i doubt if i should say all this i don't want to spread hate but anyway its worth trying.
summarize:
1-i doubt everything 2-i am tired of everything 3-i think everything is worthless maybe except god? 4-i don't find any way to get better

i never talk about my depression with anyone because most people don't know how to help me and they just say go to doctor.even doctors they don't care what im saying.they just want to diagnose and define what is our illness and then do what they are told do to their patients.
sometimes i think this world is too much wothless for me to stay and live.and i know nihilism and what they say about the world and everything that is absurd and there is no goal for life.
but thats not my case.i know if i go to the doctor they don't differentiate me from others and they just prescribe or just use cbt and other treatments which i have tried and i know they don't work for me but because no one listen what i am saying and what i really need therefor they just do what they want.and even they listen to me they still cant help.because this isn't what they have learned in the university or hospital.
i want to ask if anyone has this feeling and how they overcome that.what does dmt tells us about price of the world?after seeing dimensions and higher self can you accept to live with lower self and cheap life?most people i saw here are in love with their emotions.i think emotions isn't an important goal.
i think i lost all my values.couple months ago i said to my doctor that i am going to commit suicide in the future(future is this month)..
i thought i should commit suicide to reach a greater world and i will be happier after life.
doctor wanted to hospitalize me but suddenly i realized that i am wrong about what i was thinking.i doubt that what i saw in my psychedelic experience is afterlife or even if it is real at all.
sometime later i found out that the world i know is too much childish and priceless.
there was a time when i missed my childhood and i wanted to go back and see my old days.i thought those things are valued and are a good thing.but now when i see my whole life it is absurd.not only my life,but everyone and everything.even enjoying itself is absurd.i think the most valued thing that may be present is god or whatever perfect being it is.as long as we are limited to our minds and we cannot be a better being we are wasting time.maybe if i die i'll be a better thing.but i cant be sure about that.i think if i die i'll be still in this absurd cycle of humans and what most people think for afterlife is not going to make me happy.i know as long as i have not experienced phenomenon i cant say it is good or bad for me.but the thing is i lost my hope in everything.i still have some good and joyful moments in my life but i think its misleading.sometimese even my favorite musics are going to irritate me by reminding nothing good happens after listening to it.i think i should change.but i don't know change to what.and im not working a lot or some sort of tired so i don't think i need a break.
i doubt if i even exist.but i feel pain so i need to change something.i am neglecting my desires and i don't want it because its not gonna take me to anything important.
maybe because i got too much skeptic i got tired of myself.but i think its the way of right thinking and we cant conclude in any way we like to.that wont make us to reach to the truth(if there is any).
you may say doubt that if you should doubt at all. i cant get certain whenever i want to.thats not wise.
doubt if you should be wise...then i probably loose whatever i have.
you may think i don't have enough information to judge anything.if you know something i would appreciate to learn from you. but if you say you don't know you should search more... is not gonna make me believe you.i don't find any thing new or precious to put my time on it.
how do you define a value?what is value?i'd say it is whatever is good and important to me is called value.i don't know what is actually important and what is actually good.it happened after i realized i may not even have a soul.i may not be able ever go beyond my self.this is just some possiblities.
and i cant use psychedlic to get advise from entities even if i could i wouldn't do that i have experienced many drugs i think they are wasting time like everything else.i have some anger about this world that may burst or get worse after i use hallucinogen.and i have hppd and i have a history of mental illness.even if i get hospitalized or some sort of treatment the problem is not gonna solve like that.maybe electro shock can make my mind forget about this things and save my life,but i don't want to play with myself.it will get back.
maybe i am amplifying it too much.but you don't know exactly how i feel.
so i am literally f***ed up and i cant find any help.forgive me for talking too much.

before you get depressed i should say a moment ago i prayed to god and begged him to save me.so he did.
now i think i should doubt in a good way.its not always bad right?
maybe i should think that my life is gonna get better and maybe everything is not bad at all.there are many good possibilities.

