Hi all,
I am new on this board but have lurked for years. I wanted to share my experience with you.
This report will be an attempt to condense into words the utterly impossible nature of the experiences I had yesterday. I do this mostly for my own benefit, but also I have enjoyed and benefited from reading the accounts of others so I thought it would only be fair to do the same.
To provide a background of myself, I have had experience with several psychedelics, mostly in my early 20s. Mushrooms were perhaps my ‘favourite’ experience, I enjoyed the connection to nature and the process of finding them myself. I had one particularly strong L experience on 360ug which served me as a baseline for how ‘high’ one can go. Needless to say, DMT was altogether different in scope.
Another thing to note, is that as I have read many trip reports, I understand some of what I write here will be shaped by the various descriptions I have read previously. Unfortunately I feel this is unavoidable.
Mindset/preliminaries –
Since watching the spirit molecule documentary in 2011, I had a long standing interest with DMT. For various reasons, mostly fear, I never delved deep. In 2018 I had two experiences with the compound, solo, though I only took very mild doses. 2022 comes around and my interest piques again. A rare opportunity came around where I had a week to myself, all tasks had been done. I gathered the necessary equipment and ingredients and extracted around 0.55g from 50g MHRB using the r/SpiritVegHead tek. I booked two weeks leave at work and completed any outstanding projects. I believe this was crucial in order to allay any concerns. I hold Buddhist beliefs, and a lot of my preconceived ideas/metaphysical framework for these altered states comes from the Vajrayana tradition. I believe this also helped me in my travels. Apologies in advance if I reference some of these ideas in the report.
Setting –
I tidied the house and created a calm clean environment, where I would not be interrupted. I brought various rupas from my shrine to the room where I would be journeying. These provided somewhat of a mental ‘protection’ factor. Though they would not accompany me on my travels, all these little details I feel added together to make the experience smoother. I invited my trusted friend of 17 years to join me on the voyage. He had previously done DMT on a few occasions and is generally more experienced in this regard, as well as very grounded.
On the day –
I was a bag of nerves, but the momentum accumulated through all the efforts including extracting, tidying, prepping my environment, booking the time off, inviting my friend, carried me through. Around midday I picked C up and we started out small. I had an Aegis solo box mod, and researched the E-mesh method beforehand. This took a bit of practice to use and was not immediately as straightforward as internet guides made out, but as you will see, in the end it worked perfectly.
Trip 1 -
Me and C took it in turns to dose. He was calm and collected for the first dose. We started small as we tried to dial in the Emesh. Temperature control mode kind of worked, but left residue on the mesh afterwards. We both dosed 15mg for the first go.
C took his hit and returned after 3 minutes – ‘Yes it’s real’ he said, shortly followed by ‘You will be okay’. He looked relaxed and afterwards noted the energetic and therapeutic feelings in his body.
My time had come, I hit the vape and got probably managed to get 10mg in. I closed my eyes and watched as fractal geometry, mostly purple in colour, formed in my vision. I concentrated on my breathing and noticed waves of enhanced bodily sensations washed over my body. There was a feeling that these sensations ‘emanated’ from a higher place. Everything was comprised of an extremely subtle light energy, though at this dose, the visions were not very bright. This first trip was somewhat uncomfortable. As I noticed negative feelings, the living geometry shapeshifted into more sinister or creepy appearances. There was a feeling that these fractal patterns had a personality and liveliness about them, and they were playing with me. I retained bodily awareness throughout, though my eyelids flickers let light through and this was very distracting.
I managed to get a hold of my emotional state, and focused on the blissful/euphoric sensations in my body. The ‘entities’ felt like that had long tendril ‘arms’ which waved in a spiral fashion over my body, cleansing various parts of my subtle body. Creatures felt like they were probing from above into my brain. There was a sense of a vaulted space above me, with rows of corridors and doorways. I stayed put however.
Coming down, the feelings faded. I opened my eyes and I could see this subtle light energy which formed the fractals, was also crystalising into the 3d structure of the room around me. I could see ‘behind’ the 3d consensus reality, as if a matrix had revealed itself. I felt calm, relaxed, and internally it felt like my ‘pipes had been cleaned’ by a bath in golden light. Energetically, I felt much more alive. Recently I have been having problems with sluggishness in my daily life. After this small trip, that was gone. The whole experience lasted for around 3 minutes, and the effects decayed exponentially afterwards.
