Here is trip report for a recent experience with DMT. It is a long post and may be written a bit chaotically, I attempted to included as much information about this experience as possibly as well as explore some interesting points. Apologises in advanced if it doesn’t read well or is to overwhelming but looking forward to hear some responses and insights.
Stage 1: Engage reality disintegration
For this occasion, I made 60% DMT enhanced S divinorum leaf without any MAOI and I decided to do ~70 mg (40-42 mg of DMT). It was a rather nice spring day; the sun was shining and had quite a bit of heat. I travelled to my usually tripping forest for this occasion but this time hiking further into the forest where I came to a nice clearing. I sat down and took my time before heating the bowl until plumes of vapour began to fill the pipe and enter my lungs. I slowly and steadily inhaled until everything was gone and my lungs were completely filled.
Before I had even finished inhaling, my vision started to vibrate and crystal/glass shard like visuals began to shadow over my environment. It was as if the lens of reality began to crack and perforate while simultaneously everything began to feel digitized and of hyper-definition quality. Interestingly there was no sound that I can recall, it came over with a deathly silence. I lay back and closed my eyes and held my breath until my body and breath swiftly became unrecognisable. The visual component of the trip was growing in intensity until it seemed to stop, almost like it was waiting for me to exhale. I could feel other energies and elements all waiting for the show to begin. By the time I was ready to exhale, my body was so twisted and deformed that exhaling felt like it was not coming from me but rather a separate balloon like ball of energy within the space rising up and popping.
And with that exhale everything flung away, and I shot through the veil, reality was no more.
Stage 2: The Control Centre
What felt like silent nuclear explosion, my entire being was engulfed in golden digital geometry. I could physically feel my body begin to disconnect from my mind. In an instant my heart stopped, and my breathing shallowed, grew distance and stopped altogether, my body was disintegrating, and my consciousness was disconnecting from human existence, a primitive realisation came from within that this was death. It all quickly grew to an intensity and complexity surpassing anything contained within the 3-dimensional boundaries of reality, leading to the formation of what was perceived to be a hyperdimensional and timeless space/dimension. Everything was pulsing, flowing, and transforming as if it was some sort of intensely energetic alien fluid not restricted by human comprehension and consensus physical laws. Simultaneously, the entirety of my humanity was disintegrating as if I had slipped into a blackhole which was dissolving and condensing everything into a singular infinite primordial dimension. It was all incomprehensibly fast and chaotic, not in a negative sense, but rather it was simply the nature of this dimension. Chaos describes the space adequately, chaotic in pace and intensity but also chaos as in raw, undefined, and objective. I feel the definition of chaos derived from chaos gnostic philosophy fits well "Chaos is an infinidimensional, timeless and primordial plane of undefined energy, in contrast to reality which only has three spatial dimensions and one linear time dimension, ordered and defined". There was no doubt upon entering here that I was somewhere behind the curtain of reality, or more aptly this was the true raw state of consciousness and reality itself. The source of all experience and the undefined digital energy/code which comprised the physical universe if you will. Gaining a glimpse into what exists behind the simulation and the digital reality we are in, a glimpse at the raw hyperdimensional structure and architecture of consciousness and reality itself.
Within this hyperdimensional space was an intelligence, non-humanoid creatures which were both separate to as well as embedded into the fluid-like digital geometry. They were the architects and the controllers of this primordial control centre. I think the archetype of the shepherd or machine works well here was this entities seemed to be directly involved in the processes of consciousness separating from the physical form. The overseers of the process of death and disintegration from the physical realm back into the infinite network of the source. I feel after many experiences with similar entities that they may not be autonomous being but rather intelligent embodiments of the code, a program derived from the architecture with the sole purpose of facilitating ones exit from the simulation and dissolution into the source of consciousness. They were neutral in nature, not negative nor positive, but communicated and interacted with my disembodied consciousness. They were explaining what now is incomprehensible exactly what was occurring here and what exactly it was all about. They were higher more advanced immaterial beings, the controllers and architects of the code/chaos and the mind behind the fundamental framework of reality.