Having severe depression also, I feel for you, truly.

Perhaps this can help you turn your skepticism on itself a little.

Perhaps this can help you as well.

Bear in mind, there are a lot of biochemical factors that impact and influence depression as well. Sometimes seroterngic molecules can help provide relief and understanding.

Apologies. I want to give a more thoughtful response but have to head into work. You seem to be hurting, so I wanted to get a little something to you.



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thankyou for your kindness
i have read psychological books and i know what tunnel view means.when you cant see positive things.
if 10 min ago some psychologist told me that you should doubt in a good way i could say im too tired to do that.
but when you feel the answer from a greater being that could help you more and make you get hope to something diffetent than what you have been tired to.i still have fear to loose this hope.

I certainly understand. Many things can appear easier when the answer seems given to us. However, I do believe that what you seek and the answers you want can be found within.

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You and the world both have abundant worth and value. You may decide it's time that you want to feel that value of yourself, your life, and the world you live in. And when I say feel it, I'm of course not talking about drugs unless there is something that could help and I don't suggest heavy things in less than ideal situations because when I've done that it wasn't easy and simplified, instead it complicated things and I want other people to have simplified benefit.

Definitely talk to somebody. Utilize a therapist maybe. ( No judgement on you when I suggest it. I have a therapist I talk to weekly on webcam from home. )


Try to do nice things for yourself and tell yourself you deserve to enjoy them and are entitled to enjoyment. Start with simple things you try and invest optimism into. Maybe a relaxing shower then slip into your comfiest clothes and make a hot coco. Try to be aware of the momentum you make for yourself and keep it in the right direction. And I know how much more easily said than done it is. I've been there and I'm still not out of it. We are works in progress. Wishing peace and love to you.

First of all, congratulations for the courage to expose yourself like that and searching help. It is not something that everyone can do. It will seem normal to you, but it is something you have to appreciate about yourself.

I will be very direct: I honestly have no answers to your questions. I had a moment in my life where I fell into a very severe depression, and I too came close to suicide. The problem is, I don't know how I got out...

We can start with one thing, however, which relates to the first part of my message. Learn to love yourself! Try to look at yourself in the third person, and try to notice the good things about that person.
I can help you a little in this (by analyzing what you have written in these months in this forum): you are a person who asks the kind of questions that everyone would like to ask but nobody asks, and you expose yourself: you are brave. You are not hiding behind excuses, you are analyzing your difficult situation as clearly as you can: you are honest.

I know it is difficult in the state of mind that you are in, to appreciate what you can do and what you are. But try hard...pretend you're doing a school assignment. Look at yourself in the third person, and try to notice what is positive about you, what is beautiful. Also leaving the rules that society imposes on us. Try writing it down on a piece of paper. It can be simply "I have a good sense of humor", " I respect the opposite sex" etc...

Also respect the self of the future. When I look to the past, I find a person, even just a year ago, in whom I don't recognize myself. What if that person had made some decisions that would have compromised the me of now? Never plug the wings of the future yourself, don't kill the possibilities and hopes you have.
Look to the "future yourself" as a stranger, and treat him with the respect you owe to all human beings. Do what's best for him.
Seeing you in 1 year, do you think that this person will get better after a year of alcohol drunkenness, or do you think they will be better without it. Give yourself an answer and act accordingly. With discipline, too.

I don't know if this is your thing at all, but I've been coming back to this sung mantra of Medicine Buddha again and again when seeking for the healing of the spirit.

https://youtu.be/ggPf3aOFJFk

Nasty thing with depression is that it's really hard to rationalize your way out of it. That's when all activity (be it art, exercise, company of other people) that helps the mind to take a break can really help.

Love and forgiveness 🙏

And even if it seems to hard, or you're indecisive, just do something, anything. Nike got one thing right: Just Do It

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