I would like to provide a little context for the above. It seems out of place relative to my actions and behaviors on the forum.

In saying that I never learned the meaning of hard work I mean it in regards to certain types of cognitive development and effort applied in different classes and kinds of tasks. At work for example I do work very hard (probably why they had me work three different departments yesterday). The gym is another good example.

This is specifically tied to intrusive thoughts and feelings that I have been delivered by my depression. For a long time I've had hang ups about and trouble understanding my perceived "intelligence" (whatever that is: perhaps mine "eats itself" ) and my felt lack of "accomplishment." I tend to have a hard time approaching something meaningful to do with confidence (such as writing, music, or other kinds of projects) because I tend to get caught up in the "I don't know what I'm doing" state. There's a certain acclimation and ease that I have taken for granted with some things.

Aspects of my upbringing and interactions with my father play a role. He definitely soured a lot of things. It influenced me to not really care about certain things in certain ways.

It's a self-esteem conundrum.

So as a correction of myself, much of this can be reduced to just never really having learned the meaning and value of hard work with certain categories and things.

Always growing.

Thank you for reading my poetry and humoring my diatribes.



One love

We're none of us all one thing. Self-examination is hard work, and you have an abundant supply of that!

Reminds me of something that I heard a while ago:

Some smart people tend to hit a wall at some point.
Growing up they get used to not putting effort into intellectual tasks because they basically didnt need to like their peers did.
They never get challenged so they never learn to put in the work.

And then they get depressed because they know they are smart yet they suck at life, there is also a bunch of internal and external expactation about the self, etc...

Essentially, smart kids are special needs kids.

This is like saying: intelligence is something that has been given to you and for which you don't have the slightest credit. It is not like that.
The development of intelligence is linked to many factors: biological and cerebral predisposition, environmental factors(the more stimuli you receive in a certain age and the more your brain develop), luck (as in everything) but also hard work...Therefore, being intelligent is in itself proof of being a person who has worked, because you have to welcome the stimuli (it's not enough to be surrounded by them, you have to get your antenna to work) and you have to exploit the opportunities.

That's a poetry thread, so I will stop here!

Have you been ghostwriting my biography?

This must be why I found your last poem hilarious, Void (Hope you don't mind - we both know how it is, eh? In your case, several orders of magnitude more than me, tbf.)

Way to flip the script. Thank you kindly, brother.



Yes, to a degree, I suppose. However, I never really compared myself to my peers in this way growing up and never really noticed that many people struggling so... Nevertheless, as the poem states, no I have not really learned how to "put in the work."

And these last two points, are they your stance or just you paraphrase of the source in which you encountered this idea? Seems a little loaded, don't ya think?



I see things similarly, and also think about there being more than one kind of intellectual intelligence.



I'm glad someone did And it's all good.

And yes we do And thank you for always being a sounding board and source of wisdom as I navigate it.

And perhaps you're right on that last part.

One love

Paraphrase.
Hmm, I dot see the loadedness, might be a bit out of context though.
I think the point was that high IQ people are not necessarily "gifted", they can have their own set of challenges in life because of it. The good ol double edge sword.

I got ya . I just thought they way it was delivered was ambivalently funny and was having fun with my weird sense of humor

One love

A free-from poem that I allowed to just flow.

Inner Clarity

As I make a turn,
Around a corner,
Into Darkness,
A stream of Clarity
Flows before my inner Eye.
Overly punctilious,
There is nothing to Prove.
Exterior Sentiments stand,
As they are.
There's nothing to justify,
No matter the gravity,
Despite the Elevation,
But much to assimilate.
The broken ego mends,
As a result,
Of the Acceptance,
Of outer Observation.

Lessons Learned,
Overwrought Considerations,
Is a trap.
And defensive Mechanisms,
As those brought about,
From Trauma and Paranoia,
Are self-Sabotaging.

Seen, as I Seem to be seen,
What Arrogance I've had,
In attempting to Justify,
Another's endearing Observations.
There's no need,
To live up to it,
For it's Already extant,
By virtue of its delivery.
I need not worry,
About disappointing.

But why such grasping,
And Fighting against,
Anyway?
A Damaged ego,
Cannot readily Believe,
Beneficial things,
Relative to its host.

So how long,
Then,
Will this Clarity last.

One love

I like it.

Thank you kindly. Always growing. Always learning

One love

I like it as well. Especially the Haikus. Poetry and entheogens seem to go together nicely. Do you ever draw or add visual art to any of your poems?

I have not but will probably start to now that you gave such a good idea. Thank you.

I find that I want to do art but never really know what to do. Now I have a source to drive some creativity.

One love

Just remember that "ART" comes in many forms and mediums. I used to frustrate myself to no end trying to sketch or paint what was clear as a bell in my head. Could not get it to look anywhere near what I wanted. Then I found other mediums to work in like collage, digital painting, photography, motion picture cameras and digital video recorders, non linear editing, optical printing and a whole bunch of other mediums I could express my artistic passions in. Poetry is also are, so you are already creating art in written word form. See what other mediums feel right to you. Happy Art making...

A tanka resulting from my boredom at work

Bifurcated mind
Paradox in paradox
Antimony clear
Periscoped contradiction
Aware of chaos


One love

You pernicious demon.
I have never feigned or faltered,
In looking you dead in your caitiff eye.
You may have ruled over,
And plagued my existence,
Longer than I recall.
But you're dancing with a monster.
You may invade and colonize,
Not only my mind,
But my essence,
My being.
And often you win.
But you only win battles.
I will win the war.
Despite your influence,
Towards modes of suicide,
This monster knows,
That it ends when they say it ends.
You think you weaken,
You think you dessicate,
And obliterate.
But that's your folly.
Your error.
Your mistake.
For this monster only gets stronger,
In battling with you.
Remember,
This monster always,
Looks the demon dead in the eye.
You underestimate,
This enigmatic monster.
And as it finds,
It's sense of inner faith,
It is you that will be,
Eviscerated and,
Consumed.
I will eat you.
It's only a matter of time.
You are the demon,
I am the void monster.
You will,
Evanesce,
You existence will cease,
Within the confines of my being.
Or you may always be there,
But no longer in control.
You are the demon.
I am the void monster.
Prepare to die.
Exile.

One love

Powerful!

That's the spirit.

Thanks guys. Yesterday was a challenge. I decided to conquer it in whatever mood and way I wanted.

One love

Attaboy!

That demon don't know who they're messing with.