The experience was death, dying and entering the beyond, a near death experience and a glimpse of the true construction of reality and consciousness. Everything and all connection to reality and self was disintegrated and dissolved into this infinite raw energy network. Objects and people familiar to me would appear out from the digital architecture, like bubbles, briefly appearing before bursting and dissolving back into it. Interestingly, these would appear to be composed of the same materials as here in reality, appearing visually exactly the same as a person would look, in contrast to everything else within this space which was fluid-like, geometrical, digital, hyper dimensional and intensely energetic. It was my life or life in general flashing before my eyes. The entities governing the experience communicated this was part of the dissolution of my humanity, watching as everything and everyone I had known would cease to exist. Simultaneously, this demonstrated that all things in reality are encoded and emergent from and will return to this raw infinite hyperdimensional energy code which was the source. We are immersed some sort of construct built from this chaos, governed by higher intelligences, a simulation if you will and this is the raw code behind it. This was it, a sense of finality coupled with an intense realisation that this was all that existed. Nothing existed outside of here whilst everything was within here. The singularity, the raw code and absolute reality, the control centre of all simulations and games, the source, the structure, and nature of a digital universe
I don't remember much of my visit here, so much was happening that I couldn't possibly bring back to sobriety. Could have been the dose was too high but more aptly I believe that when consciousness is stripped of the ego and humanity to the degree which occurs within these experiences, it is impossible to recall what exactly occurs within as it all exists beyond the confines of normal waking consciousness. Additionally, how does one recall something hyperdimensional and the true nature of the game while existing within the game within a 3-dimensional mind. The fact that we briefly step outside of it allows us to experience what it really is, but once we return it is no longer comprehensible, in much the same way we cannot imagine what its like to be outside of consciousness. There was definitely an intensity and ferociousness within this experience which leads to class it as a “death experience”, a full breakthrough into something not just alien but fundamental to existence itself. This wasn’t simply a tour of hyperdimensional space and greetings with extradimensional entities through a disembodied consciousness, but rather this experience was a deep dive through death, into the depths of reality and consciousness itself and the experience of the foundational blueprint of it all through the extreme and chaotic dissolution.
Stage 3: The Truman show
At some point I exited this dimension, and my brain began to attempt to reintegrate with reality and self. However, what was experienced next was not a smooth decent back into body and mind but rather something in which the words “psychotic” and “delusional” fit well.
I don’t really remember how it all started nor much of the information which was experienced during this stage (I more remember towards to end of this stage as by that point most of my memories and normal cognition had returned), however it was all centred around a main theme.
This stage revolved around how I was living out something resembling the nature of the Truman show. This was experienced through hyper-realistic dream-like mental scenes and scenarios coupled with an intense download of explanatory information and insight into a grand awakening or reveal of a conspiracy occurring in the background of everyday existence. Nothing in my life it what it seems, nothing about my reality is real apart from myself, everything and everyone is part of an elaborate experiment. I am living in some sort of false reality and behind the scenes are people or beings watching, controlling, manipulating, and investigating my existence. They know everything I know, with complete awareness of my mind and thoughts, in a way that I was a video game character unaware that everything was being controlled. I had a realisation that DMT is their technology, something created which allowed my neurology to be accessed and manipulated but simultaneously for me to access the framework and understand the experiment I am within. This program or simulated reality if you will, is controlled by people/beings with hyper advanced technology, technologies I saw which surpassed anything I knew possible, all aimed at controlling how this game is played and/or observing what plays out in this experiment. I don’t think they were sinister or evil, nor positive, they were simply there to neutrally control me, like I was a lesser evolved animal similar to how we control dogs to work for us. Their plan revolved around leading me through life for their goal of maintaining some hyperdimensional balance between good and evil, right and wrong, positive and negative, showing me the path but not forcing me to take it but watching and learning,
All these rapidly changing and evolving visions and thoughts were explanations of how it all works and is put together, a grand realisation that there is something larger than myself in the background of my daily life, a bigger story, a truer objective, and reality behind my everything. They had intimate knowledge of reality and human beings, as if they had built it and/or knew how to manipulate it through advanced technology for their goals. They were working outside of it, as if I was living under a dome or in the Truman show. Waking up to something always lurking in the shadows of my everyday existence.
But now it was as if the jig was up, I figured out what was really happening, all I could think was “oh shit, what the fuck is going on?” as I was flooded with the elaborate and crystal-clear understanding of this “shadow governments” plan. It all felt like it was leading to a crescendo that involved the lifting of the curtain in front of the stage, everyone on earth turning their heads and revealing they were all a part of it, as well as me being taken and locked away due to figuring it all out. The end of their experiment that was my life.
The main difference between this stage and stage two, was there no hyperdimensional geometry or extra-dimensional entities, I was no longer a disembodied consciousness merged into the infinite geometric fluid network beyond death and life. This was realistic, photorealistic scenes/visions with crystal clear realisations, all built on the blueprint of reality and my memories in a way, I could fully comprehend and understand. I was “myself” and on "earth", albeit an altered earth where a larger, more advanced, and deeper conspiracy was occurring in the background unbeknownst to me. The illusion had fallen away, and I was revealed to the truth.
