I don't really know how to get through to them that this is something worth talking about. My spouse, parents, and basically everybody else except like two friends treat me like some kind of crackpot drug addict for even doing it at all despite the fact that Ayahuasca and mushrooms are basically the ONLY drugs I do other than coffee. I don't even drink or smoke. I was all excited because I had found such an interesting and profound thing and wanted to learn and discuss it but nobody cares and it's kind of depressing. Does anybody else have this issue?

You're discovering exactly why so many of us love this forum. Careful who you talk to. Most people won't get it or be receptive to it. We're here for you.

One love

Hey I appreciate that about this forum, really glad I found it. There's just so much to say about it and can touch every subject; art, math, music, chemistry, philosophy, psychology, ect. It's hard to not talk about something with such an experience attached to it and so much to say.

I kept my hobby very private for a long time. Little by little as the positive impact it has had on my life has become more apparent I have been a bit more open about it. Still it's something I usually mention in passing if I feel it's relevant to mention where a certain insight came from. I think it's good idea to be respectful to others and let them be cautious about it. Your life is the best sermon.

Voidmatrix hit the nail on the head regarding why so many of us appreciate this forum.

ALL DRUGS and not just psychedelics like dmt or psilocybin are poorly understood by the general public and even by the very people who use them. I can't tell you the number of times I've come across someone in my country tell me that they don't do any drugs while sipping on a glass of alcohol with a stupid pretentious look on their face. It all comes down to education and the way people are indoctrinated from an early age by their family and peers into thinking that socially acceptable / legal drugs such as alcohol are good and healthy while the ones in the fringes like psychedelics are bad and harmful. I strongly believe if more people were educated in this regard and not so backward the war on drugs wouldn't exist, because if people were educated they wouldn't need to vote for backwards politicians who ban them and brand people criminals.

Sorry if I went off in a bit of a tangent there, but to answer your question more directly yes, a lot of us have this issue. I've tried educating people about the the way psychedelics work and their safety profile but it falls on deaf ears always. These days I just keep to myself because of this, no point arguing against stupidity.

It's like I'm in a catch 22 because me and my spouse used to tell everything to each other. But whenever I drink Ayahausca they throw a fit, and I mean regardless of whether or not I'm tripping they do. So obviously, maybe I should just trip and not tell them. But then I'm afraid that if I do that then the guilt from them not knowing is going to hyperslap me during the experience. It's made it hard to find good times for good trips. I never get a good 3 hours of silent darkness to myself or even silent daylight. They feel entitled to knowing and being around/near me during a trip and knowing exactly where I'm at and when I'm tripping. But it's a catch 22 because there is never a time they actually want me to trip when they're around. When I tell them "hey, I'm going to drink this now" they get mad and say I care more about drugs than them. They don't understand that this is me trying to learn to be a better spouse for them with the insights I get from it. They act like I'm going to make a neighbor aware I'm tripping and get us evicted but they know very well that I spend my trips silent and still so it's absurd. I'm not sure what to do about this.

There's quite a body of peer-reviewed literature that demonstrates the positive effects of responsible ayahuasca usage. Do you think it would be helpful for your spouse to be shown some of that? It is actual, proven, scientific research.

And because of the way neuroplasticity works you are much more likely to experience these benefits if your spouse was able to show a supportive attitude towards your usage. It's like going to the gym, but for your mind and your neurons. Would your spouse begrudge you going to the gym for an hour or two? Or what, perhaps, if you were to spend an hour or two, or a day or two, painting a picture?

What demands do you make of your spouse's behavior? Where would you exercise a veto on their choices of activities?

Have you attempted with your spouse to lay out in full, calmly and rationally, what the extent of their objections consists of? Is it merely the legality aspect, or do they have some deeper fears?

If you really were caring more about 'drugs' than about your spouse, you would would have been hiding this activity from them.

