The following is about half of the long email i sent. I do replicate it here, not for WXY to read it (i mean, do if you wanna, i don't care), but so i have a link i can give the next Jesus that crosses my path (why do they keep coming?), so i don't have to explain my stance again.
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Nothing in here is meant as an attack. The sole intention here is to give you insight into my head.
Firstly, i wanna apologise for saying some of what i said while you were tripping hard – especially the «i don’t care if it annoys you». It’s not my fault, i didn’t know you were tripping. But if i had known, i would’ve waited with that stuff until after your comedown.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether you’re joking or serious. Or half joking. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what you mean, because you often use ominous language and talk around things without naming or explaining the actual things.
About being Jesus/God, i believe that you are not joking. Which is a bit difficult for me because idk how you want me to react.
Here is my world view / belief:
There is consciousness. It is one, and that totality i sometimes call god. It is also subdivided into many – you, me, the snail on the apple tree, the sun, etc. I like to use the metaphor of a sea. God is the sea, and we are drops. It isn’t good, or bad, or anything. It is all things and none. It just is. The division into drops is not total – while it is meaningful in some contexts to view us as separate, we still are one.
As you know, i do not believe that any of the biblical stuff is true. Idk whether the abrahamic God exists or not, but i am certain that it’s not what i would call god. Maybe ‘a god’ at best, more likely just a vengeful demon. Not the creator of my universe or earth or humans. If it exists, it’s a drop like you and me.
Now Jesus i’m not sure what to think about. Maybe a historical person. Maybe especially aware of god. Maybe possessed by the abrahamic God. Maybe both. Maybe something completely different. Also a drop, also a human.
I am fully aware that my world view might be false (in an infinite number of ways) – something that distinguishes me from most people. I used very definite language not because i’m certain to be right (i’m not), but because that’s what i actually perceive to be the truth. It is my belief, held with a similar strength as a true believer of any religion.
I have zero intentions of converting anyone to it though, nor am i open to be converted to a different belief. I will adjust my view according to my own judgement of new evidence, and nothing else. And my standards for evidence are pretty strict.
So, about you being Jesus, idk if it’s true, and i don’t feel that it necessarily matters to me. For me you are a friend. It is hard for me to believe, but if it’s important for you, i will. I can even call you Jesus if that’s what you want (I hope not though
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I can’t however combine either of these things with the implications/connotations it would have for christians. I can’t accept anyone as a/the messiah, because that concept has no place in my world view at all. Nor does the concept of guru (unrelated sidenote).
In short, there’s nothing that changes for me whether someone actually is Jesus or not. (I say someone because you’re not the first i met.) It’s just a name, and maybe a few interesting stories if you guys have like past life memories and stuff. And if it's a delusion, i can live with that too. We're all a little crazy.
What strikes me though is that you seem happier and are funnier when you’re not taking that perspective. When you are speaking from there, you seem to always want to send someone into a fractal death spiral. Now idk if there’s causation or which way it would go, but i def see correlation between the Jesus and the grumpy.
I get that we need to vent sometimes. It’s been a part of your presence in the group always, and not only did i not complain, i also didn’t mind. The meteor thing i found pretty funny actually. I also liked the fractal death spiral the first few times i heard it. Basically, i found all that stuff funny as long as i thought it was more joke than not.
Lately though, meaning the past weeks to months, i don’t think you’re joking anymore. And venting sometimes, has pretty much become venting always. Which suggests to me that the venting isn’t working as intended anymore. Instead of getting shit out of your system, it’s now intensifying the shit, kinda keeping you locked in a frustration trance.
Tripping frequently might not really help that situation – you know, mindset, the basics
Now, you know that this kinda thing is hard to bear. For someone not close, it’s just annoying. For someone close, it’s that plus it hurts to see a friend in such a state, plus some of what is said may be hurtful in itself.
But then there’s the added dimension of the power of thoughts and words, of attention and focus. When we think or say things, we send an impulse to the universe. When we give our attention and focus to something, we give it energy. I’m pretty sure we both believe this. Personally i believe that this is kinda like a radio transmission – the signal is strongest at the sender. So when you fantasize about someone dying painfully, even if the motivation for doing so is to make the world better, you strengthen the hate, not the harmony. And you take the worst hit yourself. Also consider that this might be untrue entirely, in which case you’d be the only one to take the hit.
In case you’re still wondering «why be nice?», this is very much it.
Now if you are Jesus and what they say about his/your powers is true, this is even more important to consider than if you’re ‘just’ a regular human! Just saying. With power does come responsibility.
I don’t fear you (or anything/one), so i don’t particularly have a problem with you telling me to die, 5+ times, at the height of your trip. It’s not nice, that’s for sure, and certainly not something i’ll stick around to hear more of.