What was interesting though was this all sounds horrifying but it wasn’t, I was more in euphoric acceptance that this was how it was and there was nothing I could do about it, there was no fighting or running from this so I would just lay there and let it happen. This wasn’t the first time I had an experience like this, and I think it must be said for the purposes of mental health that I do not believe that this is necessarily real or truthful in any way that would change my behaviour or mindset according to this type of experience. Of course, these types of experiences must be treated with caution as to not let ones psyche slip into accepting these as truths in sobriety. However, I will explore why I think they occur
Stage 4: Putting it back together
So once most of the effects wore off and I was feeling “myself again”, I got up from under the tree I was laying and began to hike through the bush contemplating what just occurred. I have had a few high dose experience where towards the end it would go to the stage outlined previously. In the past I had always disregarded this as some sort of transgression on my behalf which led to “fucked up” experience. "Maybe my dose was too high", Maybe my set and setting were wrong". But this time was different, my dose while high was not ridiculous, my mindset was as optimal as it was going to get, and my environment was as peaceful and beautiful as it could be.
So then why did this happen?
I would like to think that once your mind is exiting the DMT dimension that it would be a seamless transition from death back to life, but honestly, I have come to realise it this “landing” is not as smooth as previously thought. Sure, if the experience is not extreme in its dissociation and dissolution than maybe this landing is smooth, but for experiences like I have described here where death and chaos underly it all this simply isn’t the case. At least in my experience.
At the very least, psychedelics disrupt the brain ability to maintain equilibrium. This isn’t normal cognitive functioning and essentially nothing is functioning the way it should, hence the extreme dissociation and dissolution. Simply, the more of a substance you take, the more this equilibrium is disrupted, and the more that has to be put back together. However, the brain is extremely good at bouncing back once the effects wear off.
But what exactly does the bounce back from something described in stage two look like? How does the brain or mind attempt to comprehend the incomprehensible? How does it take that experience and integrate it into part of its reality and ego-based framework. How does one interpret the information and nature of what had just transpired.
Well in my experience, what I outlined in stage three is exactly that. I think many others can attest to that what I have outlined in stage three has strikingly similar insights to stage two or DMT experiences in general. “Life is a lie, everything is an illusion, this is the truth, there is greater more true reality behind everything where greater more advanced civilizations/beings reside and control, your life is nothing but a small part of something bigger, we are a part of some sort of digital simulation, and this is the underlying framework”.
However, instead of the mind objectively comprehending something it is not programmed to but can still experience, it attempts to compensate through autonomously taking the raw insight/information/realisations it received there and build its own version utlising the same fundamental blueprint. So instead of being of alien in nature, it is reality based. It cannot recall of grasp the hyperdimensional, egoless and infinite nature of what it experienced as it is beyond normal human cognition, but it can grasp what it meant. Therefore, it attempts to build a vast, elaborate, and complex mental scenario that utilises the core message of stage two and builds it based on the blueprint of memories, self, and reality. Thus, while the mind cannot truly comprehend or understand, the true nature of stage two, it can with stage three as it is built to be within the realm of possibilities and human comprehension.
The underlying core does not differ between stage two and three, just the way it is experienced. Therefore, I believe based on a few experiences that stage three is the mind’s attempt to re-establish equilibrium as well as integrate and comprehend what occurred in stage two utlising the received inexplicable message/nature but building it off the reality/ego blueprint. I think of this similar to dreams in which the mind creates scenarios and scenes in order to compensate the lack of sensory information. In this case however, the mind creates these scenarios to compensate the dissolution of reality/self and the experience of something truly incomprehensible. Additionally, as these experiences cause such a disruption in cognitive equilibrium, I imagine the mind objectively perceives the experience as traumatic and shocking. Basically, you are experiencing complete death and dissolution of reality/existence. Therefore, in order to process the shock and trauma it builds a “picture” of the events of stage two that it can comprehend. While others often experience blackouts for extreme doses, no matter the dosage I have never found myself waking up after an experience with no recollection of having an experience.
In my experience, stage three dissipates quickly once a majority of the effects subside, and equilibrium is re-established. There is almost like a snap where my full cognition returns, and I no longer “believe” the story and thus it only persists for 20-30 min after the main experience. It defiantly seems to be a consequence of larger dosages and seems to occur more extremely the stronger the breakthrough, death, reality dissolution and the more incomprehensible it all is. I have also seen it happen on dosages of Salvia but only once I reach a certain dosage and it doesn’t seem to happen on “regular doses” of DMT, hence my hypothesis.