Wow,

Look, I know it's schizophrenic to even think like this (the technical term is "delusions of reference" ), but here goes:


Shit, shit, shit, is this the long winter of our discontent or have I poisoned the morphic field somewhow? When I first became a member in August, 2009 there were huge quantities of glowing reports/good trips and very few posts on difficult experiences or fear.

Yet, as of Winter Solstice things personally for me have taken a challenging turn. As I moved forward in time working on these issues and whining on the Nexus I began to notice more and more reports of bad/horrible experiences and major problems with fear.

Recently, my fear changed to become more Pavlovian and so I began quoting Zarkov when he refers to "the reptile brain," which I recognize as the human limbic system.

Although antrocles is on a level that is many quantum leaps above what would be achievable for me in multiple lifetimes, I see he is having challenging ego deaths and even posting about the limbic system/reptile brain.

BTW: Last night I smoked three doses of spice (only 25 mg each) and took three doses of pharma (50 mg - misfire, 50 mg - premature purge, 40 mg - holy shit!). Somehow my recent work (when combined with abdominal breathing) allowed me to a.) trust my body - the autonomic processes will ensure breathing & heartbeat as long as physically possible, and b.) Coming back to pure acceptance/surrender. Even if I die, it will be okay, as that would be my time and everyone has to go sometimes, . . .etc. I do not know what my next attempt will be like but this was the first positive experience in MONTHS.

Remember, when all the furies are out of Pandora's Box, what is left over (and this is one of the reasons I chose my username): HOPE

Peace & Love,
Pandora

I have noticed the same thing Pandora. I haven't been a member for too long, so maybe it's cyclical or something, but when I first joined there were very few (maybe none for a while) posts that were about "bad" journeys or about fear so strong that it keeps one from going.

Most of us are familiar with "pre-flight anxiety". The butterflies in the stomach feeling that any normal person feels if they've ever really lifted off before.

I had several dozen experiences that were strong, amazing, wonderful (not always easy to remember details) but then one time it wasn't wonderful .

I shook off the bad feelings (actually I was so relieved that it wasn't real that I felt a little euphoric just being alive in THIS reality!) and had many more successful journeys. Slowly the fear started to creep up on me though. I had one more pretty bad time and then it was hard to bring myself to launch at all. No amount of relaxing, surrendering, meditating, etc.. worked to convince myself that everything was going to be OK. I mean I knew it would on a logical, mind level, but I couldn't shake the deep feeling of fear.

I have since journied several times with no bad times, but I used to try to smoke every night if possible and I looked forward to those times with great anticipation. Now I feel relieved when I finally decide at night "no, not tonight. maybe tomorrow".

I will continue to work with our sacred molecule because I believe that wonderful things will come of it, but right now it's really hard for some reason.

Sure do get nothing but pleasure from doing extractions though!

Pokey the Chicken

nobody is poisoning anything...the reason for hard experiences is because of GROWTH...nothing better to help you grow than a difficult experience

Pokey,

Great post. Thank you.

Yeah, I've been a busy girl now that I haven't been doing so much tripping: Over five grams in my freezer and more to come!

As always brief, and right on the money!

I agree completely and will continue to forge ahead!

Pokey the Diligent Chicken

This is an interesting post. I wonder if the DMT experiences on this board reflect the broader community's general trends. Is it the DMT giving off negative energy or is our negative energy directing the trip? Is the current state of the economy and increasing uncertainty in particular leading us into darker DMT territory? Perhaps right now the sky is darkening a bit and this temporary cloudiness will soon be contrasted with a brilliant springtime.

Very cool analogy!

It may have literal significance for me. I smoked outside in a comfy lawnchair in a field until it got too cold. Now I'm confined to my shop, which is warm but doesn't have much else going for it as far as setting. Never had a bad time outside even when I died, or stopped breathing.

Can't wait 'til spring!

Pokey

One word: Waves.

There is a beautiful saying amongst the Irish peasantry to inspire hope under adverse circumstances:- "Remember," they say, "that the darkest hour of all. is the hour before day."