Trip 2 –
We were still trying to dial in the vape, and settled on a 22mg dose each. C blasted off again 1 hour after trip 1, but returned shortly after.
I did the same, something wasn’t quite working with temperature control mode. Unfortunately, it left a lot of dmt residue for both C and me, so the real dose we took was considerably less. I went into the same vaulted space as the first time, though this time the colours were much brighter. The columns/pillars were comprised of blue,white,red,yellow lights – brighter than any quantum dot LCD screen. blissful internal feelings however allayed some of my concerns, and I was ready to go for a bigger dose. There were no real feelings of communication in a linguistic sense between myself and the entities, though we were engaged in some form of contact. After this one I got huge giggles afterwards, I can’t exactly remember why, but something seemed so hilarious. Perhaps because of how nonsensical it all was?
These lower levels of geometry I had heard to described as somewhat ‘mayan’ in nature, and I could definitely relate to that. Feathered Again I felt the fractal entities tickled me with energetic light feathers, and toyed with me a little, but I was quickly down.
Trip 3 –
Here is where things got interesting to say the least. The big joke. C loaded up 22mg again, this time using fixed wattage mode. He ripped it in one toke, and no vapour was left. He came up a bit but apparently it was a bit of a dud. Curious – was it tolerance? Perhaps. However, in hindsight, it felt like this was the punchline for the joke to come.
I loaded up again. Concerned that C got no effects from 22mg, I loaded 25mg. I hit it and knew this time was more effective than any time prior. The vapour in the fixed wattage mode was denser – not harsh, but I knew I was strapping in for the ride. I lay back and felt the fractal visions take over much quicker than any time previously. I have a difficult time remembering the details of this next stage.
First, I noticed that hum that people talk about. I was rising up somewhere, and in the distance saw a bright white light at the very centre of some space. The geometry was infinitely more layered than before, I remember thinking ‘wow, these shapes are impossible’. The sounds I heard were beeps and bloops, like alien morse code coming from a very advanced realm.
The subtle light energy took over my entire body, and I kind of lost myself for a moment. I ‘arrived’ in a kind of spherical cube like ‘place’. Everything kind of made sense for a moment. The entities here seemed much greater than the ones before. And the feelings of bliss and energy inside me were much more intense. I was not fearful however, I was just absorbing it all. I was engaged in an energetic ‘dance’ with these beings, which conveyed information intuitively. I remember moving my psychic ‘arms’ and it felt great.
After I had arrived, ‘they’ seemed to say things like ‘Okay, do you see it now?’, ‘Now do you see?’, ‘And this?’. The spherical cube room seemed to be a singular point in the centre of existence. One very strong impression was this sense of a ‘mirror of reality’. Everywhere I looked, I saw a ‘reflection’. This was not a reflection in the ordinary sense of light, hitting a mirror and bouncing off. This reflection conveyed a sense of emptiness of everything. For a moment, I had no more questions. I remembered why I didn’t really need to return to that place. In that place, there were no more questions and everything was clear. Throughout this part of the trip, various memories of peoples trip reports came into my head, and concepts from Buddhism. I recalled thinking ‘ah, this is why they said that, this is why they described it like this or that’, ‘it makes sense’. I couldn’t help it and I burst out in laughter letting out a big ‘HA!’. There was no question of ‘was it all in my mind’. At that moment, it just was.
For a moment I was a little frightened that I had broke my mind. I had seen the advanced hyper dimensional computational super computer, I saw the entourage of fractal psychedelic angels that surrounded the central light. In Vajrayana Buddhism, there is a concept known at the clear light. It is said that during the bardo after death, ones consciousness is not tied to our physical body, and experiences a moment of clear light. I had always wondered why so called ‘ordinary beings’ are fearful of this light. They shy away from it and are propelled from that state into a lower birth. In this central spherical cube crystal light matrix lattice room, witnessing the reflection that I was connected to it all, it was me, I too felt that fear for a moment and understood why I inhabit a human body. I felt like I was viewing behind the scenes. Everything was frighteningly beautiful, every changing, in constant flux.
