space, then took a small (8 mg) dose as a warm up. The effects were quite mild for me. A bit of tingling in the arms and a general peaceful feeling.

After sharing this experience we did the larger (30 mg) dose. This one blew my socks off. I was feeling it intensely before I exhaled. My body was jerking, I was breathing fast. I can't remember much of those first moments. I do remember the facilitors holding me and telling me it was ok and to breath slowly. There were incredible waves of emotion and body sensations pulsing through me. Once those subsided, I laid there breathing softly, thinking the worst was over. Then a huge wave of sadness and emotional pain hit me. I burst into tears and wailed. That subsided. A few minutes later another wave hit. Then another. Over and over.

Also I kept having uncontrollable twitching, jerking and shaking in my legs. They were going wild. A few times it was so intense I just screamed into my pillow.

In between these bouts an idea began to form in my head. I can't say how true it was but it felt right. The idea was that there is a huge pool of pain and sadness in me that I received from my father. And he received it from his father. And on and on, going back generations. And in this journey I was processing the pain and running it to ground.

At times I thought: what a rotten deal I got, inheriting all this pain. Other times it felt right, like this was how it was supposed to be and I am the first in this line to have the opportunity to ground it.

After the medicine wore off, we shared our experiences and some food. I was in a quiet place and spoke very little.

This happened yesterday and I am still chewing on it. Happily I have some good folks to help me with integration.

Hi. 30mg is a very big dose for 5-Meo DMT. It's like to smoke 60-100mg of DMT freebase. It's too much. You just overdosed it. 10mg is a strong dose of 5-Meo. Full dose is about 12mg. People have breakthrough with DMT freebase at 30mg. But 5-Meo... this is not a freebase. 10mg is enough for breakthrough. No wonder your legs shaked at 30mg of this very strong substance. How to intergrate you know the best because it was your own trip but I'd smoke less of 5-Meo next time.

CloudyDays,

Thank you so much for sharing. I am sorry it was such a profoundly difficult experience.

Have you had rough trips (with any substance) in the past? Did you feel in the long run you gained anything from those experiences?

I cannot recall my highest 5meo dose but I'm pretty sure it was under 15 mgs. That got intense and even kind of open eyed visual.

Your experience sounds completely different from what I remember. It sounds somewhere between intensely therapeutic and insightful and traumatic.

It is not easy awakening as a male in a culture that is dominated by male violence and greed. If that is what happened that is.

I think that time will be an ally here. Time is integral to integration. Time to think things over, talk them out, figure out what they mean.

I was very impressed that you saw this as an opportunity to break the chain.

I hope you will start to feel better as a few more days pass and please continue to keep us posted.

-Pandora

Thank you for sharing. I hope you keep unpacking that experience and that you don't feel like you overdid it. It sounded like a tough experience but also quite beneficial.

I should double check this. I thought that is what the guide said, but maybe I mis-heard. In any case it was a lot for me.

Pandora and BobDobbs, thanks for the encouraging words. Many of my trips are difficult. For whatever reason I often experience waves of deep sadness. But this one took it to a new level. I’d love to have one of those unity experiences where I am one with the universe, but so far my path has been more difficult.

Male energy is wonderfully creative and terribly destructive. In some ways we, as a society, do a pretty good job channeling it toward the beautiful, but there is plenty of ugly as well. I see DMT Nexus as a force for good in that regard, helping both males and females evolve to their best selves.

My Good Friend CloudyDays,

Hang in there. Time is an ally. I also have had a lot of rough experiences and am now fully integrated after 7 years of abstention.

In case you are unaware or forgot, I want to tell you about a site called Erowid.org. It is far from perfect but you can look up drugs and see suggested doses for various levels of effects, lists of positives and negatives and experience reports. I have found it to be very helpful, in particular the dosages guides when exploring new compounds.

-Pandora

How often have you cried - properly and deeply - during your trips, and just kept on crying until it was all done? By the sounds of it you perhaps haven't navigated all the way through that space and out the other side yet. What body positions have you been in while crying, and where exactly w.r.t. your surroundings have you been positioned?

