So, i had extracted onto baseleaf from the same Jurema i've been brewing tea out of for a huasca-esque blends (proper aya is Caapi and chacruna for me, Jurema hold too many other active compounds) and the few smoked experiences i've had with it have been odd to say the least. The first i was also on Ketamine, the other 3 since, not. However, when i've broken through each time, it hasn't been the standard world of fractal bliss/machine elves, etc. it's been this frightening solipsism laden experience where i feel like my consciousness is being ran through this infinite loop that my brain for some reason has called Exodia where i have this terrifying notion that all of reality is in all actuality only fragments of a minute long and it's all just some accident tht was never supposed to happen in the first place, and is rapidly dissolving beyond the material plane. (yes, Exodia like from YuGiOh back in the day, and it's not like I ever enjoyed that kind of show/game.)

The visuals are not as colorful, and more of i'm legitimately somewhere totally else and it's kinda scary, but without serious visuals. It almost reminds me of body loads i experienced on 5-meo when i was 18/19 back in 2009. The expereience also seems to be last fractions of the time is supposed to, like completely sober within 5-7 minutes, where it was at least 20 to total baseline in times past.

I'd really love to get back to the hyperspace of beautiful visuals and the calm peace of the next realm i adored with vaporized dmt in years past.

Aya brews are still pleasant and such with it. I know i'm not messing up my extraction path at all either.

I've had rough rides before, but not this consistently and never as identical each time, negative OR positive.

Sounds like the honeymoon stage is ending for you.

There only seem to be "standards of experience" at the beginning but that changes over time.

Two things I say often; it gets weirder the more you do it and DMT always has something new to show you. Strengthen your resolve and keep at it and you'll get there and be able to manage it better with time and practice.

One love

I guess it was almost the opposite regarding standard of experience. They were incredibly varied in times past, positive and slightly negative. I'd had experiences with fractals and elves, ones with real world illusions (visualized my current daughter as she is at 7 years old today back 13 years ago when I was 18, experienced ancestor like beings, don't even get me started with Ayahuasca) and dives into some pretty dark spots.

It hasn't been until revisiting vaporized DMT after a decade working seriously in the pharma/botanical medicine scenes that this has occurred. I'm curious if the fact I'm much more adjusted to breakthrough doses of Ayahuasca, Iboga, psilohuasca and the such now that the vaporized experience just shows itself to be too chaotic to take nearly as serious growth from.

The sub breakthrough euphoria and such is still totally intact, but I'm not about to low dose a spiritual medicine just to induce hedonistic euphoria.

I've had similar confused and chaotic trips this year, smoking changa. Things went from deep, tear inducing beautiful to maniacal chaos in the space of two days with the same batch. This repeated for 3 smokes until I decided that was enough and took a long break. I've not since taken a proper dose of changa. Only smoked a variety of e-mesh attempt ranging between 8-15mg of pure spice. These were mostly calm and very lightly populated with kind spirits.

A big thing was perhaps forcing myself not to trip at night in the house, only in sunlight in the garden. But the chaos was gone. I've not had any bright visual trips for a long while. But some positivity and reassurance is creeping back in

I'd hazard that like me because of high thoughtful use, you may have more ease of access, and thus see more that you may not be comfortable with or prepared for.

And from personal experience, it's a whole new plane and avenue of growth in lower dose experiences. It's not all "hedonism" and growth doesn't need to be fueled by the deepest of experiences, ie you don't need to go the distance each and every time to learn, heal, and grow.

I also am a proponent of finding growth and therapeutic value in the experiences that are difficult to parse or extract direct insights from. Sometimes just being there allows us implicit understanding that goes beyond how we'd describe it.

One love

Honestly *could* be part of the cause, in hindsight the 3 experiences without ketamine were with MAOIs, and even though they mirrored the ketamine experience, maybe it was just the rechurning up of of the lesson i need to face, which MAOIs seem to do a great job of regurgitating over and over until you comprehend it.



Very fair regarding the hedonism concept. I need to check my ego at times and remember that just because the puritan washed nation I reside in likes to regard hedonism as entirely negative, that there is wisdom to be found in all facets of consciousness.

That's a good way of putting it, that helps me to read. I now see that that is exactly what the changa was telling me. I dont know what all the lessons are yet, or am hiding from them. But the regurgitation sounds accurate. Thank you for that.

For me, even low dose experiences can open up vast amounts of work to be done. I've definitely spent a few changa sessions crying away as I do the "work."

One love

After posting this, I'm not sure if it was ego kicking my ass for feeling this way or what, but I forced myself to face the hurdle head on.

Again, the first breakthrough experience was the exact same, yet again. But as soon as I registered the fear, I drew another full draw from a second freshly loaded bowl of changa. It finally put my consciousness past this hang up point, back into the visual field I loved and remembered.

Coming back from that, it's almost like I greeted the consciousness "washing machine" mechanism as an old acquaintance who was relieved. I had finally gotten the message that my fear has been holding me back, from quite a few different current aspects in my life.

Being a full custody single father, my daughter's number one interests have always been front and foremost. That has coerced me to pass up on potential career advancement opportunities out of a fear of them not working out and losing a very good job I'd have to leave to chase them. I brought that up with my exec today, who told me to chase them and my position would always be here, and that for a meager reduction in pay he'd even be willing to carve out some extra time for me to chase it on the side, which an additional 25 hours a week (working about 65 but VERY worth it currently) could accomplish.

Catharsis is an understatement right now.

I can very much relate to this in exploring my troubles going as deep as I'd like. I've talking about said difficulties a lot, but specifically here, I find that there is an equal measure in my sense of responsibility and stress and how hard it is to engage the spice. Despite being aware how benign and safe it is, my neurotic thinking tends to worry about "something" making me lose necessary stability. It's generally irrational. But overall, it's just been hard to push passed fear in a lot of ways.

And I think your boss sounds awesome and I am very happy to hear that. I personally feel trapped in my job/company. Naturally, this is connected to confidence and struggles with risk taking. Kind of biding my time at the moment.

But congratulations on a great experience. Glad you got back in

One love