Perhaps this realm of light and infinite forms is related to what in Vajrayana buddhism is described as the Samboghakaya, the enjoyment or bliss body of the buddha. I will insert a definition here just because I find it helps me understand this space.
Quote “”The Sambhogakaya is a "subtle body of limitless form". Both "celestial" Buddhas such as Bhaisajyaguru and Amitābha, as well as advanced bodhisattvas such as Avalokitesvara and Manjusri can appear in a "enjoyment-body. A Buddha can appear in an "enjoyment-body" to teach bodhisattvas through visionary experiences. Those Buddhas and Bodhisattvas manifest themselves in their specific pure lands. These worlds are created for the benefits of others. In those lands it is easy to hear and practice the Dharma. A person can be reborn in such a pure land by "the transfer of some of the huge stock of 'merit' of a Land's presiding Buddha, stimulated by devout prayer.””
“"It is said that the Sambhogakaya manifests not in any kind of spatial or physical location but in a place that is not really a place; a place of nowhere called Akanishtha, or wok ngun in Tibetan. Wok mi means "not underneath," suggesting that Akanishtha, because it is a field of nowhere, is all encompassing. Ultimately wok-ngun refers to emptiness, or sunyata."”
The entities in this place I don’t remember as clearly, but at one point I did see the form of a circus ringleader I had heard mentioned previously. I received instantaneous impressions and answers, to the degree I couldn’t keep up so kind of stopped asking. To ask questions there felt pointless because there was nothing more to ask.
At one point, I couldn’t tell whether my ‘eyes’ were open or closed, but after a while I regained awareness of my breath and my body. I had forgotten to pull my eye mask down, and as I did that I remembered to tell myself ‘you have done dmt, this will be over soon’. All fear subsided and I let myself land. “I just need a few more minutes” I told C. I was completely gobsmacked. I couldn’t imagine it was like this. It was so hard to remember, but when I was there, everything was so obviously staring in my face and I couldn’t hide from it.
This time the trip lasted around 10 minutes. I didn’t necessarily feel the ‘infinite time’ I have heard others described. It could have equally been zero time.
One of the most interesting parts was when I came around and talked to C. Remember how he didn’t feel anything much from the third dose?.. I looked at him surprised… ‘What?? Did you?? Did you experience that?’ – He smiled. There was for a few minutes after the experience a sense that he was ‘in on it’ too. He knew what I had experienced, and proceeded to prompt me with subtle questions.
‘Was there anything related to sound?’, ‘Was this a little different to those first two times?’, ‘Was there anything related to emotions?’. It was as if something was working through him to coax some memories back into the ‘real’ world.
“It’s just impossible” “Nothing I can say would even convey a fraction of that”. I was left in awe. I believe I did ‘break through’, but perhaps a very threshold of the veil, just because I regained bodily awareness after some time. We discussed again in more details for half an hour or so as I integrated my feelings.
Post trip –
There were little residual feelings. I didn’t feel ‘insane’. But I did however think this was something that should not be done often. There was no real point to do it again, at least for now. I enjoyed a walk with friends later that evening and was blessed with one of the best sunsets I had seen for months. I noticed subtle changes to how I was framing things. Slightly kinder in my choice of words.
During the walk, there were a lot of midges biting us. As we returned to the car park a large family got out of their cars and were considering heading back because of the insects. Before I could even think, I noticed myself saying ‘Here, I’ve got some insect repellent in my car’. I got it out and gave it to them. “Do you want any money?” “Of course not”, I replied.
This sounds small. I write this detail not because of any feelings of pride, but because I was keenly aware how this was not something I would necessarily have done the day before. The experience seemed to break down some boundaries between myself and others.
Dreams –
I had heard DMT could change peoples dreams and I wasn’t exactly sure what was meant by this. But as it got towards night, these were perhaps the only negative feelings from the experience. As I fell asleep, I got memories of the lower levels of the experience. The geometry, the feelings, the mayan architecture. It spooked me and I woke up. As the night went on I struggled to sleep but in the end I did return to a normal sleep. Today I feel completely normal.
If you made it this far, thanks. I would welcome any comments or if you experienced similar things please share.