My experiences with blubbing my heart out (alone, on mushrooms) showed me how cleansing this process can be, and they appeared to be key to some next-level experiences for me at the time. Crying is or has been a fairly taboo thing for a male to do - I always got teased mercilessly at school for crying easily and this was a major hindrance to self-expression in the long run.

All that said, and like Pandora says, it still took me some considerable period of of time to integrate (in my case it would make Pandora look quick) and now probably is best defined as an ongoing process. Let's call it 'life'. What especially motivates me in saying all this is the living certainty that fully releasing into and beyond these challenging emotions into a place of phenomenal clarity, connection and oneness exists for you too. May the grace of God* bring you there!


*Other terms for a higher power, supreme being, spirit of nature, or the oneness of everything may be used as appropriate.

Hi, wew heavy story,
rooting for you...

Passed trough information by generations is an asset for surviving. So it could be fact, this reason you mention for your grief.

Another potential factor could be: another reason, for this tears waterfall.
Fully responsible, or partly, who knows.
Yet a reason not readily in the center of your viewscope, or having a reason to hide from your upper layer of attention. A known concept like "passed trough information" might win the contest of who's donnit?

Please don't get me wrong, I'm won for passed trough information concept. Just opening the can of possibilities and picking out a worm.

As said here, I suppose also that there must be an end on the tunnel somewhere somehow, and riding trough it might be not the baddest of strategies.
Things might be otherwise, if the tunnel behaves like a maze actually, then a therapy of whatever sorts might help? Tunnel or maze, probably has a grey zone too.

I have cried in many of my trips. Nothing as extreme as this last time, though. I like the idea that working through this grief will open the door to the next level.

Finding the reason where it comes from, if that ever happens because of uncertainty, might help in understanding the issue (if one is not mislead in the course!) but imho this is still not effectively dealing with it. Running a flat tire isn't helped by understanding where exactly the nail was picked up or what metal the nail consist of. It just needs to be dealt with. Please forgive a little generalization.

Hopefully, repetition and giving in as a strategy might wear it out, riding it out, as mentioned. But this can as well harden it even deeper, as being the nature of a pattern, it wants to be executed no matter under which flag.

A huge part of my life was burdened with atrocious night dreams, bloody and fearful. It was a pattern with no clue of it's origin. I believe time is a powerful wiper of things, but cannot wipe what we hold on to ourselves, by automation or whatever reason. This was key to my take-on: it was ME executing repetitively like a junkie, stuck in a whirlpool of own making. I made those dreams, I was the architect each night again. The reason looked as light as it is simple: pattern. I had no interest in it's initial birth, I had only interest in how to go from there. I ended the why-and-how riddle with the possibility that I was kind of addicted to the adrenaline shot it delivered.

So I would turn to myself and say to myself: I'm done with those adrenaline situations due fearsome dreams. I see the pattern and I'm going to end it. I am not going to do that anymore. I don't want those situations anymore. I'm fed up with those. and so on....
This became a prevailing mind and thought set, throughout the day for weeks as long as needed. Reprogramming. Entering new set points. I make my dreams, I am responsible, now I steer away from that. I'm going to make more fun dreams from now on,.... actually brainwashing myself, motivating, digging for new opportunities.

Doing that, I found that actually, for those chronic dreadful night dreams, I've always been more of a spectator in victim modus. That was good hummus for a pattern. We tend to loop in things and some loops don't get questioned hard, rather felt as inescapable, case close. I think there is a hinge that needs to be greased. Internal dreadful landscapes might as well be paintings on a paper thin sheet, readily to be seen as such and torn apart by setting out new standards, asking for those, wanting those, going for those...

I don't know if this helps, or is applicable for your situation. Just sharing..

Good food for thought, Jees. I have always assumed that relaxing into unpleasant trips would allow the pain to resolve. I think you are suggesting that the opposite might happen: a habit of misery forms. I am going to chew on that one.