It's not healthy to have no private life, even with your spouse. You can file ayahuasca drinking along with your other private matters, such as the way you wipe your butthole. You can file ayahuasca drinking along with your mental health strategies, which falls under the category of medical information, which is by law is private except under certain circumstances of necessity. It doesn't have to be a "thing."

And then, after a few months of drinking Ayahuasca and not telling them about it:

Spouse: Honey, you're so sweet lately! You've been so considerate and it seems like nothing really bothers you anymore! What's gotten into you?

You: ...Ayahuasca.

Spouse: !?!??!?! I... but... you... um... *brain explodes* Well... whatever works.

...what's it taste like, anyway?

I think the crux here is developing your communication, not whether ayahuasca is good or bad. If you take your time to listen to your spouse and evade countering their arguments so that they feel they have been hears and you have considered their emotions and perspectives it gives you much more freedom to choose how you act. You can try asking questions like "What bothers you about it? Is there something I can do to make you feel less anxious about?" And let them talk. You don't need to reach a conclusion, just increase awareness of each other's feelings.

I think your worries are significant. If you are alone on your journey it may make your experiences more anxious which is not good. I guess you expect more respect from loved ones regarding your choices and more space to let you explain them, all of it is very fair in my opinion. It's bad to be dismissed or ignored on something so personal and intense.

Another important point to make: it's wonderful to have a trusty sitter close by when you want to take more. Someone that you set safety protocols, instructed on what to do based on communal knowledge (FAQ), that read some trip reports (specially bad trip reports), that will listen and even remember you during inspiration, elation, hysteria or deep sadness.

You must break their barriers, we all need allies, don't give up.

Void is right, that is one of the reasons I landed here, too. You aren't alone, in your predicament or in your enthusiasm for these things. YMMV, but there are some meet-up groups and "psychedelic societies" existing and popping up all over the place. Maybe you can meet like minds that way. Google it in your area.

How are you approaching the conversation with your spouse? Are you introducing them to any material from outside sources? What is their need that is creating the anxiety in them? Do they fear your safety, or maybe somehow "losing you" if you "fall off the deep end" with drugs or what is their worry? I wonder if they havent been able to communicate to you how they accurately feel about it as much as you haven't been able to reach them. Sounds like there is a disconnect somewhere. I think it started in our culture's loss of understanding about initiatory and visionary states with patriarchal and draconian laws designed to do that... but that's another topic. Maybe helping them understand it better through outside sources if they are open to learning. Maybe there's some stuff here, threads you like that you could present them? Sorry, lots of ??s

I think you are right that sneaking it around someone you care about may create some difficult headspaces for journeys- set and all that. I agree with the poster above that private space is important but you know best probably what boundaries you want to have and it sounds like you want to share this, not keep it a secret.

Good luck, and welcome. There's lots of like minds here!

It isn't really that she hates DMT or psychedelics. More like she dislikes me using them at home because she thinks it could trigger behavior that would alert the landlord of the use of it. But in my five experiences so far I have managed to not act out in front of people who I needed to keep composed around. I do think I need a time where I have a bucket and total darkness though. My last trip was yesterday and I somehow got my spouse to sit through this one. I learned some neat things about the medicine. The way it responds to music visually, the way my actual thoughts could influence the visions

A striking moment during yesterday's trips was when I began seeing a lot intensely red hellish visual geometry, I thought in my head that I wanted to see green and sure enough the scene changed green. Then got greener and greener to the point that it was more green than green and in fact so intensely green that I opened my eyes. Of course, how can something be too green? But that's just the power of this stuff. It seems like with enough focus and intention, the sky is the limit for what you can make of this.

Hi ControlledChaos,

I can relate somewhat, like many others it seems. My wife also doesn't use psychedelics and when I discovered DMT she was very skeptical of my "little experiments", though for different reasons. She was worried that I might react in a negative way and hurt myself or others as a result. Now that she knows that I got a bit more familiar with it, she has become very accepting almost supportive.
It seems like your spouse is becoming more open minded about your journeys too? I hope she'll be as accepting as my wife is one day.

