Hello folks, this is a fine and interesting place. I am glad it exists.

I have a desire to go deeper, but have had dark and strange experiences with DMT of late and uncomfortable ones with harmalas. Most of my DMT experiences have been smoked or vaporized DMT, never self extracted. These have either been fairly surface level and bizarre (smoked) or confusing and dark (vaporized). Often of late it feels as though I am being prayed upon by dark entities that I am wary of inviting into my home and around my family.
I have also drank Aya made with wambisa thrice with shapibo grandmothers while staying at a rainbow commune in Peru. During the first of these experiences I was visited by a whirring carousel or ship that invited me along. I was boarding, so to speak, when a fear of leaving my body alone in the dark in the jungle with people I did not feel fully comfortable with snapped me back. This was regrettable, as the ship immediately left without me.
After another of these experiences I could see moving, technicolor sigils engraved in the arms and bodies of the people around me after the fire was relit, ending the ceremony. I had 3 cups during this ceremony and the afterglow with the light on was the most interesting and profound part. These living codes moved with the individuals they were imbued upon and interacted with the energy fields around them.

I wish to go deeper, here, where I live far from the jungle. I am a family man, and as I said something about the intensity of vaporizing spice here in my home has been causing me to have darker experiences that I struggle to extract anything useful from and that almost feels like opens doorways I don't want opened in my living space, around my children and family. There have been rather dark entities and peculiar experiences of great intensity and confusion. I think perhaps one reason this is happening, that is just occurring to me by reading through the forum here, is that I have been vaping much too high doses, generally above 50mg. Never in my 2 dozen times vaping or smoking spice have I had a "breakthrough" though, as I see described in glorious detail. Odd and intense, but never quite what I know it can be.

So I have decided the path forward for me is to drink the brew again. It isn't particularly calling me, but I have genuine desire to learn from it, and to board the ship this time. So I am trying to call to it, to entice it into my life and build a bond with it. I am willing to do the work.

I have access to DMT, again not extracted by myself, but a friend of a friend. I also have "caapi spirit extract" from an online shop called sacred forest (purported to be 210mg harmine and 210mg THH), as well as "98% pure THH" from Liftmode. In an attempt to ready myself for these experiences I have been making an attempt to get to know the harmalas themselves. My issue is that I feel nothing really from the "caapi spirit extract" except for having emotional unbalance the next day, where I am easily agitated and feel almost manic in a way. The THH I didn't feel either, until I reached a 250/300mg dose, but had strange physical issues the next day and was likewise tossed into an almost bipolar sort of headspace in the days following. Strange stuff, not at all the gentle teacher as I hear described by others when taken on their own. It makes me nervous, messing with my brain chemistry in a way that makes me less stable in the following days. Most psychedelics leave me feeling blissed and grounded in the days/weeks following a session.

Also in preparation, and for other reasons in my life, I have recently stopped drinking alcohol, caffeine, and smoking cannabis (which I did many multiple times a day for the past 20 years or so except for a brief stint living in Indonesia for 7 months, where I studied with traditional healers). I want to know the teachings of DMT and harmalas, and think that for me personally the brew may be an easier way for my mind to process the effects, but my experiences have left me wondering what's there that is good and light and tangible.

Can any of you folks relate to this? Or can you recommend anything to me, in terms of what I may be doing wrong, or how I could best achieve commune beyond the veil with a brew- or for that matter, even with smoking or vaporizing DMT or harmalas? I am open to anything, and have received great lessons and healings from my many hundred LSD trips, my few dozen psilocybin experiences, my few but profound cacti experiences, and a brevity of other medicines and psychoactive chemicals. It just hasn't happened yet with DMT.

I am happy to answer any questions about my techniques or practices and appreciate any insights folks might have. Ultimately, I want to be a healer, and to help elevate pain and trauma in this world through offering people guidance in psychedelic experiences. But I feel until I get to know these particular plants as allies, I may not be ready for that next step, in terms of guiding and protecting others in their experiences.

Thanks, and blessings to you all

Hello LoveInTheDream!

I suggest you experiment more with harmalas. Make harmala only brews and get comfortable with the altered headspace. Then you can begin to add just a pinch of DMT to the mix.

I've found that you get the best results when you don't push the hyperspace but get yourself in a receptive and comfortable mode. Learning some meditation can be of an enormous help.

