After having known about the nexus - this wonderful forum - for some years and reading discussions without registering, I have now finally done it. As a member of a generation that was brought up completely offline I am still amazed what profound communities, what forms of interaction can form online. I am very grateful that I can be part of this forum and to know that there are people out there who unterstand the joys and pitfalls of the psychedelic experience who I can talk to.
I grew up in a family and in surroundings that had nothing to do with entheogens, with looking inside, with pushing the edges. But as I have always been curious and have always doubted that the world is as it seems, my contact with psychedelics was only a matter of time, wasn't it? I was in my late 20s when I first took LSD, and I was very lucky that I had two people on my side who knew very well what they were doing and who I could trust. In general, I am somehow a fearful person, but my curiosity has always been bigger just by a nuance. Apart from some juvinile foolishness my attitude towards substances has always been respectful. So I pondered my decision to take my first trip for quite a while, but finally taking it sitting next to a camp fire in that night 15 years ago somehow changed everything. Looking back, this trip had so many of the typical properties of psychedelics: deepened understanding of my own psychodynamics, peculiar telepathic communication with the woman sitting next to me (I will never forget how strange it felt to "talk" to someone without saying a single word), terrifing hallucinations and amusing metamorphosis into a rabbit (yes, a rabbit). All of these things came to me so effortlessly, so naturally, despite the fact that I wasn't used to any of them. I don't think that I fully understood what was going on that night, but my friends and the substance were so gently to me.
Sometimes I also had rough experiences with substances, which made me even more careful than I have always been anyway.
Years passed by, different substances came in my life. I was hooked! A whole new world! A whole new paradigm! I wanted to be as well informed as I could get. I read the classics, Grof, McKenna and you name it. That helped a lot to integrate and understand what I experienced. Some years ago, I decided to strictly look inside while being on a pretty high dose of LSD. It is unforgettable, describing it with words feels like pointing to the moon with me finger. Maybe I will write a report about that sometime later?
DMT came later. It seems that everything in my life comes at such a slow pace. I heard rumors about DMT. Months and years passed by. And then I had it my hands. It is by far the most complicated to consume drug I have ever tried, but whom am I telling that? Oh my! I wasted so much. I am not so far on my way down the rabbit hole with DMT yet, I have not dared yet take as much as I actually want to. Maybe that is a reason for me to be here, too.
There is so much more about consciousness than I once thought. There seem to be so many truths behind veils, and it is not always easy to tell them apart. All in all I am still a scientific person. My personal experiences of the "impossible" and my unshattered scientific approch may be a discrepancy I have to live with.
I am looking forward to getting to know you people of this forum and what you and it can teach me. Please be kind, I will try to be so, too. By the way, English is not my mother tongue, but I think it's good enough to speak about the unspeakable.
So long, best wishes! Feels good to be here.