Vernal equinox is coming up. March 20th. Its been a long cold dark winter this year. But word on the street is that summer is going to be a scorcher.

That reptile brain-panic is familiar to me.

This is how i look at it: You won't have it if you listen very well to that inner reptile, before launching.
Somehow you'll hear this voice that says "don't take DMT now". Something like inner doubt or whatever you like to call it.

Listen to that voice.

When you are in balance with yourself you are in balance with that inner reptile as well and than you are part of that reptile, or it is part of you. In that state of oneness you'll be able to controll that reptile by being in harmony with it.

That control is felt as confidence. When you're in harmony with that inner reptile you feel confident and the other way around, when you start to feel confident, you'l become in harmony with the reptile within.

If things happen in the outside world that scare the reptile, than the balance is being distorted.

There is no need to look at that very negatively. These things are only temporarily.

If you don't feel confident than it's no time for journy's within, but for fixing whatever scared that inner reptile, in the outside world.

And i don't think your presence here has poisoned anything at all. I feel your presence here as not negative, but rather as fragile, but kind, caring and loving in the most positive way.

Every night I ask myself ... "time to go " ...?!

But I hear a "not tonight dear" ... from my lil' ego ... " I'm-a-feelin a little namby pamby" ... soft and unreptilian ... " ...

But it's all good ! Someone said there's more fecundity when the darkness rolls in ... it's still full of something .. Whenever that happens, depression or fear, impregnatre it with light ! Ignite it !

The Pre-flight jitters has me abstaining from dmt for many months, then I just can't Believe the return to hyper-toy-space ! Beingasms galore !

I am not disciplined enough to 'plan' much for each launch, but I have always understood dmt experiences are totally 'programmable' - wasn't it Timothy Leary et al. who did those 'imprint an image' studies, just before you launch, and then you'd become the tiger or the horse .. or the bird .. ?

To over come the fear I recall my super-human experiences .. the time I was Jesus with Love light, or the "starchild" encounters I've had - and I saw 'inside' their mother-ship .. finally !

Think of the most inspiring non-reptilian HUMAN you'd love to be/meet/know ... !

I'm very new here but it seems like the Nexus has been growing steadily since I started paying attention. Might a lot of people going in for their first few times explain this? Most of my lessons so far have really hammered on the dualistic aspects of experience, the intertwining of beauty and darkness, the sinister and the joyful. Any time I would resist an aspect of these relationships, it would come from fear which would then magnify.

OTOH, the fear discussions really helped me, to know that I wasn't alone with everyone else flying through bejeweled candy castles. Your posts, Pandora, actually helped me get past thinking the fear meant I should give up my journeys.

Ebb and Flow baby!!!




EYES OF THE WORLD:
by: The Grateful Dead....


Right outside this lazy summer home
you don't have time to call your soul a critic, no
Right outside the lazy gate of winter's summer home
wondering where the nuthatch winters
Wings a mile long just carried the bird away

Wake up to find out
that you are the eyes of the World
but the heart has its beaches
its homeland and thoughts of its own
Wake now, discover that you
are the song that the morning brings
but the heart has its seasons
its evenings and songs of its own

There comes a redeemer
and he slowly too fades away
There follows a wagon behind him
that's loaded with clay
and the seeds that were silent
all burst into bloom and decay
The night comes so quiet
and it's close on the heels of the day

Wake up to find out
that you are the eyes of the world
but the heart has its beaches
its homeland and thoughts of its own
Wake now, discover that you
are the song that the morning brings
but the heart has its seasons
its evenings and songs of its own

Sometimes we live no
particular way but our own
Sometimes we visit your country
and live in your home
Sometimes we ride on your horses
Sometimes we walk alone
Sometimes the songs that we hear
are just songs of our own

Wake up to find out
that you are the eyes of the world
but the heart has its beaches
its homeland and thoughts of its own
Wake now, discover that you
are the song that the morning brings
but the heart has its seasons
its evenings and songs of its own