...and I know how it feels like how it feels like, when you want to share this experience with the whole wide world. Especially initially when this substance is still new for you. After my first few DMT experiences I just burned to tell someone about what I have seen. For me talking about it is one way of integrating the experience. So I did tell a friend who I used to trip with in my youth. He stays on another continent by now. It didn't take long till I regret that I told him as he of course told his wife and they got into a fight about it. Ever since I kept quiet about it accept for on this platform.

Also accept for this friend I mentioned mostly everyone I know frowns upon psychedelic use in general. People actually seem to be afraid of them. My wife for example doesn't like to loose control, not realizing that the feeling of having anything under control is an illusion in itself.

I am in recovery and a member of a 12 step fellowship where a lot of people would have problems with my "drug use" even my doctor prescribed Cannabis. My sponsor knows a little and didn't want to know more, My wife's sponsor and her husband know as well as a long time friend of 16 years and 2 guys I have sponsored and that's it. They are not doctor's and therefore cannot form a medically valid opinion. When you get into things like this the main argument is "it's illegal", well there are plenty of things that are illegal that shouldn't be from a moral standpoint and things that are legal that are moral. Some of us have developed a moral compass that doesn't need the outside influence of a 'guiding hand' to tell us the difference between wrong and right. I would go as far to say that our own governments act in immoral fashions every single day under the letter of the law. Sure the average citizen may become fearful about breaking the law but they really aren't watching like people think. The average person believes if they were to swipe something at the local store the police will immediately respond and capture them the same as they believe if an intruder came in their home a 911 call would produce police almost instantly amd that is not the case unless you live in a special privileged community where they really only prosecute 'outsiders' to begin with.

I'm glad you found DMT and the Nexus. As far as medications go, it's not really everyone else's business and legality is not equal to morality.

Yeah... this is one of those instances where we see the stickiness of relationships.

Have you asked her why she is worried you'll act out in a noticeable way that may get you evicted? Have you had a history of acting out in altered psychoactive states in the past? Does she have this concern from hearing other stories, or is it mainly a assumptive concern based on drug dogma and propaganda?

In my view, regardless of being in a committed relationship, there is a certain fundamental degree of personal autonomy that I feel everyone should retain. No one in a relationship wants to consider this, but it's possible that it could end and each person has to go their own separate and individual ways. I don't feel there should be efforts applied to try to control one another.

As for speaking to others about this, I am aware that I am largely very fortunate. Those who know me well such as friends and coworkers are aware I'm on my own wavelength as is and based on other characteristics, are still accepting of me and my activities. I also work in the cannabis industry which tends to have people that are more open minded to such drug endeavors.

It sounds like if you continue to educate her and prove to her with further journeys that there's nothing to worry about she'll come around.

One love

This is the exact reason I joined, such a welcoming community!

It is difficult to experience such things and not want to shout to the world about it.

One interesting thing to consider is that we are really the pioneers of this field, still within the first 100 years of it's infancy. At least during this version of civilisation's turn.

For tens of thousands of years the best way to glimpse this was most likely to drink foul water, puke and soil yourself then see where the next 12 hours takes you.

I believe it wasn't until 1956 that a chemist isolated what we know today as dmt. And bless him, bless him twice. What a great human.

Mushrooms have been pretty instrumental in human history and they grow on the grass and look like food. But most humsns are not interested in those.

Good luck getting those same people to smoke non descript pale powder out of a crack pipe.

I felt the same way when I first tried LSD in the early 70's. You felt like it could change the world for the better and that everyone should be aware of it and should probably try it.

Then you realize that psychedelics are indeed tools which could make the world a better place, but they are not a magic pill which would make the world a better place.
They are tools, and a tool has to be used to do a job. It doesn't do the job by itself.

I was 15 when I first tried acid, probably too early. I learned a lot from it and I also just used it to party too often.

It still hurts me that I could not talk about the positive aspects of psychedelics to my mother her entire life. They were always "evil drugs" to her.

"Mama, mama, many worlds I've come since I first left home"