Hey — fellow writer here. Thanks for sharing your writing, it's a courageous and brilliant thing to do.
I guess, for me, I read this as an introduction before you go into the cultural/sociopolitical challenges that psychedelic users find. My advice with this is to pick a tack and stick with it from the beginning. Language, like you say, is its own barrier to articulating these experiences and indeed the vernacular that is employed to describe them. For example, I'm very new to the Nexus as a member (I've been visiting as a Guest though for years), with little to no real chemistry knowledge — I find myself looking at the Nexus index all the time reading up on terms used because there are so many terms used within the community itself that are niche and require thorough research to build an understanding. My point being, what you say about language accessibility is its own chapter — its own book in fact, and maybe there's a choice here for you in terms of your target audience. I get the impression this text would be for people that are already pretty familiar with psychs and differentiating these terms, so will not need definitions for terms like 'entheogen'. But if you want it to be more accessible, consider bringing definitions in. Essentially, your intro here is its own massive discussion and I think keeping it to the basics, maybe what the intention is behind writing this text, and its impact, would be more useful. It would also be worth considering weaving your personal experiences of psychs and challenges you have faced into the introduction.
My second point of advice is tone and I know you said you weren't looking for literary feedback in terms of grammar but actually I think it is bound to the subject matter you're exploring and how you explore it. There are parts of the text that read very academically, and then areas where that tone lulls and feels more familiar/less clinical. I prefer the latter because I like non-fiction that is overfamiliar and looser. It makes for a more comfortable, chill read that doesn't feel like education but is. So building on that idea of tone, pick a pronoun carefully. Do you want to make this text feel more collective, e.g. 'So what other options do
we have?', or do you want to create some distance e.g. 'When one seeks to...' ?
Avoid phrases like 'It is important to...' — get to the core of your point and say 'Consider broadening the language used...' Cut out the middleman. Cut out the second year undergrad degree talk. Don't force 'what's important' down the reader's throat. When I read preambles like 'It is important to...' I find myself wondering why writers feel the need to tell me 'this is important'. Illustrate why it's important instead of saying it's important.
My third and final point is punctuation. It's your best friend, and it breaks up your sentences and flow evenly. I read all of my writing out loud because I can hear out for inflexions or problems with my writing in a way that staring at a screen for 3 hours or a paper manuscript doesn't allow for me to do. But that's also another point — you can also print your work out and annotate, that's a great way of self-disciplining editing. There are areas of your writing that are four sentences long, when I read them aloud, I find myself losing the thread of the point and also running out of air to breathe. Pin point those areas and break them down. Use all your senses, physically go into the writing.
There are points where this book feels like it's for a familiar audience that reads on this topic widely and then there are areas where it reads like it would for a beginner, e.g. references to Timothy Leary. Decide that if you were to read this book for yourself, what would you want to know the most?
By far the most interesting part of your writing, for me, was the point you made at the start about language accessibility and this is a lesser-discussed part of the discourse within psychedelic communities, it's also an ever-evolving vernacular that is expansive and it is there to remedy perhaps, the 'language-less-ness' of these experiences beyond articulation. And you're right, 'hallucinogen' is far too vague and ambiguous a term to convey the shattering volumes of a breakthrough trip. To be honest, as I said earlier, the whole text could be on this. Whereas the vast number of challenges psychedelic users face is in essence, a ten-volume series. I would pick your niche carefully, research it, and then if there's a sequel in it, go for it. If you want to look at sociopolitical challenges, pick a time period — the challenges users faced in the 60s vs. today are different conversations emerging from age-old bureaucratic impulses. And those again are their own separate texts. There are parts of your writing that are articulate and thought-provoking, perhaps maybe even divisive takes (I'm not sure people would agree that the 60s were entirely 'context-lacking', there was much in the way of why so many turned to psychedelics and formed its revolution). Either way it all makes for good literature and the best thing is that the premise for your text is by no means a neutral discussion, it is weighted in favour of psychedelic use. As it should be.
All power to you and thanks again for sharing.
'an overwhelming profusion of Passion flowers' - a friend observing his garden in late-Autumn