Hello everyone, I am Latino, I am 37 years old, I live with my partner and 16-year-old daughter, I am a graphic designer, I never had anxiety problems or anything psychiatric beyond some serious problem at work, but I always knew there was a solution and I relaxed ............ during the pandemic I developed a generalized panic disorder, it was not so much because of the pandemic as such, but rather that I was suddenly filled with fear of living , I felt that anything I did lacks meaning, I was also filled with fear due to the inevitable death of my loved ones, friends and acquaintances, this triggered eating disorders and depression for not being able to enjoy life, it was an immense emptiness that was triggered by thinking, seeing, hearing or feeling something beautiful, I suffered from having a PERFECT LIFE surrounded by wonderful beings, when I smelled the food I felt very hungry but when I sat down to eat my throat closed and I couldn't pass any food, it gave me more So sad that my wife prepared food for me with so much love and I couldn't even find a way to tell her what was happening to me, I was afraid that if I told it it could be contagious...I remember that one day I was doing my morning exercises (cardio abs and weights) by chance I put a video of an instructor and he was training on a beautiful beach I remember thinking that as hard as the exercise was, training on a beach was priceless that would be wonderful , which should be a beautiful experience, but that triggered a horrible panic in me, I thought that if I were on that beach I would not be able to enjoy it, and for the first time I understood that if I did not seek help I would lose myself in that suffering, so I decided to tell him to me wife and daughter, I requested an appointment with the doctor who sent me to psychology, finally the doctor could never determine exactly what was happening to me, only that it was a panic disorder and that I had to take anxiolytics for a while, but after investigating I understood that no drug could definitively cure my problem, after suffering for 1 year and about 6 sessions of psychotherapy that did not work in the least, because it was getting worse and worse, I went from 75kg to 59kg and now the panic attacks were daily and the anxiety was permanent, at night I woke up as if the next day they were going to kill me, I had to get up at 3 am to walk from one side to another in the room , I felt very cold, then I got into the blankets and began to sweat, I went from being sad to being very angry, I got angry about meaningless things, watching a movie called "the last shaman" that came out on netflix, I met ayahuasca and the rest was like a slide, as james said in the movie, it's been 2 years and I'm still alive, I still have sporadic panic attacks, but I know it's my body calling attention, and if I don't listen to it and adapt to what he needs because he will continue to press, I feel that I led a meaningless life, beyond accumulating but I never understood that I also had to return since then my story has served as an example for other people who suffer like me and do not find a way out in the public health system... ...thank you very much for reading my experience
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Thanks for sharing your experience. It will certainly be useful to many. In certain situations it is difficult to perceive it, especially when you suffer like you did, but among the few things I am sure of in life are:
1 life is beautiful
2 there is always a solution, always!

Welcome to the forum

thanks bro, right now i want to accept a job until january close to the caribbean beach, but i will have to separate from my wife and daughter for longer than ever, i think that strengthens relationships, i am very encouraged