I have not been active on this forum for a few months now because I've been focused on finishing my psychedelic trip reports. It's been over four years since I last took a traditional psychedelic, and three since I quit weed. No alcohol either. Just daily coffee and a cigar once in a while.

I don't think I'm alone in a grasp for understanding past trips, but I followed that desire to the highest degree I could by walking back through them all. 100k words later and I finally feel like I got a grip what happened.

That said, I've not been all that open to external input on the matter because I wasn't even sure what I thought. That's changed now because I've explored these trips as extensively as possible.

I really want to hear from other psychonauts now. I lost quite a few of my IRL psychonaut friends because of my paranoia, and even more because I stopped smoking weed with them. I sort of withdrew into self and was insistent on finishing my story.

I won't waste time "beating around the bush" of what this is. It's 13 chapters of psychedelic trip reports, about 53k words long. My most spectacular trip was on 280ug of LSD during a bike ride. I will absolutely do it an injustice trying to summarize it, but my friends and I merged consciousness. It was one of the most visually intense and profound experiences I have had ever on a psychedelic.

Not long after, I tripped again and became convinced the very friend I had merged consciousness with previously was trying to kill me. That trip went on for a year after.

I'd like to extend an invitation to anybody who is interested in taking an in-depth look at these experiences. The work has been professionally edited but I have not yet published. In some sense, I'm offering advanced reader copies for members of the community that are interested. I'm doing the same thing with a small group of people that I have on Youtube that have been with me since I very first started exploring psychs.

My intent with writing this was not to solely satisfy my desire to chronicle it, but also with the belief that I could offer help to others. I cruised a lot of forums and youtube channels before getting into the world of hallucinogens, and while I thought I did a lot of research, I still suffered a whole lot. I made tremendous mistakes and assumptions about the psychedelic experience that I figure I can steer others away from.

One of my realizations while reflecting was the insufficiency of a conclusion if it lacks a backstory. For example, there were powerful affirmations I got from trips, but it was the pages of dialogue and forethought leading up to them that truly emphasized their power, rather than the simple idea its self. It truly is about the journey, and that is what motivated me to tell my full story. It put into perspective why things happened as they did, rather than a simple hard-headed conclusion based in faith.

I appreciate your consideration and encourage anyone interested to contact me in chat and I can workout sharing some stories.

Thanks,
C

Hey, C, I can relate to some of what you're saying here, I think.

I spent two years rigorously exploring the LSD spaces. Every weekend at least; a few times a week at most. This was two solid years, followed by sporadic use of psychs ever since. I usually have to talk myself up before any sort of trip because I got really familiar with how gnarly the gnarly side can really be.

After those two years, smoking herb became anxiety/paranoia roulette. If I choose to smoke or ingest cannabis these days I sometimes find that I have to talk myself down from extreme ledges of instantaneous illogical belief or existential disbelief. Once I had convinced myself that I was just realizing I was still in an acid or dmt trip after eating a strong brownie my wife had made. That everything leading up to that point was a hallucination and I was about to break back into where I really was.

Then other times I just smoke a joint and feel pretty groovy.

I've been trying to cultivate a closer relationship with dmt since I learned to make it. My relationship with altering substances since the heavy acid use has sort of hindered the progress I desire. It's tricky and leaves me feeling disappointed with myself.

I'd be interested in looking at what you've written down if any of this sounds familiar.

Lot's of what you are saying rings true. My first weed experience was so close so my first acid trip that separating what weed was "supposed" to feel like from what it was doing because of psychedelics wasn't especially clear. One thing was for certain though--weed was a gamble.

As you say, smoking a joint and grooving one night--the next, heart pounding paranoia battered in self doubt. Started to hate weed for it.

I got my publish date setup for Aug 9. Want me to DM you a couple chapters?