My wonderful Hauchuma cactus had finally grown to a reasonable size ( I been growing this piece for almost 2 years now) so I decided to cut an arm’s length one for medicine and another for replanting in the ground. The work began on Friday night. With my mother plant safely healing under my porch. I took my cutting to the kitchen where I began patiently removing the spikes on the ridges and then cutting segments longitudinally. The sound of the icaros on my sound system providing a wonderful backdrop. I cut the dark green section and a little of the white, got a big pot and started the brewing with a dash of limes fresh from my garden. Continuing boiling the cactus on the sunny day the following day, I spent the night, the next whole day and then the night again. Transferring contents and squeezing the remnants and re-boiling and then combining the brew. I did not sleep the Saturday night but followed the brewing process patiently on my gas stove in the night. In the foam I saw numerous shapes and I called to it. Palo Santo incense filled the kitchen. On Sunday morning I had 1 litre of cactus with that wonderful taste so I know it’s just right. I could have boiled it down more, but I am not squeamish and was prepared to drink all of it. Little did I know that I wouldn’t need to…

I packed my bag early in the morning and by 6am I was out my door walking into the surrounding empty hills that surround my quiet town. Looking for an ideal place once I was out in the hills was tricky. Eventually I decided to just sit down wherever I was amongst the wild grass and lit my incense said my intention (it’s always healing, in one form or another it seems) and began to drink the brew rapidly. Once I had drunk a quarter, I looked up and noticed I was under electricity poles which an inner voice told me that this was not the best place.

I wandered further found a cairn and some rocks overlooking the town but faraway enough to be quiet. I brought out my tambourine and began to chant and call out. The effects begin to come on, saliva fills my mouth, nausea teases the edges of my experience but luckily the lime cut most of that down. I also brought fresh lime to bite into. I had not eaten anything. I see a plant ahead, a woody shrub with many branches. I go to hug it and then it begins….

“Mother, mother, oh how I miss you….”

The colours are swirling, fragments of fractals spinning under my eyes, dragging me into it. “Oh Mother, heal me”

My mum died 10 years ago of a cancerous tumour in her brain. The doctors of course prescribed invasive surgeries and chemotherapy. She never survived the 6 months. When she died my family imploded, everyone blamed each other, but she was gone, and when we cremated her, tears refused to fall from my eyes…

“Oh mother how I miss you…. I am so sorry… I am sorry I wasn’t there, I am sorry I didn’t visit more and show you how much I loved you, oh mother oh please forgive me…

The tears flow freely now, I am sprawled on the earth, the fractals and whispers lashing me and when I look up electricity leaps from my fingers and the edges of my tambourine. This was similar to when I was playing a lute when I had my first Hauchuma experience, each time I plucked a string, sand flowed from it into the ether, now electricity crackled and the turbulence of my emotions buffeted me against the storm of my regrets…

“Oh how I wish I was there mother. .. i miss you..., I …please forgive me mother…." The pleading and remorse washed over me providing a closure to the whole event a decade later. I was enthralled and this was a purge. And the presence of my mother was so strong, in the earth, the air, the tree I was hugging, the ground. Hugging the ground I’m felt the earth embrace me, wrap its power over my chest, into every sore point in my body. Electricity continued to spark and I had no idea whence it was coming from, the clouds my brothers, where circling overhead. Usually I like to meditate on them but this time I was facing my inner psyche, eyes shut, wrapped in the swelling of the visuals and the embrace of the earth. My mother, my earth mother, help me make the right choices..

And then the storm ended, still in the throes of Hauchuma with more than a third of my medicine left. I packed my bags and headed down the hill back home… with my heart lighter as if a weight was lifted of and my soul still struck by the wonderful mystery of this mama matrix….

"And this little light of mine
A gift you passed onto me
I'm gonna let it shine
To guide you safely on your way
Your way home

Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescence
Difficult to see you in this light
Please forgive this bold suggestion
Should you see your maker's face tonight
Look him in the eye
Look him in the eye, and tell him
"I never lived a lie, never took a life
But surely saved one
Hallelujah, it's time for you to bring me home"

Wings, Pt 2, Tool, 2005, 10000 days[/i]

That’s a beautiful experience. Growing your own cactus and preparing the brew yourself surely does add a lot of extra in the outcome.

I have not taken cactus myself but hope to do one day. What kind of visuals does cactus produce? Is it comparable to ayahuasca?

Wow, thank you so much for sharing this. Sounds like a very healing and cathartic experience.

Thank you strtman, yes I also feel having a relationship with the plant, especially when one grows it, provides the foundation for a good outcome.

Visually I find mushrooms, aya, changa, and mescal to be of a similiar type. I call it DMT land and it seems that each of these has a similar fractal,swirling and colourful experiences. Its the temper/emotion of the experience that is so different. Cactus is a slow burn with the experience lasting many hours but at its peak it is similiar to mushrooms I find.

Thank you DK,my brother, I always appreciate your replies, your unique perspective

Yes it was extremely healing and cartharthic for me. . But the whole experience was gentle with me, the cactus goes deep, and yet not for a moment was I afraid or thinking that this was too much.