Welcome to the community!🙂

Hello friend,

I can relate to the dark vibes with DMT. I'm a beginner still with the molecule having first tried it in 2020. I have similar history as you with other compounds from a young-ish age. Every other type of experience has been quite easy and left me floating on positive waters for days after. DMT on the other hand has been mind blowing and profound, often overwhelming and scary. I have certainly been able to retrieve a lot of positive lessons that have improved my own life and the relationships with those I love and care for. But other times I'm left disappointed and a bit lost.

In the last year I have been mostly experimenting with homemade changa. With mixed results. I've learned not to fear the weirdness any more, but certainly am still capable of messing up my experience into useless confusion.

It seems the best results I can get with leaf is a slow start, building up with multiple smokes over a few hours. When I try to blast off right away in one bowl the results are unpredictable.

Having started my journey with outside sources, in recent times I have learned basic extraction teks and been able to be self reliant in that sense. This has given me great piece of mind. Makes me much less worried about wasting spice with experimentation. Opens the doors to a much more calm relationship with the plants.

Also relieves a good amount of anxiety in knowing for sure what I am smoking, where it came from and enjoying the fact I was forced to put the effort in myself to travel. The whole trip process becomes a journey of days and weeks instead of a quick purchase and a rushed dive.

DMT is very much of a different breed and on its own wavelength from many other psychedelics. Sometimes there's no huge insights to be downloaded snd gleaned from an experience. Sometimes it's just about enduring it and bearing witness, allowing it to refresh and reset you in the process.

As for the darkness of journeys, not all darkness is bad, even if weird and uncomfortable. Learn to manage how you feel while there.

And DMT is generally always weird. It only gets weirder. DMT always has something new to show you.

I also recommend becoming more familiar with harmalas. They're powerful in their subtleties.

One love

Thanks for your replies, all. I've been lurking around here a while so to actually have discourse with y'all who have given me so much insight and information is an honor.
I tried harmalas on their own again over the past few days. I was camping with my family at Cape Henlopen, in a shaded place by the beach. Because I had my kids with me a full psychedelic experience was not appropriate, but I felt like it was the perfect setting to get to know harmalas a little deeper. I took .42 g of caapi spirit extract, supposedly made from Hawaiin vine and composed of 1:1 harmine/THH.
The effects are hard to describe. Subtle maybe? Peripheral? I certainly feel *something* from taking this, but it is far from the visual experience I have heard harmalas are capable of imparting on their own. I can tell something is there, and feel a bit awkward in conversation- a bit naked perhaps. I also feel my shoulders naturally falling back and myself standing naturally tall- powerful almost. I also notice when the wind rustles through the trees that there is something tickling behind the veil, but don't have any extra commune with it, and could easily ignore this if I wasn't paying attention to the effects and trying to sus them out. The other thing I notice is my dreams during sleep while still under the effects are more detailed, vivid, and precise in terms of plot orientation and dialogue.

Am I doing something wrong? Not taking enough perhaps? I was under the impression that 210mg of harmine accompanied with 210mg of THH is a good dose for someone my size (220 lbs). When I have taken a lesser dose and vaporized a bit of spice in the past, it has *certainly* been a much stronger and longer experience then the spice on its own. But again, not enjoyable due to its intensity and my personal proclivity. Taking Tomtegubbe and Voidmatrix's advice, I am trying to get to know the harmalas on their own however, before I introduce some light in brew form so that I build a relationship with this teacher before dancing with it in hyperspace. Am I missing something though?

Like... where does the magic happen here? Higher dose? Straight vine? Again, my will and intention are set, and I am willing to do the work. But so far, just some ripples around the edges and some weird stomach stuff the next day.

One note of interest- I did not feel the grumpiness/irritability I normally feel the day after using harmalas. I assume this is due to my cleansing my system of caffeine, alcohol, and cannabis of late. Perhaps I was in a way giving myself some weird hypertensive syndrome, or MAOI aggravation.

Next I will take Fink's advice and try some changa. Also, I will start low and slow and build to where I want to be. I have always tried to blastoff heroically, and again, from reading here at way too high doses- and go figure, had a real weird and uncomfortable time. Low and slow, with some hand blessed blend may be what I've been looking for. We shall see.

Let me know if in reading this you notice something glaring I am doing wrong/missing the point of entirely.

Thanks all, and blessings on your journies