I didn't know if I should post this because as the title says, it was stupid and reckless (or was it) and also because of the details I will share shortly. I have now decided that if my honesty is too real and I get banned then ill just have to lurk in the anonymous shadows of this forum. Everyone here seems pretty cool though so I don't expect it to be the case.
Two months ago I exited the bouldering gym I frequent at around 22:00 and was approached by a man as I was walking toward my car. He offered me an ounce of shrooms... I thought about it for a few seconds and then said fuck it and accepted.
The next day I ate a single shroom to test out their strength and was pleasantly surprised that it was significantly stronger than the ones I've gotten in brazil (they're always weak AF). light visual distortions, great mood and talked to a ton of people at the bouldering gym.
P.S. Light shroom doses do wonders for talking to the ladies
The next day, a Friday, I decided to attempt a heroic dose of what I eye gauged to be 8 grams. Up until this point, I had eaten loads of shrooms that barely tickled my pickle so I thought 8g was good...
The intent of the trip was to work on my insecurities and hopefully break through my blocks that keep me from letting loose on the dance floor and taking advantage of the situations that come my way that any half living man on this planet would be able to reap with ease. I was to have a massive trip and then go out dancing that night. I procrastinated in taking the shrooms to the point that there was about 6 hours left before the clubs would start getting packed.
Location: a parking lot near a park
Time: an hour before sunset, roughly
Since I had tripped so many times before, I figured I didn't need a sitter, even with the large dose. I still don't know if that was a good idea or not.
I parked my car, ate the shrooms and went for a walk while waiting for the come up. I calculated it so that I would be back at my car when the effects were starting to really kick in.
My calculations were correct and when I finally got back to my car I was really starting to feel them, so I sat in my car and started to get ready for the ride. I don't know why I didn't play any music, as I'm fairly sure that would have avoided part of insanity of the trip. As I was sitting there, a bit of pre large-dose anxiety sank into me for a second, but I quickly reminded myself that there was no turning back and that no I had to deal with whatever I was in for. A few moments later, as I was sitting there and thinking about stuff, a very dark realization just randomly popped into my head: That I was quite strong and could probably kill someone if I wanted to.
Upon that realization entering my head, I Immediately realized I did not like where this trip was going and needed some form of supervision immediately, so I called a dear friend of mine and had him arrange for me to be helped/watched/supervised. I was too high at that point to accurately relay my location to him other than that I was at a park near a bouldering gym and asked him to send the police for me if necessary (I didn't want to cause harm to anyone).
I can't recall why, but we started going back and forth about my home address (the street name itself has a very coincidental and ironic connection to me) and I got very frustrated at the stupidity of our conversation and just started laughing, at which point I realized any evil thoughts were gone from my head.
The call dropped and there I lay (in the back seat), getting higher and higher. At some point the lady he had sent to retrieve me found me, but I was way too high at that point and didn't really know what was going on, so when she asked if I wanted to go with her, I refused and retreated into my car and locked myself in. That was probably a good idea because she probably would have diddled me had I decided to go with her. I remember her stretching her arm out toward me and offering a hand, and then sort of caressing my hand and chuckling. Maybe that's what made me decide to stay in my car.
At this point my memory gets a bit foggy. All I know is it was getting dark, and the park parking lot was getting more and more empty. In my mind, I had first become a god, then the devil and that I would become the posterboy of the anti drug movement because I had become the devil and that the world would unite in an effort to destroy me.
Then, I thought that I had somehow taken enough psychedelics to destroy reality and then I was in hell. in hell, I thought it couldn't get any worse and then I lost all sanity. I was making strange noises, speaking gibberish, doing rock climbing moves on the inside of my car, getting weird old memories of the video game "Age of Empires" and other memories of the present all meshed together. I was somehow aware enough throughout the experience to realize I was insane and remembered feeling bad for my mom.
During that whole phase, I regretfully and shamefully admit that I hershey squirted inside my car and on a bunch of my clothes... and then tasted it. Luckily I eat street food all over the world and that likely prevented me from getting sick.
Keep in mind that this whole time it was getting darker and darker and the parking lot had become empty, feeding the Idea that reality was disintegrating before me.
It was at this point that I believe I had an ego death of sorts. I was just lying in my car, with no understanding of anything at all, no more fear of insanity... I was gone.
After a long while of sitting there like a tossed rag doll, my eyes came to rest on the odometer on my car. It was that number, which I repeated over and over, that helped me stitch back reality and my brain. suddenly I was back and grimacing at the situation at hand. I don't know when it happened, but I was naked. It was also too late to drive home and change to go out, especially since now my car smelled like... hershey's.
In short, I was stupid and reckless, ruined my night and fucked up the interior of my car.
Don't be like me.
I have one other idiotic story that happened before this, but I'm not sure if I want to share it yet.
I still can't figure out whether or not I should have had a sitter for that trip... after all you never know if I might have attacked that sitter. This is the only time I've had any thoughts on that level of darkness.
I think next time I do a heroic dose, I will have someone nearby that can easily restrain me, or at the very least do it far enough away from other humans that any evil thought wont be actionable, although I've never had an experience like that before. Hopefully this never happens again.
I hope to not have any more stories of this caliber of stupidity in the future.
Feel free to make fun of me.