Hi everybody, I've been considering joining the DMT-Nexus for a really long time, so it feels good to be joining here now in the hope I can contribute and give back. For me this has been the only place I can think of as a community that can be and is a constant (I don't have many companions in my life who have experienced it/want to experience it).

Had my first DMT experience about 2 years ago after a difficult time. On reflection it reflects the way DMT comes to us when we're ready? Ready for this particular kind of healing, I guess. First few hits I got stuck. I got really stuck. My mouth manifested in front from me, more beautiful and terrifying than ever before, with full lips and gigantic, gnashing, pointy teeth (does anyone else see pointy teeth in trips a lot? I get them loads). And I started to gasp in shock and it was gasping with me at the same time, mocking my voice, mimicking my exulted/horrified tones of surprise, fear and amusement. Got stuck in this place between dissolution of self/self-mockery and ego. Shook me up. At the time I was paranoid that I don't 'listen enough' and that I 'talk too much', completely unable to let go, so naturally DMT gave that a prod and she showed up in a big way.

Left the studio, had a wee, calmed down, returned back to the scene and gave it another go. Just let it go. Halting at first but I resigned myself (I showed it reverence, initially too much to the detriment of letting go and perhaps that isn't reverence, just ego). And then this entity with 'Higher Priestess' energy shows up wearing a hollowed-out, 19th-century masque ball mask, like that was her whole face, nothing else. Her face had no edges. Just undulating ribbons of iridescent patterns, sort of like that Victorian, damask wallpaper just flowing out of her and out. Her lips were blacker than black and rainbow'd, and she was singing to the music I had in the background (I was listening to 'I'm Clean Now' by Grouper). And she was singing layers of the music undetectable, like the emotional frequency and message or principles of the lyrics - I can't really describe it, it was just something I wouldn't have been able to understand/spot without her ability to unmask it, so I just shut up and observed. She seemed endless; able to deconstruct feeling and produce such beauty, yet capable of such cruelty. She was funny and playful, mischievous, liked digging into you, but at the same time, there was an underside, a vulnerability and a potential to turn nasty.

She dissolved and then so did I. Furious lights began violently flashing in my eyes (like the way sunlight flickers on water at the highest point of day), and then it was out. No more Self. Obliteration. Elsewhere.

Then in the centre of the vision in this vast, blue-net hyperspace, sits a blue humanoid figure, cross-legged, with its chakras aligned. You know, we see that figure everywhere in Buddhist forums and depictions of alignment. It's oddly typical and yet, the vision was confronted with it after dissolution of 'I'. And for a long time afterwards I wondered if this is how the physical body looks to the soul after it departs ego and enters hyperspace? Or was consciousness merely staring at an Arcturian entity? Or something other?

Vision approached the figure slowly, then settled above its head... it observed a blue energy travelling to where its throat would have been if it occupied a body once more. Then I came to. I was back in the body. Suffice to say, I was speechless for a while and needed to go home shortly afterwards. Not so much to contemplate but to just Be. Wasn't so much tired, but my whole chest felt like it was being hugged.

I tend to get wrapped up in analysing these experiences, believing them to have some hidden message or philosophy I'm missing. And I've been told it's important to accept those experiences without expectation or underlying understanding. Maybe it's dumb to try to figure out what any of those things mean, but I do want to know what the takes of others are and if others have shared in these visions also, what your interpretations might be or if any of you think ultimately, interpretation is a pointless journey?

Thanks for reading and thank you to all of you for giving your stories, expertise and experiences over for so many years. I'd have been lost without them because as I say, the Nexus has helped me for so long in my own trials and research, long before I joined. Good to meet you all.